11 53 am pst   [ recrudescence ]

recrudescence ree-kroo-DEH-sunss noun ~1721 a new outbreak after a period of abatement or inactivity; renewal

I have realized something. I have realized that the most stunning personal websites are run by people who spend all day on them. Take, for example, Catherine's now-defunct Naked Eye, Ginkgo's Pile of Leaves, or the stunning (and currently on hiatus) noahgrey.com.

These sites are filled with magic. They reflect the wonder of an imagination left unfettered and given the proper medium in which to explore.

I don't wish to imply that I could produce what any one of them has if I were given a thousand years, but I do know I could do something more if I had more time.

I know because I've felt it. I have touched my own creativity. But today it feels... groggy? I can't think of a word to describe how I feel. Anticipatory.

I feel that this site has turned to mush lately. I want to say I haven't been able to do what I want to, but really I simply don't have the time. I'm still waiting for that magic way to make enough money working at home doing something I enjoy. I actually did some contract work doing internet research for someone, but it doesn't look like that is going to last.

I have been sensing all along that I was on the verge of a recrudescence. I thought the site might be evolving, and it was simply feeling awkward in its own transition. I've had brief moments when I've thought I should simply stop. But I don't want to.

I've considered turning the diary into a photo diary with only minimal text. I've considered getting some sort of page-generating script instead of coding by hand. I considered so many ideas, but none felt like a solution.

So I will simply bear with myself, and see what comes from this time of change. I hope I am able to foster a renewal of creativity, experimentation and creation.