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Wednesday
31December97
New Year's Eve

4:41 pm
I just had an incredible hike with Alexandra.   She packed some snacks and we went marching through the Topanga State Park.   We could not have asked for a more beautiful day.   The weather was a perfect balance of warm and cool, with a light breeze blowing.   The crows were out in numbers; their black coats looked blue as they reflected the sky.   Alexandra is one of the few people I know who is as silly as me; she had quite a fit of the giggles as we recalled our trip to Hawaii together spring break of 12th grade.   We were quite pensive and we discussed the coming of the millennium and the nature of time.   I personally believe that there is a lot of unconscious tension about the approach of the year 2000, and that once it comes and the world does not explode, the planet as a whole will breathe a sigh of relief and things will be a bit better for a while (societally speaking).

6:12 pm
New Year's has never been my holiday.   I have never had much of an inkling of desire to go out.   I only did so one year; I went to a party at Desirée's.   New Year's occurred while we were in the car on the way to the beach and we heard the countdown on the radio in Spanish.   He is coming over; we are spending a quiet evening at home.   We are going to bake an apple pie (probably my second favorite dessert, followed by fried bananas) and watch movies.   This is my idea of an ideal evening.

6:43 pm
Cheers!

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Tuesday
30December97
Eighth Day of Chanukah

Tonight boasted the most beautiful sunset I have seen in years.   As I drove out of the parking lot after dinner with him I was awed -- the sky was on fire.   Since we were near the beach, I pulled into a parking space right at the cliffs and dragged him to look at the dying embers in the sky.   We cuddled on a park bench and shared worries with each other.   We [He and I] went shopping today, but found nothing to purchase.   I was tired because we stayed up so late the night before watching movies and eating strawberries and chocolate (my absolute favorite dessert on the planet!).   He fell asleep in my lap while I watched Belle de Jour, which I have loved ever since I saw it in a theatre with Kara when we were in high school.   I miss Kara; she goes to school on the east coast.   We horseback rode together even before we started going to school together in 7th grade.

My belly and I have been having an bit of an argument over the past few days.   He wants to be upset and hurt every time I eat and I tell him that he's not allowed.   We usually fight for about a half hour and them I win.   I hate it when my tummy is unhappy.

_________________
Monday
29December97
Seventh Day of Hanukkah

Spent the whole day with Him.   This is bliss.

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Sunday
28December97
Sixth Day of Chanukah

3:56 pm
My dear, dear friend Ben called me today at noon to let me know that he was leaving for Israel in four hours [which is four minutes from now].   He's going for three weeks, and I was so pleased that he thought to let me know before he left.   I hope he has a spectacular time there.   I want to visit someday.   My cousin Mark and his wife Aurlie are moving their family to Israel this summer (March 3rd).   I would love to go visit them once they are settled.   They have the most adorable daughters (my cousins once removed) and I am penpals with Liav (the older one).   My brother adores the little girls too, and is sad that they are moving away.   Aurlie is one of the sweetest women I have ever met, and I am always impressed with her ability to put up with this family.

Though windy, the weather here has turned beautiful, and I am looking forward to hiking in these mountains that I call home.   Alexandra and I have planned to pack a picnic on the last day of the year and have a feast in the State Park.   I am very much looking forward to that.   As of right now, I have no plans for New Year's Eve.   It has never been a holiday which I have celebrated, except for once when I went to a party at Desirée's.   I usually wind up baby-sitting -- if not for somebody else, then for my parents.   Speaking of Des, her mom and her had brunch with my mom and I today.   We always said that we should do that when we lived together last year.   So I finally offered up a date and we did it.   It was lovely; we went to Granida in Malibu.   I gave Des her Hanukah present.   [My spell-checker, which I just consulted, says that Hannukah can be spelled: Chanukah or Hanukkah.]

4:27 pm
When my grandmother died, the family decided that everyone who knew her could take something from the house that was of importance to them, to remember her by (which I thought was a beautiful idea, and I would like the same to happen for me).   I asked if she had a Menorah, since I needed one now that I live on my own and I wanted one that was old and handed down (I thought it would be lovely to be able to say that my Menorah had belonged to my grandmother).   We were unable to locate one in her house, but my grandfather just brought me a beautiful one from the East Coast.   His oldest friend, Paul, got it as a wedding present when he was married 57 years ago.   Paul is the father of one of my dad's partners in law, Michael.   Michael and my dad have know each other since 1969.   I have known Desirée since 1989.

