1 50 pm pdt
I think about writing all the time. I miss my diary,
and there are certain world events occurring now that I would like to
reflect upon. I compose entried in my hear. I make note. I look at my
calendar and think of recreating my thoughts on ccertain days. Sometimes
I take my computer with me, but I end up spending my free time playing
solitaire or working on my family tree (there have been a few
break-throughs).
But here I am, sitting in the heat, sun so bright I
can't see the screen. I can hear someone talking slowly on a radio in a
nearby car. I assume it is someone talking about the war.
I am waiting for "my charge" (as Matthew calls her).
She is the 13-year-old girl I nanny every weekday afternoon. I mostly
rive her around,. help her study for tests, and do her laundry. Sometimes
it seems like an amazing way to earn a living (I earn one and a half when
I do from my morning job as a preschool teacher).
2 03 pm pdt
She gets out early on Thursdays -- 1:55 pm -- so I have
extra time to kill. I was saying that sometimes my nanny job seems like a
great way to earn money, and other times it feels too menial for words.
That's mostly because my charge likes to make me work. I can tell that in
her 13-year-old view of the universe she thinks that I need more to do.
Sometimes I'll be making her after-school snack and she'll walk over to
where I am, right next to the dishwasher. and ask me to put something in
the dishwasher instead of doing it herself. Such is life.
I've been a bit depressed of late, which has been part of my
non-motivation to write. But before I get into that, let me catch you
up...
2 17 pm pdt
I had to make her salad for snack. So, in January my
step-dad died. He'd been married to my mom for 8 months. They'd just
bought a house together. That event ruined my hopes for 2003 to be a
spetacular year.
My morning job at the preschool is pretty lousy. I
like my two coteachers, but each does a bunch of things that I think are
wrong and I'm not confortable letting them know (one has let me know that
she'd like me to keep my opinion to myself the first time I offered a
suggestion and the other has been argumentative and unresponsive). For
example, one of the kids today said, "Can you open this?" in his little
kid voice and my co-teacher mimicked him in the meanest way imaginable. I
just gave her a disapproving look, but the words, "That's so mean!" sat on
my tongue for many minutes.
The director has made enough mistakes to be in the
irreperable zone. Many teachers are quitting at the end of the year.
Having her as a boss is demoralizing. And even though I am Miss
Conflict-Avoidance, I told her one day three examples of how she had been
negative the day before and how that felt to me. In the six months I've
worked, I do not believe I have ever received a compliment from my boss.
Not that she's ever given me a direct criticism either. She only doles
out group criticism, despite the fact that each time we complain and ask
for her to only speak to the people involved.
My workplace has broken our Union contract in several
ways, and I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything about that. I did get
in touch with our union representative and set up a meeting so that the
staff can be in touch with her, which feels like a good, proactive step to
take.
My apartment with Matthew has devolved into a huge
mess, which is mostly my fault. I am trying to go through everything, but
I'm not sure I will be able to.
I've gotten out of the habit of doing anything online,
including updating this diary. I get so much spam that checking my e-mail
feels like a waste of time.
On a side note, if I were to ever write a computer
virus (which I never would), it would resend e-mail messages on various
systems but randomly insert one of the words or phrases that would make
the message get flagged by Carnivore, which is the FBI's system which
reads every e-mail sent in this country. I think that having my e-mail
and phone conversations scanned is a huge violation of my constitutional
right to privacy. In addition, I feel that receiving junk mail, spam
e-mail, sales phone calls and door-to-door solicitations are all
violations of my right to privacy. I would love to see the government set
up a system by which all of these could be stopped. The only way that
would happen is if I sued someone and made the lawsuit go all the way to
the supreme court.
I got side-tracked. I was taking 5 Child Development
classes this quarter in an effort to obtain a nice Early Childhood
certificate from the state. Classes ended Tuesday. I will be taking one
more class next quarter, on Wednesday nights.
Matthew and I have two wedding to attend this summer.
There is still no plan as to when we are going to get married. Ideally
we'd buy a house before having kids. But buying a house seems
overwhelming. And we'd have to move, because we can't afford it here...
I want to write two books regarding children. I am
going to try to outline both at the beginning of the summer and see if I
have the motivation to actually write one. The one book I did write was
part of series which got sold to a different publisher who isn't marketing
it, so it is dead in the water.
In genealogical news, I found an actual city in Europe
where one branch of my family came from. It is actually a very small
village in Germany. I am really excited that I might actually be able to
find living relatives in Europe after all this time.
My car seems to be dying. I can't afford a new one.
I'll deal with that when I need to.
Matthew fixed my computer. It will die eventually but
I'll probably use it every day until it does.
Matthew bought a new digital camera, which I began
playing with last week. Our old one broke on Christmas Day.
I'm bringing the camera to work with me in an attempt to do some
Reggio Emilia style documentation.
