December 99 December 98 December 97 _________________ Wednesday 08 December 99   10 11 am pst   [ dreams ] I had two dreams last night.   The first was about Catherine (a fellow online diarist), and I remember little about it except for the warm feeling I got being in the same room with her.   The second was about David (my first romantic interest).   He was telling a long and convoluted story about how he had been discussing me with someone else and he realized how important I was to him; the dream amounted to him appologizing to me for how cruel he has been.   David, I forgive you. I have a small pit of disappointment in my chest.   I was informed that the first public screening of my film would be tonight, but it turns out it was last night, so I missed it.   I'm bummed, but hopefully the feeling will pass shortly. 1 38 pm pst   [ in a vacuum isn't fun ] Writing in a vacuum just isn't fun.   I have recently joined a new mailing list called [journaling], in which a small army of fellow online diarists are working together to imrove their writing.   On the list this morning, Catherine [whom I dreamt about] wrote: "Writing is like being a lover, I guess - it's no damn fun if you don't get a response." She's right; writing in a vacuum just isn't fun.   So today I am soliciting e-mail.   You can fill in as little or as much as you want, but please at least send me your name. Be brave and bold. I'm looking for suggestions. I'm stretching my mind. I'm asking for recognition. I'm hungry for ideas. Consider it a belated birthday present to me if you need an excuse. name: e-mail: url: a compliment: a criticism: anything else: may I quote you on my site? if so, how would you like to be credited? if I were to make a special section with information about my regular readers, would you be interested in being included? you will return to the main page of my diary:                     3 44 pm pst   [ grouchiness monster ] I can feel the grouchiness coming on, creeping across my face and pinching my mouth into a scowl.   I have to remember to relax. I'm trying to get a script to work so that I can have a form on a web page, but that's the latest grouchiness.   I'm still bummed at missing my screening last night.   I am feeling as though I am not helping Matthew get his work done, and he is likewise not helping me.   We are in seperate rooms now, something which he only prefers when we fight.   But we didn't fight.   I just told him I was grouchy and he told me he was grouchy, and then he told me he was going upstairs.   He grabbed his backpack and headphones.   I told him I was going to pretend to take a nap.   I didn't even do a good job pretending. Maybe being here again with him is harder than either of us are admitting to.   Maybe we need to talk about that.   Maybe I need to figure out what on earth I am doing with my life.   Maybe... I haven't done any of the things on my short "to do" list except for seeing Aurora.   I feel slobbish sitting about on my bum all day.   I feel guilty because I enjoy it...

Rachel's Daily Diary   ^   evolving entries   ^   yesterday   ^   month   ^   tomorrow