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2 57 pm pdt [ straight-edge sex ]
I recently recreated my character on LambdaMOO, mostly so I could talk to Jennifer while she is at work. The unexpected benefit
is that I have been able to catch Jeff hard at work most days. Today we wound up in a terrific
conversation:
Jeff laughs. "...It's very important to me that I do what I can to make
other people's lives more surreal."
Jeff will be driving around Seattle with his own mariachi band all dressed
as Elvis.
Rachel falls down laughing.
Jeff grins, "now you know my secret... I like to do things that perfect
strangers will remember for the rest of their lives."
Rachel exclaims, "Sounds like me!"
Jeff grins, "Then we'll have to hang out sometime. Hand out parking
tickets in haiku or something."
Jeff says, "This is not a ticket/pay no money/just move your car." (Hmm,
wrong # of syllables, but you get the idea)
Jeff asks, "Have you ever heard of Hakim Bey, or heard of 'Temporary
Autonomous Zones'?"
Rachel says, "no"
Jeff says, "It's an interesting theory, though Bey buys a bit too much
into his own press as a 'poet philosopher'. Basically the idea goes that
as a society, we create non-societal times & places...events where normal
social morays don't necessarily apply - for good or for bad. It could be
a near religious-experience at a rave, or it could be homicidal madness in
a lynch mob. These are 'Temporary Autonomous Zones'. Of course, as
social beings, we move through society like a fish through water, barely
even recognizing it's presence, until we are presented with something that
puts it into sharp relief."
Rachel says, "you might find this interesting (in that light): http://www.lihistory.com/5/hs526a.htm"
Jeff says, "Personally, I don't think that happens enough. -- Not sure why
I got off onto that tangent, sorry to wander :)"
Rachel never minds wandering.
Jeff smiles.
Jeff says, "That's an interesting page. I don't think people are willing
to experiment with alternative lifestyles (of all sorts). We don't
recognize it, but we're not much less conservative today than in the 50s."
Jeff says, "We've fallen into a 'rut of prosperity'... life is good,
therefore things must be good just the way they are."
Jeff says, "Not that prosperity is a bad thing, don't get me wrong... but
it makes people complacent."
Rachel says, "i think part of the back lash agains communal living came
from AIDS. With the end of free love, a lot of alternative thinking died"
Jeff nods. "Though, AIDS came after the end of the commune age. Just
about the time in my life when free love would have been cool. :)
Instead, we got to grow up worried about dying...that kind of sucked :)"
Rachel says, "hell yes..."
Rachel would have had a lot of fun as a twenty-something in the 60s or
70s.
Jeff grins. "I couldn't agree more. :)"
Jeff says, "Luckily (or not), I suspect that sort of rebellion will be
coming back into style in the next 5-10 years or so."
Rachel says, "mmm. it's already here. people my age tend to convince
themselves that they are immune. the guy ------ that i wrote about said
that he didn't use protection with certain women because they were too
conservative. I gave him a hefty lecture on that one"
Rachel says, "college age kids are having a ton of unprotected sex..."
Jeff says, "Oh, I know, and even with all the fears, I did some pretty
stupid things when I was first in college. (I say first because I
returned some years later, and intend to again in the not too distant
future). I was, however, speaking of a wider rebellion, a general youth
movement. Though, in this case, I don't think it's purely youth rebelling
against age as it will be techies rebelling against slow-poke gov't &
business."
Rachel says, "well, there is a small movement of kids who swear off drugs,
alcohol, and premarital sex. many of them are vegans too. i've always thought them strange.
they refer to themselves as straight edge."
Jeff says, "Yes, we were discussing them just a few days ago."
Jeff says, "I believe my witty comment was, "Well, no wonder they have so
much anger" :)"
Rachel says, "oh, they've made their way to the web: http://www.straight-edge.com/"
Jeff says, "I have sort of a biological theory about teens. In a
biological system, evolution occurs by trying out new combinations, then
keeping the ones that work. Teenagers are, at least the most part, the
part of society that does that for the rest...they try out new things,
then keep the good ideas as they age. Straight-edge just seems like a bad
idea on principle. :)"
Rachel says, "i think Straight-edge is swell. people will undoubtedly
grow out of it, but if they spend their teen years that way, they will
probably be much safer and better off. i personally was never one for
experimenting, but then i was never one for trying to fit in. sex had
always been my one vice, though i do drink rarely now."
