6 14 pm pdt   [ momentum ]

I've been trying to get a new routine going.

7 03 pm pdt   [ momentum II ]

I'm trying to come up with something to write about that intersts myself. I think I've been having sort of a low self esteem thing lately, mostly because my situation at work is pretty lousey, and so I don't feel like my thoughts and actions are worth recording. I think that has been a huge part of my paralysis with regards to my diary. Thankfully, I don't feel that way around Matthew, so we still have wonderful deep conversations on the nature of the universe.

Another problem with writing is confidentiality. I feel that I can't talk about the kids because that might violate their right to privacy and I can't talk about the adults because it's a business and I'm supposed to maintain that everything is perfect to all prespective and current clients. Meaning, if someone stumbles accross my diary (which someone certainly will eventually) then I could get in trouble for whatever I write. I don't want to go anonymous (and that's not really practicle at this point) and I can't think of any real solution besides putting a disclaimer on each entry that it might contain fiction and therefore should be taken seriously. [Sigh.]

Matthew was kind enough to accompany me to a work party yesterday. I was there for five minutes when one of my co-teachers publicly critisized me for not introducing my boyfriend to her (she did this in a joking fashion) and I was stricken with extreme discomfort for the rest of the afternoon. I did my best to do everything right (to be "excellent" in the Buddhist sense of the word). But I still messed up. And someone was so unkind as to point it out to me in front of our peers. Way to make a person feel good.