11 28 pm pst   [ death ]

I had a dozen entries ideas swimming around in my head. Most prominently I had wanted to talk about Proposition 22. I am not politically motivated, and I normally watch the proposition ads and think, "I need to read up on that and see where I stand." This year I was shocked at how straight forward the issues were. Yes, Native American should be allowed to have gaming on their lands. And most importantly, Proposition 22 was a homophobic piece of crap. I watched the pro 22 ad with Matthew in which a gay man said he was for Prop 22 and he didn't care about marriage. I said out loud, "I can't believe they were able to find a single homosexual person in support of this."

And I watched with shock tonight as the television announced that Prop 22 had passed. I am sorely disappointed with my fellow Californians. And I was curled on the couch holding my man. And though I wanted to write about Prop 22, I can't.

Matthew's grandmother died today. She was his last grandparent. And like my Uncle Melvin she was not the kindest woman, so her death has brought about complicated feelings in the family.

The news was like a shot in my belly. Not my loss, but a pain in a man I dearly love that I cannot aliviate. My day screamed to a halt. Every plan for the evening shattered on the floor. I only thank whatever god there is that I am here. I was supposed to go home yesterday or today, but I put it off until this weekend. He does not function well on his own, and we both know how important it is that I am with him right now.

We drove around for an hour on the pretense that we were looking for a restaurant. We ended up going to the market and bringing home frozen food. He said he wasn't hungry but I insisted he eat. He will do anything to please, especially when I tell him it is important to me. That is a frightening power to weild. I try my hardest to do what is best for him at all times.

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