Jeff says, "Sex never seemed much like a vice to me, more like an art
form. Mind you, some people would call art a vice :)"
Jeff says, "I was pretty crazy when I was younger, but that was a while
ago now."
Rachel says, "well, i think of it as a vice. i tend to be very male
minded about sex, which made guys happy, but seemed to alienate me a bit
from my female friends."
Jeff asks, "How do you mean 'Male minded'?"
Rachel says, "i have the 'i want to get laid mentality' which most women
won't admit to and some women really don't have. i have a huge sex drive
and i don't think there is anything wrong with absolutely anything
consenting people chose to do behind closed doors [you do know this is
going to turn into today's diary entry]"
Jeff asks, "Ah. I'm not even sure that's 'male minded'... I've been
surprised to discover how many men are really quite conservative when it
comes to sex... I never understood it myself... But then I don't
understand most of society's problem with sex. Who cares what happens in
the bedroom? (Or kitchen, living room, garage, back lawn). Is it just a
'I'm going to bitch because I'm not getting any' thing? Or is it a fear?"
Rachel says, "you are right. there are lots of conservative men. i just
find that in college social situations i could sit around and talk about
sex like one o' the boys, but most other females found the subject matter
(or rather, how it was discussed) to be exceptionally distasteful..."
Rachel shrugs.
Jeff laughs. "I've always been lucky in finding female friends who were
quite interested (intellectually, I mean) in sex. Somehow I always end up
being the local sex therapist, I get everyone's take on it."
Jeff says, "My theory (can you tell I have many?) is that most women do
want to talk about sex, but worry that an attempt to do so will be taken
by a man as a come-on rather than a genuine conversation. Either that, or
it will be greeted with Beavis & Butthead-like 'heheheheheheheh... she
said Orgasm... heheheheheheheh'"
Rachel says, "Well, that kind of fear is very grounded in reality. When
ever I bring up hypothetical sex, men seem to thing I am specifically
referring to them, which is a shame, because it is such an endlessly
fascinating topic of conversation."
Rachel says, "I do think people get pissy about what they term 'deviant'
sexual behaviours because of fear. Have you seen this: http://www.stopdrlaura.com/?"
Jeff chuckles, "'Deviant' just means 'different from me'. :) I grew
up in Vancouver, which is sort of the Canadian San Francisco...if you were
gay & Canadian you moved to Vancouver. I never understood what the big
deal was, but some people got down right violent toward them. There were
even some cases of rednecks coming in from the suburbs and jumping people
coming out of gay bars. Of course, this was in the middle of the "Pink
Ghetto" as it was called, population of gay or gay-sympathetic people? 1/4
million. Population of rednecks? 6. The rednecks were eventually
caught and taught a lesson in tolerance..."
You say, "Dr. Laura apparently has said that homosexuality is a biological
error. No wonder people are protesting!"
Jeff says, "Yes, I'd heard that. What do people expect, her degree is in
physiology, not in psychology or anything else remotely appropriate."
Jeff says, "Perhaps she's a gay man living in a hypocrites body? :)"
I love working out my beliefs via conversation. Jeff
and I could go on and on for hours. In the middle of the mess, I e-mailed
one of my exes and asked him the last time he got an STD test. I was
having a long thought process about how many irresponsible people I know,
but I think he got a little scared that I was telling him I had come down
with something, even tough we haven't slept together since 1996.
What I was referring to in my conversation with Jeff
was a friend of mine who tried to justify having unprotected sex by saying
the two women to whom he was referring were conservative. My eyes
bulged out when he said that. Are people still that naïve? I knew
they weren't that conservative, since they had each elected to
spread their legs for him. Then he started in on how hard it is to
contract STDs. My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe I was hearing this
from a successful 25-year-old Berkeley graduate. I started telling him about people I knew. I
started dredging up facts and figures from my days as a peer counselor.
then I backed off, because I could feel myself moving from friendly to
attacking. That conversation still shocks me to this day.
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