9 26 pm pdt   [ a confession ]

I have a confession to make. It's a big one, and you'll probably think less of me, but I can't resist.

When I was a sophmore in college, my roommate bought one of those women's magazines, and she gave it to me when she was done because I wanted to cut up the ads and make a collage.

I never cut it up though.

I read one of the articles and I squirreled the magazine away under my plush burgundy chair. I have no idea where it is now.

The article I read promoted having two boyfriends at the same time (obviously with neither one knowing about the other). "You're not married!" the magazine proclaimed. "Men do it all the time."

Men do seem to do that all the time. But the idea of a woman being so cool and calculated. It was a bit of a revelation to me. I am very guilt driven, so such an activity was quite foreign to me. Not that I was so innocent, but the way this article was writen, describing close calls and how women smoothly pulled out of them... The article referred to how men are infamous for claiming "it's not what you think" when caught in bed with another woman. The article encouraged women to do the same.

And I liked the idea.

And I still do.

And [here comes the confession] I am actually a little angry that I can't do that. I would feel so terrible, yet the idea of having two lovely simultaneous trysts is a bit glorified in my mind.

I suppose that if my father had never had an affair, which broke up my parents' marriage, I would be much more likely to be able to actually committ said activity, but as it stands, I am simply a little mad at myself that I can't.

June 1998
June 1999
June 2000

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