December 99 December 98 December 97 _________________ Tuesday 14 December 99   6 26 pm pst   [ gathering continued ] So here's the food and the sunset from the gathering on the 12th.   I decided I had more I wanted to say.   I wanted to talk about Jane.   Jane has a journal older than mine, and she was the one who clued me in that there was a community way back in 1997.   I spent two years trying to avoid it, and the past few months diving in. But back to Jane.   She is one of the sweetest/kindest/considerate people I have come across.   She is a good model of someone I would like to be like.   Which takes me back to the whole bitch fest that occurred during the gathering.   I wouldn't have participated even if I had know who they were talking about.   This habit is the result of my mother. My mother went to one of her high school reunions years ago, and upon returning she told me a story.   She said that when she was younger she would never let people speak unknindly of others around her [yes, my mum was a total goody two-shoes, which she readily admits to].   She would insist that it was unfair to talk poorly of someone when they weren't there to defend themselves.   So at her high school reunion some woman came up to my mom and asked if she had stuck with that philoshopy, because it had made a strong inpression on the woman.   My mom had to admit she hadn't stuck with it, and at the time I just filed that story away, but I find that my mother's childhood philosophy of kindness has begun to creep out all over the place, especially in my online dealings. I think there is a phenomenon on the internet quite similar to road rage while driving.   People just aren't nice, and I think this is because there are so fewer consequences and because people don't seem fully human when you encounter them only as a bad driver in a car or as text on the screen. But being kind all the time is almost too much to ask, for humans relate so well when commiserating.   If you work in an office, saying, "My boss is a nice lady," really won't cause a conversation to take off like, "Bob over in accounting is a real moron; he pointed out a run in my stockings like it was a federal offense!"   I personally find complaining to be a useful way to relate to someone I don't know very well, but I certainly can't stand people who make it a way of life (and this is always where I feel awkward about complaining about complainers). So I do try very hard to be decent and polite and never pick on someone, especially if everyone else is.   My least favorite comment be a person who is rude online is You will be so surprised when you meet me in real life.   I always want to ask why, if someone can manage to be a peach to those around them, can they not manage to be a peach to those across the wire. My mother's offhanded comment about her reunion was -- I'm sure -- intended to be a lesson, but she will never know how profoundly it wound itself into the threads of my life. 10 35 pm pst   [ frivolous and girly ] A discussion came up on one of my mailing lists today about online diarists making wish lists of items they want and then guilting their readers into buying them something.   Apperently, a wish list is the trendy new thing to have.   I was shocked to realize I have had my wish list since June.   None of the items are things that I actually expect to receive, I just want to make another list in my grand tradition of making lists.   Reexamining my wish list, I realize that there are all sorts of things I irrationally want (yes, advertising does work) -- many of which I am embarrassed to admit to.   So I added a single item: an ionic hair brush, because even though I don't think it will work well, it still appeals to me Each time I read that it makes me laugh out loud.   It is hard for me to admit to wanting such a frivolous girly thing, but there it is.   I will try to own up to my silly desires more readily in the future, and hopefully honesty about such urges will allow me to examine and perhaps even expell some of them.