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Saturday
27December97
Fifth Day of Hanukkah

10:41 pm
Last night He came to dinner with my cousin David, grandfather, father, brother, and sister.   I told him it was his good deed for the month.   Then he came back to the house with us and played a game of cards with the family.   David lost pitifully.   This morning he played two games of cards, after a little begging from my 11-year-old sister.   I missed Him.   I missed holding him and watching him sleep.   He is so good to me.   I cannot believe that he willingly spends time with my family; I know that he does so just to make me happy, and that means so much to me.   I cling to little things.

After cards last night we went to a Chanukah party [I love the diversity of spellings of Hannukah].   I got to meet his best friend Evan, who was really sweet.   I love watching old friends chuckle at each others' inside jokes.   They create such a warm atmosphere.

I cannot imagine walking all over a guy.   Most of my guy friends have horror stories about some girl that smushed the cheesy romantic in them.   Where could that drive come from?   I have never dated anyone that treated me like a princess, so I cannot actually say how I would react, but I assume that I would beam.   I believe that it would delight me to bits to know that someone I was interested in and cared about would make an effort to demonstrate reciprocated feelings.

While opening Hanukkah presents tonight, my brother asked, "When were coupons invented?"   He cracks me up!

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Friday
26December97
Fourth Day of Hannukah

10:29 am
A morning of reading Breakfast of Champions.   My favorite line is:

I guess God made women so men could relax and be treated like babies from time to time.

11:54 am
My father is singing x-mas songs in which he randomly inserts my name:

Rachel knows when you've been sleeping,
she knows when you're awake.
. . .
Rachel Claus is coming to town.

then
He knows when you've been sleeping,
he knows when you've made a mistake. [yes, I know he was singing incorrect lyrics]
He knows if Rachel's been bad or good,
So Rachel better be good for goodness sake.

5:23 pm
He called while we [the family] were in the middle of a heated game of cards.   My cousin David has just come into town.   He keeps losing at cards -- by a lot!   My whole family plays cards, even the people who marry in.

_________________
Thursday
25December97
Christmas Day

1:26 pm
I got quite the stash of gifts.   The opening of presents was hectic as always.   My mom forgot whom half of the gifts were for, since she didn't write names on them, and my dad made sure that he gave more presents than anyone else.   Afterwards we had a nice breakfast and soon we will be taking off.   I got an electric drill and a really big pot (20 quarts / 5 gallons) from my dad, both of which I wanted.   My mom got me a purse I had been eyeing and yesterday my grandpa took my brother and I shopping for CDs.   Now I have to deliver goodies to the rest of my friends, but I've run out of wrapping paper, so it should be interesting (we also have no newspaper or brown bags).   I hope that everyone is having a wonderful day full of holiday cheer!

6:21 pm
I read very slowly, but reading for pleasure is one of my greatest joys.   At City Lights in San Francisco with Matthew, I picked up The Celibacy Club, which is a wonderful collection of short stories by Janice Eidus.   This was the first thing I read when I got home.   Then I flew through Edith Wharton's Ethan Frome.   I wept when I finished it last night.   It was a bit like Romeo and Juliet in the sense of star-crossed lovers, but it was different enough to be thoroughly engaging.   Now I am immersed in Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut.   I am only one third of the way done, bit I am already certain that it will be one of my favorites for years to come.   The Sirens of Titan was one of the best books I read while I was in high school.

My friend Margarita just called.   She was gushing about her son, who is about to turn 17.   Hopefully, I am going to see a movie with her tomorrow.

7:01 pm
My brother says that Margarita has a gift for peeling potatoes.   He did so with her for our Thanksgiving feast.   I was just peeling with him.   Margarita is a bit ill and so she can't make it to our x-mas dinner tonight.

