_________________
Sunday
3 October 99
my mother's bday
1 01 pm edt
My friend Adam (I specify, so
as not to confuse him with my brother
Adam) wrote me the following e-mail:
What a fantastic thing, this online diary, and how thrilling
that I've been mentioned on more than one entry. Please do not e-mail me
back! Write anything you have to say to me in your diary.
At first I thought this was an absurd idea. I have written webpages
as letters to (for example) young cousins who live in Israel, but
I have never considered using my diary as a forum for conversation.
I write to some anonymous abstract idea of a
reader. However, I do have a fantasy. If Matthew were more romantic, and we were better
correspondents, I would love to have a site of back and forth love letters
on the web. He would never go in for that, because he so values his
privacy. But I love the idea. I think it would be so
beautiful to document a romantic exchange.
1 24 pm edt
There has been a ridiculously long (but well spoken) thread about abortion
on diary-l. I think (as
a result) I am changing my opinion. I have always been
anti-abortion and yet very pro-choice. If I were to get pregnant,
abortion would not be an option, but I don't believe the government has
the right to regulate abortions. But now I am reconsidering being
against abortion. I have always thought it was wrong, but perhaps
it isn't. It is just wrong for me. Using a condom prevents a
birth and an abortion prevents a birth; I really cannot see the
difference. I have always felt that way. And I don't think
whether or not the fetus is alive at the time of abortion is an issue.
If left alone, it would (in all likelihood) become a baby. I
can in my mind reconcile believing abortion is murder and still not
believing the government should be able to regulate/prohibit it.
But I don't think abortion is murder. I never have. I've
simply felt that it was wrong, but now I no longer think that. I
simply believe that I would not have one [she says at 21, having no idea
what the future holds]. It feels so healthy to be able to see both
sides of the argument, and understand them both.
6 58 pm edt
Have you ever waited for someone to come back? Have you ever hoped
with all of your soul for your lover to turn around, and tears streamed
down your face? [I was thinking about when Sam left me at the airport.]
11 24 pm edt
Since it is my mother's birthday, I am
going to talk about her. I have a quote from her on my homepage:
"I can think of nothing more offensive than an online diary."
She hates this. She is vocal about telling me so. She cannot
fathom (she claims) why any rational person would put their diary on the
internet. After two years, she is no closer to accepting it.
In addition, she occasional reads this. Then on the phone she
critiques me. She is actually quite kind; she does a good job of
not telling me (I would guess) even a quarter of the things she dissapoves
of. It does make me sad thought, that she dissaproves of this so.
I look at family members who journal together and I get a bit jealous.