4 00 pm pdt [ an open letter to an unknown person ]
Unknown Person, this being an open letter, I hope you
won't mind that I have to do a bit of explaining for the sake of my
readers. They delight me to no end, and I should like to give them a
complete picture of the situation.
On 27 May 2001, you anonymously filled out the "advice"
box of my virtual tip jar and
said:
Try not to force your writing. Eloquence
should flow, not be coerced. Sometimes I feel like your diction isn't
very natural. Look at some published novels and you will understand when
you compare the writing to yours.
Sometime thereafter you perhaps noticed that my e-mail
address had been removed from my front page. You perhaps also noticed the
change on my tip jar page from:
Well intentioned e-mail is always
appreciated. I am open to suggestions and corrections and just about
anything that is not "You suck!" or "Your site sucks!
to:
Kind-hearted e-mail is always appreciated.
After years of opening myself up to "constructive criticism" I am no
longer interested in any negative commentary. If you feel that my arms are
too skinny or that I need a haircut, please keep it to yourself. I have
received too many unkind e-mails. I am not looking to embrace Jesus. I am
not interested that you feel that my "diction isn't very natural" since I
write as I talk. I have already spent a lifetime being teased for being
vegan and for not doing drugs; I really don't need it from you. If you
have a question, would like to report a dead link or spelling error, or
wish to send me a message which is considerate of my feelings, please do.
Enough background, don't you think?
I read every single day of my life, and have since my
earliest memory. Do you have any idea how insulting it is to me that you
suggest I "look at some published novels"? I have mentioned in my diary
that I both read nightly and that I spent the greater portion of my
college career reading for pleasure instead of reading the assigned texts.
I have written about my effort to read classic works of literature which I
feel I "missed" in high school, such as Catch-22 and Catcher in the Rye.
I have created a page which documents the
books I have read and am currently reading. Does it make sense to you
then, that I found your suggestion offensive and uninformed?
In addition, I don't feel that my diction is forced.
It is most decidedly similar to my spoken diction. Presumably, you
wouldn't know this, having never had a conversation with me. I can trace
the origin of several of my specific language quirks. I use whom (rather
than who) when appropriate due to a childhood of relentless correction
from my father for that specific misuse. I sometimes do not use
contractions in my writing where I would in my spoken language because I
had a high school teacher tell me that removing contractions from my
writing encourage readers to take it more seriously, and the habit has
stuck. Lastly, I happen to have a passion for the English language which
I have written about on my dictionary page,
and which I illustrate by receiving three new words a day in e-mail (and
saving each one I did not previously know to a file named "words" on my desktop). My text is sprinkled
with words that I love and I use loathe, myriad, said [as an adjective],
etc. in my everyday conversations. I happen to feel that my language is
decidedly unsophisticated (i.e. pedestrian), so I felt that your comment
was written after having read little of my online verbiage and with little
though for how it might effect my feelings.
The emotion you have encountered is not any sort of
specific anger towards you but rather a general sense of being fed up.
Two days after receiving your comment, I also received:
i just loved your essay on the
origin of mooos!!! it was smashing
also it was enlightening to meet someone else with such a bad drug
problem as you, at least i got the impresion that you have a problem or
else you are just very very strange and flaky and odd and fuckeeed in the
head
also i loved your idea for using a blender as a sex toy very much it kept
me amused while i was reading your diary!!! it was orgasmic fun for alll
the family!!!!
In a moment of anger, I responded:
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
I was truly baffled why someone would send me that. He
answered:
"noTHING"
I don't want to believe it is nothing. Something feels
wrong about that to me. Why send someone a message to hurt them? Why be
intentionally cruel?
You will find that many online journallers assert that
they are either self-absorbed or egotistical. I understand that those
descriptors might be applied to someone who keeps and online anything, but
I don't feel that I am either.
I am neither elitist nor narcissistic, both of which I
have been accused of being by persons who have stumbled across my pages
and bothered to take the time to insult me for my efforts. I work hard to
be compassionate and considerate and all I ask is that you do the same.
Unknown Person, I have no idea if you'll ever read this, but if you do,
please do not write to me again.
