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Saturday
15 September 20018 11 pm cet [ not a war ]
I've had a long entry brewing in my head since I last wrote, but I haven't had access to a computer until now.
At first I was angry, angry with the way our president handled the situation. I didn't feel this was "more than an act of terroism, an act of war." I felt it was exactly an act of terroism -- a horribly successful attempt to disrupt, hurt, and terrorize.
I felt that New York's mayor Giuliani reacted perfectly, not focusing on who was responsible and how we would retaliate, but simply on trying to save lives, on the positive ways people were reacting, on how to help.
On the day I learned of the attacks, I felt especially ill because I had recently spoken very lightly of terrorist attcks. Matthew had brought up the subject of how Americans would react to the possiblity of death in a new war if we had one and I had said that American were never at risk on their own soil and the only successful war would be one of terrorism. I am disgusted that I could think of such an act as a simple strategy, but I suppose this is how we learn to cope with the horrors of the world.
I feel that Bush's push towards retaliation is partly responsible for the ensuing threats of violence and attacks on Americans "who look Arabic." If he hadn't emphasized which countries harbored terrorists, then we could think of these as isolated madman, instead of members of a larger group of religious fanatics. In America, I regret to say that we have an incredible number of stupid, ignorant, and bigotted people. I felt Bush was giving them someone to hate. Perhaps he needed to. Perhaps we can't handle the idea that such a small number of people could cause so much devestation; perhaps they have to be part of some huge organization that we can be confident our government will go after.
Then one reporter shared that these attacks resulted in the largest loss of Ameican lives, on our soil, from an outside force, ever. So now maybe I understand why he made such a hubub out of retaliation instead of placing the focus on saving lives, where I wanted it to be.
Around the world, I am trying to watch a little less of the news each day. I try to make my exploratory walks around the city a little longer each time. We are now sure whether Matthew's mother and sister will make it here as planned (I believe they are flying over tomorrow, if possible). No more shipments or employees were sent to the show Matthew is working, so I was not displaced by his roommate, and very few Americans attended the show, which began yesterday.
E-mail has been a real blessing, as I have heard from all of my family in friends in New York save one person, and I'm sure she simply hasn't checked her work e-mail yet. I spoke with my grandfather, who has lived all 86 of his years in New York (and all but 15 of those in Manhattan), and he said he simply can't believe this could happen in America, especially in New York. He reported that all of the family is fine and it was reassuring to hear his voice.
The only sight of the day I wanted to share was a small taste of the number of bicycles in this city. They are everywhere, and they are all old.
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