If I were to write a personal ad, this is what it would look like...

Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm looking for someone who is very smart, doesn't smoke, and is a good storyteller.

Here are some things about me that are a liitle unusual, just so you know what you're getting into:

* I like dating.
People seem to hate dating or find it to merely be a means to an end. I find each date to be a little adventure that can be really enjoyable if both people are into it. I delight in meeting new people. I love a good story.

* I believe we are each interesting individuals.
Sure I can be judgemental with the rest of them, but I do not fit any stereotypes. I don't buy the speech in Fight Club about how we are not unique snowflakes. We are. Each person is different. Each person you date is like a sweater that you have to try on to see if it fits right. I will have some qualities that drive you nuts (everyone will) but the idea is to see if you can live with them. Same goes for me. I will want to know details about you. I like talking. I like that in some ways you will be different from everyone else I know.

* I'm brutally honest.
I try never to be rude or unkind, but if I am uncomfortable or not having fun, I'm going to have to let you know. Some people are offput by my openness.

* I am very open.
I don't get embarrassed easily. No topic is off limits to me. I want to know others and be known by them, completely. Ask me anything.

* I am not a wimpy girl.
I will stand up for myself when necessary. And sometime even when it isn't necessary. I am a problem solver. A good word to describe me is feisty.

* I'm vegan.
This is way more than vegetarian. I do not eat meat, eggs or dairy. Yes, that means no butter, cheese or ice cream. This makes breakfast and dessert difficult (for breakfast I have cereal and soy milk at home and home fries or hash browns when out; for dessert I love fried bananas, strawberries and chocolate, fresh fruit, and the occasional apple pie). I also don't wear leather, sued, wool or silk. You can eat meat. I don't care and I won't bug you about what you eat if you'll show me the same courtesy. I can eat at any restaurant except McDonalds. I'm fine at a steak house, brewery, etc. I've been doing this for more than a decade and I really like it. So I don't intend to change and I don't intend to change you.

* I have never done any illegal drugs. Yes, I went to UC Berkeley and never even smoked pot. You'll probably find the next item even more shocking. I don't mind if you do like to "party" that way, but I will be uncomfortable if you are high all the time. I will be uncomfortable if you constantly attempt to convince me to try it.

* I have never had a cup off coffee.
I don't even like the way it smells.

* I don't drink any soda.
Are you getting the idea that I'm particular about what I put in my body? I like lemonade and water. I was super-anti-sparkling water until a few years ago. I spent many minutes in the grocrey store in Switzerland making sure I was buying non-carbonated water. Then I purchased a half dozen huge bottles. In the car I opened one of the bottles and discovered they were all carbonated. After drinking all that water I was addicted. Now I love sparkling water, or as I call it, sparkley water.

* I love food!
I love eating. I eat a lot. I talk about food. I think about food. I spend a lot of money on food. I want to try new things. I love having old favorites. I love to cook. I love to eat out. I love to eat (yes, I know I already said that). Writing this has made my mouth water.

* Saké is my favorite alcoholic libation.
I don't like beer and can't stomach much wine. I do have a whole host of beverages I will drink at a bar though (vodka gimlet, lemon drop, margarita on the rocks no salt, port, caipiroshka, etc.). When in Berkeley, I often want to stop at the saké brewery for their saké tasting.

* I am not religious.
I am happy to discuss this subject at length, and I don't care what religion you are, but please don't try to convert me or help me find god. I was raised Jewish in case that matters to you.

* I don't wear any make-up.
I might wear lipstick a few times a year. I have trouble convincing myself to wear sunscreen. I'm sort of lazy about my appearance. I choose function over fashion. I buy my clothes for texture. I don't usually wear any jewelry.

* I don't consume any news.
I know what's going on. But I know because I converse with people. I do not consume any news. That would be no TV, no newspapers, no magazines, and no radio. I find the news to be skewed and depressing. We can still talk about politics. I am willing to talk about anything.

* I don't watch any TV.
I don't like watching sports, but you're welcome to with your friends. I don't watch any TV, so if you ask me if I saw that episode of Friends, the answer will be no. I don't really think I missed out.

* I watch a ton of movies.
I love movies. I was a Film Studies major in college. I rent way more than going to the theatre. I'm not a film snob. I really like a good action movie.

* I like rap music.
Actually, I love it. I love listening to it, singing along with it, and dancing to it. I have phases with music; first it was oldies, then jazz, then classical, then classic rock. Now it's gotta be hip hop. I'm not as into music as most people. I don't turn on music first thing when I get home. But when I play the radio in the car, I most prefer rap. Watching me rap will amuse you, trust me.

* I love to sleep.
I'm not one of those people who can party all night every night. I try to get 8 hours whenever possible. I like to have more than one pillow. And I do this weird thing where I fold my pillow in half.

* I like to plan.
I love to have an excuse to get dressed up. I have a lot of energy to burn each day. I'll go out dancing or go hiking or try to teach myself something new. I can also be a lazy foo and sit on the couch and play with the internet all day. I don't have to have a plan. I can be spontaneous and impulsive. I love surprises. But I enjoy the act of planning.

* I love kids.
I am drawn to them. If we are somewhere and there is a cute kid nearby, I may stare, wave, make a funny face, or start a conversation with him/her. This is why I am a preschool teacher. When I was younger I said my career would always be the most important thing to me. Now I can think of nothing better than being a stay-at-home mom. I have learned to never say never. All my opinions have changed.

* I love sex.
I really, really, really enjoy sex. But I am also meeting a total stranger off the internet. So no, I will not be going back to your place on the first night because no, I do not want to be found chopped into a million pieces the next day. Please don't take it personally. I have to be smart about this. So I need to be sure I listen to my instincts and feel completely comfortable. Please respect that I need to do whatever is best for me at all times. I'm sure you're the same.

* I like myself.
I am far from perfect. I make a lot of mistakes and each one drives me crazy. But overall I'm confortable and happy with myself. If you're looking for someone who will want you to change them, I'm not it. If you're looking for someone who is in a good mood all the time, here I am.

* I am VERY passionate.
I have an opinion on everything. I enjoy debating. I will dissect an idea. I will try to learn whenever possible. I ask a lot of questions. I find a good meal to be orgasmic. I get fired up with ideas and thoughts. I love having an adventure. I will look words up in the dictionary. I love playing games. Repetetive noises drive my crazy! I have obsessions, like spending hours researching my family tree, and constantly searching for new fruit to try. I have a need to make art. I don't get bored. I am the opposite of dull.

* I loathe cigarette smoke.
Here's my one restriction: you can't smoke. I hate it.

* I believe in chemistry.
You might be brilliant and amazing, but if we don't click then what can we do? Likewise, you may drive me up the wall with annoying habits and I may still want to rip your clothes off. Isn't life amazing?

* I don't have a long laundry list for you.
I know this is unusual, but it doesn't matter to me. The most important thing is that you are smart. Intelligence turns me on like nothing else. I value brilliance, kindness, honesty, and humor. If you are up front about yourself, then I can probably handle whatever is different about you. I don't care about your age, height, weight, shape, amount of hair, race, ethnicity, cultural background, religious background, educational background, or what car you drive. It doesn't matter to me what you do for a living or for fun. I'm not saying these things don't matter, I'm just saying that I won't use them to limit you. What matters first that you have found a way to be happy on this planet. I have too.