My brother and I completely entertain each other.   We make up stories about people we see.   On Tuesday we went out to lunch in Beverly Hills.   My dad was late meeting us, so we had to wait a long time to be seated.   While we were waiting, a woman came in with a very tall man.   He was wearing a long black trench coat, black pants held up by a big brassy belt buckle, pointy brown leather boots, sunglasses, and a bright turquoise shirt.   We dubbed him Turquoise Man and laughed at him for thinking himself so cool as to wear sunglasses indoors.   He finally removed his sunglasses and began scowling at a man who came in wearing a bright read coat and laden with four gold hoop earrings in his left ear.   My brother observed that Turquoise Man only had three silver hoops in his left year and determined that jealousy was responsible for his scowl.   The woman who took our name at the door was a 70-year-old chatterbox.   Her name tag read Talltree and was the source of much amusement for my brother.   We are like a non-stop game for each other.

7:17 pm
My dad just asked my grandfather to do something and my grandpa responded, "No!   Why should I?"   Very childish!   I laughed at the role-reversal.

11:10 pm
My dad had a friend of his named Gil over for dinner -- a really nice guy.   Gil thought my brother was older than me and his eyes got very wide when my dad said I was a junior in college.   That was after Gil observed that I must be 17.   Gil, short for Gilbert, is a chiropractor and has an identical twin brother named Hilbert (truly fact is stranger than fiction).   Much of our dinner conversation involved asking Gil professional questions (yes, it is bad to crack your knuckles).   Also, Adam and I derived much pleasure from grilling Gil about Hil.

_________________
Wednesday
24December97
Christmas Eve

8:26 pm
Another Christmas Eve.   Dinner was with my mom's favorite people: her two children, her boyfriend (Howard), and her best friend (Margaret).   Our meal was unconventional, but our holiday spirit wasn't.   I opened but one present (my brother snuck two) but we save most of our festivities for the morning, when my grandfather and father will come over.   I consider myself very blessed to have divorced parents who are still friends.   It seems silly not to be -- after all that time together -- but then who am I to talk, I will consider this vacation a complete coup if none of my exes call me.

9:12 pm
A new friend of mine named Chel (a fellow vegetarian film major) asked me how I got into film and what I want to do career wise.   This is a copy of the response I e-mailed her:

i took a film course in 11th grade
(i went to a private highschool)
and i've been hooked ever since then
in that class i suddenly realized:
hey, i love movies!
i could study them
and maybe even make them!
berkeley has no production, all theory
that was how highschool was too
i never minded
i figured i'd do production in grad school
now that i made a short, i'm dying to do more
and i'm hoping to complete a few projects over the summer
i'm REALLY into computers
so i might try to combine the two:
movies on the web, computer editing, computer animation
who knows?
i'd love to develop some new technology
that combines both film and computers
in some multi-media interactive way
i also love to write
and would have no objection to being a critical author
or even a critic on the side
i'd also love to write screenplays
i'll probably wind up doing whatever i can get hired at

_________________
Tuesday
23December97
Fist Day of Chanukkah

8:31 pm
Relationships are heavy on my mind.   He had a girlfriend before me; they dated for two years -- living together for one of them.   He moved out last march, at her request.   When I met him this summer I instantly developed an infatuation with him but I told my friends that I would not "go there" because he was still hung up on his ex.   Spending a ridiculously small amount of time with him completely diminished my willpower to resist throwing myself at him, so I did.   And I've been hooked ever since.   But I know he thinks about her constantly -- as anyone would -- and sometimes that knowledge eats away at me.   When we are together and he falls silent, I often wonder if he is thinking about her.   Everything I do will either be the same as or the opposite of her.   I know that sounds obvious, but it leads to a constant state of comparison.   When I dated Mike, we were each others' seconds, and he continually told me that what I did was the same as Dana or different from Dana.   I finally got fed up when he compared me to her on my prom night.   That was the night he gave me a ring.   I believe that he really thought I would be suitable material for marriage in a few years (I was 17 at the time).   What a bizarre realization.

Anyway, I wonder/worry about how much he thinks about her when he's with me.   I sometimes worry that he will call me by her name.   I sometimes think that I am here to heal him and I sometimes think I don't have the strength.   This would mean giving quite a lot of myself with little in return.   I have done this before and am not sure that I have a fresh start in me.   Actually, that's how I used to feel when I would date someone new, but I haven't really felt that way with Him.

