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Wednesday
13 October 99
3 16 pm 5 17 pm 6 27 pm 9 36 pm
3 16 pm edt
My grandfather is out of town, and will be until I leave for France on
Friday. I have that feeling I used to have when I was much younger
I got to stay alone. It is the feeling that I can be naughty, as if
there were some rules here that I now didn't have to worry aobut breaking.
My granmother divorced my grandfather more than 40 years ago, when she
went to Mexico with a man who was also leaving his wife. My father
was 12, his younger sister was 10 and his older sister was 14. My
grandfather never had children living with him again. Until now.
I want to ask him how he really feels about me living with him,
but I don't think he would share any negative feelings with me. I
did ask him why he let me come stay with him, but he gave me a fluffy
answer about how I wasn't sore on the eyes.
My grandfather was of the first-born generation in this country.
I never think about that. Nineteenth century immigration seems so
distant, but it really isn't.
5 17 pm edt
I recently learned that the world population has reached 6 billion people. Though all
officials can do is estimate, it is still significant to see how the
world's population continues to climb. I think the most
disheartening fact is that, in many countries, a woman's social status is
determined by the number of children she has, regardless of if she can
feed them. Life would be simple if everyone lived by the two
children for two people rule. Actually, each couple could probably
have three children and the population would still go down, since there
are quite a number of people who don't want to or are unable to have
children.
6 27 pm edt
I think that I will remember my life as better than it is. I think
I will remember every day as a thrilling adventure and the tradgedies as
truely tragic. I will remember my times as exotic and wonderful.
Perhaps I already do. I already believe that I lead a
charmed life. I already have oodles of confidence for certain
occasions. I already believe I can get away with anything I can set
my mind to. But I wonder how many inaccuracies I will grow to
believe.
9 36 pm edt
my anger for David flares up out of
nowhere sometimes. I'll be watching some abusive husband or boyfriend in a
movie and suddenly my disgust for that character will turn into a disgust
for a character I knew. he is the only genuinely cruel person I have ever
know. I have encountered some people on the internet who delight in being
rude and causing a stir, but I always believe in my heart that they are
just being nasty because of the anonymity of the
internet.