11 02 am pst   [ dream awake ]

I'm sure it was a long dream. However, I only remember the end. Matthew and I were walking on some very rural road, presumably in the state park. I can remember any of the previous occurrences, but I know we had been walking for a very long time. Suddenly, a white car with two black guys came absolutely flying down the road (and this wasn't really a road, it was a fire trail). There were basically out of control. I yelled "Hey!" at them. Matthew immediately stepped back into the bushes and tried to dissuade me from talking to these guys. I walked up to the car and said to the driver in my politest voice, "I know you guys are having a good time, but could you please try to slow down a little?" They agreed, and I was pleased to be able to show Matthew that another of my interactions with people, which he often worries about because they often step outside the standard social barriers, had worked out. Matthew called to me, "That is the _____est thing you've ever done!" It sounded like he said "windiest" but since I knew that was wrong I called, "What?" to him, even though I was moving away from him. I was walking to the bend in the road -- a sharp hairpin turn -- and I didn't hear what Matthew said when he repeated his statement because I was stunned watching the white sedan pull up next to a black hatchback. The passenger from the white car jumped out the car with a large gun and jumped into the black car, which was filled with more black guys with guns. I ran, knowing they were coming to get us. I hollered to Matthew, and he dragged me up some path and instructed me to lie flat against the foliage on the ground. As I had run towards Matthew, I had heard a mans voice say into a walkie talkie, "We have a situation."

This path we went up was not something one could drive, but suddenly it was, and the car was coming right at me. I absolutely knew I was going to die, and in thinking about that I woke myself up. My brain screamed, "I don't want to die!" and I groggily lifted my head. In writing down my dream I realized that I had a very long earlier dream about getting a job. I was witnessing all of my former college classmates playing at corporate life. People were offering me jobs while I watched people cheat their partners, cheat their clients, and have sex for political power. It was sickening, and I don't know how I got myself so involved in it.

There is no fast way to sum up yesterday, and I want to write about the underlying thought structure which brought about my dream. Let me simply say Matthew and I flew into LA yesterday and broke into my house because I didn't have a key [at my previous house, I used to know at least five ways to break in, the easiest of which was to stick my hand through the mail slot on the front door]. Then we went out to dinner, which took an hour longer than it should have; I don't know why the service was so slow. At dinner, a guy seated at the table next to us looked at me and said, "I remember you from school; I was two years ahead of you." Had he not mentioned the name of my high school a minute later I would have had no idea if he had been referring to it or college. He was eating with his little brother, ten years his junior. We made introductions all around and chatted for a bit. Most people have trouble holding a lengthy conversation with someone a decade older or younger than them, so I kept one ear open for the lulls in their conversation and how they filled them with some lyrics and silly saying like, "You the man!." After doing an errand involving dropping Matthew's sister's car off at her house, we made our was to a bar called Dublin's on Sunset. It was a fantastic (and fantastically packed) bar and it had the cleanest bathroom of any drinking establishment I have ever been to [oh, do I sound like my mom!]. Lastly, we drove to the valley, so that Matthew could spend the night in his own bed (and I with him). He had to leave at seven this morning for the funeral. I will be spending the day with my mom.

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