9 57 am pdt [ sex ]
As Matthew
and I were on the phone last night, tucking each other in, Red Shoe
Diaries came on the tele. If you have not seen the show, it is Showtime's
most finely produced soft-core porn. Last night's episode was one I
recognized from high school. A beautiful but dissatisfied woman wishes
she could be ravaged by a stranger. While attending Carnival, her wish is
granted. A handsome stud appears from the ocean, has satiating sex with
her on the beach while neither of them is bothered by the presence of sand
at delicate points of friction, and then he disappears.
I would hazard a guess that the sex with a stranger
fantasy is quite common. I have a friend who had sex with a women who's
name he did not know. That sounds nice in principle, but I could never
have even a two minute conversation with someone and not ask their name.
My insatiable curiosity tendencies dictate that the sex with a stranger
fantasy does next to nothing for me. I much prefer something along the
lines of a powerful sexy man who plays me like a baby grand.. When we
meet later in a social situation, we both pretend it is our first meeting
and eventually slip off into the coat closet together. Well, you get the
idea...
The sex with a stranger fantasy involves a spontaneity
an impulsiveness which I certainly possess, but which I balance
against my brain instructing me to follow the "let's wait several weeks
while we get his and hers matching blood tests" fantasy. This is not the
era of reckless abandon by any means...
Sex has always been (and probably will always be) a
balance between what the flesh wants and what the brain says is correct.
It just so happens that as we (as a society) move away from the notion
that women aren't supposed to enjoy sex (or at least not admit to enjoying
it) the brain stops saying, "Good girls don't do that!" [and thankfully,
my brain never said that] and starts saying, "That's a mighty dangerous
activity."
Sex has always been dangerous, but an unwanted
pregnancy pales in comparison to a life-ending illness. I am awed by the
rationalizations people come up with to continue having unsafe sex, but at
the same time, I understand that reckless abandon is one of the more
appealing aspects of exploring one's sexuality. I also recognize that
for the generation one older than mine, they have had to redefine their
sexual practices, rather than growing up in the era of AIDS...
I don't really know where I'm going with this. I do
know that seeing that tele program last night recalled high school
fantasies and escapades. I could possibly indulge the idea of the dark
stranger at Carnival if a condom was involved, but I would probably manage
to feel mighty guilty the next day [and this is all presupposing that I
was single]. I would feel guilty for doing something I knew was
potentially dangerous.
When I was younger, the issue was always the number of
guys one had slept with. In the societal view of whether or not one is a
slut, that number is all that matters. It isn't how you dress, or what
you've done, or how many times you have been with a particular person, but
rather the number of penises that have been inside you (obviously, I am
speaking from a heterosexual female viewpoint [I wonder if there are
notions of sluts in lesbian relationships or communities...]).
I have met the occasional guy who disapproves of one of
his male friends for sleeping around so much, but in general, there
doesn't seem to be any stigmata attached. Women scoff at certain men who
have a reputation for large numbers at lovers, but many of those women
also feel the pull of curiosity and the desire for experience... Are
these generalizations too broad? I don't think so.
I like to believe I could overcome my sexual hang-ups
if I were to find myself single again and indulge is a several year
festival of Rachel hedonism.
hedonism
date: 1856
noun
- Pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the
senses.
- Philosophy: The ethical doctrine holding that only what
is pleasant or has pleasant consequences is intrinsically good.
- Psychology: The doctrine holding that behavior is
motivated by the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain.
sybaritic
date: circa 1555
noun
- [From the notorious luxury of the Sybarites]: synonymous with
VOLUPTUARY, SENSUALIST.
adj.
- Devoted to or marked by often excessive or effete luxury;
synonymous with SENSUOUS.
voluptuary
date: circa 1610
noun
- A person whose chief interests are luxury and the gratification of
sensual appetites; a SENSUALIST.
sensualist
date: 1813
noun
- A person who follows the ethical doctrine that the pleasures of
the senses are the highest good.
[According to dictionary.com,] Sensuous (date: 1640) can refer to any
of the senses but usually applies to those involved in aesthetic
enjoyment, as of art or music. Sensual (date: 15th century)
more often applies to the physical senses or appetites, particularly those
associated with sexual pleasure.
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