3 02 pm pst   [ other ]

She wants to tell the other E. story. Crowded in her memory right next to the red wine is a couch. She thinks it was white, but she isn't sure any more. She knows it was in front of the door to the kitchen -- at least at the time. He moved his furniture around a lot. People have to find ways to keep busy when they aren't working.

They fought all the time. She was young and didn't know that people could have relationships in which they didn't fight. It would take many years for her to learn that, and it still surprises her.

She has no idea what the fight was about. She can't remember the topic of any of their disputes. She does remember sitting on the couch. The couch was near the keyboard. He played the piano spectacularly. She used to call him late at night and listen to him play for her for hours. She told him her favorite waltz was to be called Rachel's Waltz. She refered to it as her own when she would request it. He indulged her. He wrote a song for her called misty grey eyes but she always prefered her waltz.

He had a violent temper. He had hit walls in moments of rage. He would pace around shaking when anger filled him. He was not very strong, but still much stronger than her. Most people are.

She thinks she was leaning against the back of the couch. They were yelling. She was certainly crying. He grabbed her. He grabbed her. He pushed her over. Suddenly she was hysterical. "Don't hit me don't hit me don't hit me!" she yelled. Or was it "don't hurt me!"

She said it over and over. He could tell she was out of control. He could not confront her terror. He tried to quiet her, but she was in a frenzy.

Even she was surprised by the power of the fear. She was consummed by the emotion.

She was finally able to calm down, but the event was forever etched upon her understanding of herself. She used to become violently upset when someone held her wrists. But now she is healthy, and her beaux never makes her feel trapped. She hasn't felt trapped in years...

[This entry written as a collab thanks to the inspiration of Third Person.]

* * *

< yesterday | month | tomorrow >
back to Rachel's Daily Diary