I came up with a reason.

Is it true?

I don't know.

But I think it is enough.

I think it will satisfy.
 

I craved David.
 

I craved David with every fiber of my being.

I craved him despite knowing
how unhealthy he was for me.

Perhaps I craved him because he was unhealthy.

But that isn't my revelation for today.
 

No, no. Today I put my finger on
why I kept going back to him.

Over and over again...
 

I came up with two resons;
I think they work well together.
 

To remind myself why...
 

1) To remind myself why
I was attracted to him,
why I gave to him that which
I had for only one man.
 

2) To remind myself why
I left him over and over,
why he was so unhealthy for me.
 

To remember [twofold] ...
what I loved and what I hated.
 

I need to remember the attraction,
and I cannot allow myself to forget the pain.
 

That is why I did what I did.
 

That is why I fight his pull
to this very day. And forever.