_________________
Thursday
24 May 200110 53 am pdt [ in the beginning ]
I don't know where to begin. I suppose the beginning would be the best place. In my high school essays, the most consistent criticism I received was that my writing was poorly organized. I was told my great ideas jumped around and needed transitions. One of the things I am most disappointed about from this daily writing exercise is that said problem persists... I will try to be good...
I started writing this diary in 1997. After two months, a friend and co-worker named Jane let me know that she had her own online diary, started several months earlier, and that there was actually a thriving community of nearly 300 online journallers. I joined a ring or two and did my best to avoid the community at all costs. One of the results of this decision is that I found myself with a majority of readers who weren't involved in the community. Then, after about two years, I decided to see what all the hubub was about. I plunged in head first, getting involved in projects by the handful. To me, the most lively part of the community is the twin mailing lists diary-L and journals, both being for writers of online journals, but the latter being also on the subject of online journals, while the former is about absolutely anything at all.
The community is not very welcoming to new people. I suspect this aversion stems from the volume of people who join up and then quit writing after a month or two. I was able to hold my own with a strong set of opinions and a substantial archive. But the community couldn't hold me. There are about a dozen persons I felt were intentionally cruel to other, and I just didn't want to immerse myself in that environment. After working to defend people I were certain were going to be hurt by careless posts, I dropped out of site again. I've gotten a few links from other journals, but the majority came from Catherine (of cmjcom.com), who gave up her journal quite some time ago in favor of a photographic publication.
The result has been that I have gone back to not being read by the community. The new generation (people who have started in 2000 and 2001) for the most part don't know who I am. To me, it is the same as before... I've taking a small, wonderful ground of friends away from the experience, and I pop back in when I need some relevant information. I have no doubt the community will always be there.
I found myself trying to explain all this in a few minutes to Bitter Hag (of bitterhag.com) after she picked me up, to kindly drive me to a gathering of online journallers taking place in San Francisco [which had been planned on ThreeWayAction]. She's not bitter at all, with a beautiful infectious giggle, so if you don't mind, I'll call her BiHa.
I was relieved I hadn't messed up in giving directions to the house, and I was excited to meet someone new, so I hopped in the car and we began chattering immediately. Nearing the bottom of the hill, BiHa astutely noted smoke coming from the right side of the car, so we pulled over and looked at the billowing brake. As we stood, waiting for the sad tire to cool, we began this delvation into the community, which began when she asked what diary-L is.
Back in the car, I was unhappy with how I had conveyed what I was trying to, but the emotion was swept away by our lovely conversation, continuing concern about the car, and concentration on arriving at our destination.
My time in the car with BiHa would turn out to be a majority of the evening, and one of the things I most enjoyed. As I said then, "It's all part of the adventure..."
We managed to find parking and we made our way into the crowded restaurant. I knew before we went that we wouldn't know who to ask for when we got there, and the seater was not helpful when we said we were there for the large party of approximately 15. BiHa spotted a nametag and said, "We're with them," and the seater woman rudely told us the party was for 12, and that she had seated 12, so we would need to wait for our own table. I tried not to visibly roll my eyes and nicely asked if we could "just go back and say hi." We found the packed table...
Getting to spend all that time chatting with BiHa in the car was the first of many pleasant surprises. In attendance was David (of randomlife.com) [below on the far left]. It was lovely to see him again and we managed to do our fair share on catching up on each other's lives...
I had been interested in chatting with Joy [below, second from the left] but we ended up seated too far from each other. The event seemed like two distinct parties seated at the table together -- the noise level in the restaurant preventing cross-table discussion -- but I was pleased as punch with where I ended up.
I managed to nab an empty chair next to Jolene (of cremerinseandtobaccosmoke.com), whom I had really been looking forward to seeing again. She brought her little princess Jessica, who was quite the show stealer.
On my other side was Heather, college roommate of some online journal who's name I didn't manage to catch. After fighting with a waitress, I manage to convince a busboy to bring us an extra chair for BiHa, and she sat at the corner of the table. Next to her (and across from me) were Eleanor (of ellipses) [who I met in 1999 when I hosted a gathering] and Mo (of mopie.com). May I just say right here that Eleanor, Mo, Heather and I could have spent about seven hours straight drinking and talking (mostly about sex, of course).
So Eleanor, Mo, Heather and I are causing a ruckus, culminating with one of them exclaiming, "Oh, I've fucked a lot of them!" The jokes were flying (as they always seem to when journallers get together) and I was giddy with laughter.
Suddenly four of us had our cameras out at the same time and the flashes were going off regularly. BiHa tried to block a double assault from Jolene and I, but we were just too much for her...
Then Jolene and I pointed our cameras at each other...
Matthew was supposed to meet me at the restaurant, so BiHa kindly leant me her cell phone to call him. He was in a foul mood driving around outside looking for parking, so I had to jet off without saying proper goodbyes to most people.
And this event has made me think about the community again. I'm part of it, even if not in the standard way. Currently, the community is rallying around its members who feel betrayed by a journal of a girl dying of cancer which has turned out to be fake [if you are interested, you will find many days worth of reading linked from this page]. I'm just glad to have stolen a slice of laughter from a bunch of lovely people yesterday evening...
< May 2001
Rachel's Daily Diary>
