11 45 pst [ official answer readers' questions week ]
I wonder what it is like to come home to him everyday.
This question could be answered in two ways. I could
cover the shear bliss of coming home to the man I love ever day, to our
shared space, to the home we have created. Or I could discuss the
specifics of coming home to Matthew.
It is only fair to point out that I come home to an
empty apartment and then he comes home to me. Matthew's office is an hour
to and hour and a half from here, so he spends several hours a day
commuting, wile I only have to go three exits down the freeway to the
school I work at. He does work from home on Mondays, when he drives me to
and picks me up from work.
I love living with him. I don't have even a moment of
regret about it. Our personalities mesh well in terms of sharing the
apartment. I am a little disappointed that he is so often tired and/or
cranky when he gets home from work, but I understand that completley. He
is the most perfect man for me imaginable.
How many readers do you think you have and how many do you have
actual contact with?
I have no idea how many readers I have. I stopped
logging hits through the server several years ago. My only interest is in
links to me. In that depatment, I try to keep track on my readers page. I'm fascinated to know that some
students have been required to check out the site and that I've been among
the topic of several term papers and theses.
I get e-mails from readers on an occasional basis.
They often say they've been reading for years but haven't had the occasion
to write until just then. I'm met a handful of readers in person, and
will continue to do so as it suits my mood.
I wonder if photography is something you've always enjoyed or
something you picked up with the ease of having a digital camera?
I've always enjoyed photography in an amateur sense and
I've loved film even more. I have enjoyed seeing the world through a
lense since I was very small. When I was younger I would often direct my
friends in plays and I would use the video camera as often as possible.
Having a digital camera is one of my delights. Matthew has let me have
his on permanent loan. I am trying to take at least one picture a day.
You have a ton of pictures on your site and many entries as well as
other things. That must take quite a bit of space. I was curious as to
what webhost you use.
A really generous friend has given me webspace
for free since I went off school servers and got my own domain name. Tis
site does take up a lot of space, especially when I add movies or mp3s.
How does Matthew feel about having his life publicized on the net?
For instance his mood swings? Is he sensitive to his anonymity or is he
just very accepting of a "public life"?
First off, Matthew doesn't read this, so whatever he
feels about it might be based on a skewed idea of what I write here.
Second, my perception of his feelings, as I am about to report, might be
totally incorrect. All that aside, he has said he doesn't mind what I
write. He trusts me not to reveal anything inappropriate (though I'm not
quite sure what that would be). I don't tink he considers my diary as
giving him a "public life" because it doesn't infringe on his life. I
would take pictures of him whether or not they were going online (in fact,
on of my first student films starred him sleeping). Occasionally we'll be
out with a friend who will bring up something I've written about and that
will startle me as much as Matthew.
So the short answer is that he trusts me not to
embarrass him, too much. As for the mood swings, he'd be the first to
tell you that he is moody (he believes that taking Vitamin B levels is
moods, and as evidence, the worst grouchy days are ones when he has
forgotten to take his Vitamin B). As for sex, I know he'd rather I didn't
write about it, but again, he trusts me not to say too much. Matthew
highly values his privacy. He would never want to be famous. He doesn't
like attention.
In all your years of journaling (publicly and privately), what would
you say are the three most important things you've learned about
yourself?
I'm not sure I could narrow down the most important
items. I've learned how much I need an audience (I used to tear the pages
out of my paper diary but I've never removed anything from this diary,
though I think about it all the time) and the self-imposed necessity of
writing every day (what was I thinking when I put "daily" in the title?).
I've learned that I have an awful memory, and so much of my experience
would be lost if I didn't fix it down with words. I've learned to forgive
myself for some of the aspects of my personality I battle with. For
example, I get excited about things, and throw myself into them, but don't
always finish them. But I often come back to them later, so really I've
just slow at get things done, instead of being flakey.
I've learned not to stifle my need to create. I have
to write and take pictures and draw and paint and sculpt and make jewelry
that I never wear. I have to do these things. I have no choice, and even
if I did, I would still want to have this creative urge.
Is there someone you have never mentioned in your online
journal?
This was asked privately, but I'll answer it publicly.
Of course there a hundreds of people I have interacted with that I've
never mentioned, but not one that I consciously decided to leave out.
I've never intentionally excluded someone from my diary. I doubt I'd be
able to even if I wanted to. There are two entries about a person that I
will have to wait a while to post (they were written a few years ago), but
I've written about her before.
more questions?
January 1998
January 1999
January 2000
January 2001
January 2002
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Rachel's Daily Diary