I try very hard.   I try to be a stress-free source of joy for him.   He makes me very happy and I would do most anything to repay the favor.   I bought him several x-mas gifts, which I hope doesn't bother him.   I work hard and my favorite things about having $ are that I don't have to worry about things like how much food costs and I can buy lots of gifts.  ÊI love to buy people I-love-you presents out of the blue.   I often make excuses, such as: "Because it's Tuesday," but usually I just tell them the truth and say that I was thinking of them.   But some people don't like this gift giving.   They feel obligated to return the favor (which is ludicrous) or they feel uncomfortable for some other silly reason.   So I try to be wary of other peoples' feelings, but sometimes I cannot help myself.   I love perfect gifts, whether I buy them or make them.   And so I got him lots of presents and I hope he doesn't fell weird about that.

Writing about all of this has depressed me a bit [mostly the ex-girlfriend part].   I think about it sometimes, but some parts of it have never been formed into concrete sentences before.   On a different note, I had a lovely day today.   My brother and I went shopping (mostly he shopped and I gave my opinion of his intended purchases) while our grandpa was at a business lunch.   Then we spent the afternoon and evening with him.   While he napped a drew a quick sketch of him, which I will scan in later [when I am back in Berkeley].   I love my grandfather's stories of his youth.   Everything seems so exciting and he addresses things so nonchalantly.   He was drafted during the war, but on the day of his enlistment, the government passed a law exempting fathers from serving, so he didn't have to go.   He fought the divorce his wife wanted for two years before finally giving in, but he dismisses the whole experience in one sentence.   I almost laughed out loud at one point in his storytelling.   He said, "I might be exaggerating," and as he made this confession he added a flourish of the hand which caused the ice cubes to clink against his glass of vodka; I found the scene very ironic.   Last night I found out that my eldest cousin (Mark) has been sending my grandfather excerpts from my diary which he deems important [he will probably send him this].   I am not sure how I feel about my grandfather reading my diary.   It doesn't really bother me, but the fact that he was doing it without my knowledge seems strange -- almost awkward.

Tonight we lit the Menorah, though I was the only person in the family who remembered.   Tomorrow we will have x-mas dinner at my mom's.   Last night at dinner I was struck by my company: three generations of men -- grandfather, father, and son.   I love to look at the traits they share, and the ones they don't.

Since I've been home I've called darling Adam, sweet Alexandra, and wonderful Des.   I don't feel like letting anyone else know that I am home.   Alexandra was bummed because several of her friends have had deaths in the family of late.   That sure puts a damper on one's holiday spirit.

9:49 pm
I fear that for everything I try to communicate in this diary, I only get across half of my intended subject/thoughts/meaning.

_________________
Monday
22December97

10:31 am
My mother's house is cold again.   Sometimes I find it a bit unbearable, especially when I wake up several times during the night because I am freezing.   It reminds me of when one is ill or injured and even sleep does not bring comfort.   I find sneezing to be a wholly satisfying experience.   I want to take a road trip up to Berkeley over break.   I make an excuse to do so every break, but my real motivation is always to water my plants.   I want to repot a few of the trees, too.   I hope they are fine without me; they will not be watered for a month if I can't find an excuse to get up north.   My cousin Mark will be in the Bay Area and so I may go to see him.   Of course, at nearly the same time, my cousin David will be here in LA, so who knows what will happen.

Last night I dreamt about Jane, who is one of my co-workers and who I have become really good friends with over the course of the semester.   She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met.   I hope to spend a lot more time with her in the coming year.

1:01 pm
I just had some Tater Tots and I am about to leave here for my dad's house.   My brother slept for twelve hours, so were were unable to go shopping as planned.   My grandfather (my father's father) is coming into town today and we must go pick him up at the airport.   On the 26th, my sister will arrive from Florida.   This will be a vacation brimming over with family.

Sunday
21December97
Winter Solstice

9:58 pm
We [my brother, mother, and I] actually watched Anaconda, which definitely resides on the list of the top ten worst movies ever made.   I must say that I enjoyed John Voight's winking (especially after he had been regurgitated by an anaconda), the man who shaved his face while looking through binoculars, the scene which was printed backwards so that the waterfall travels upward [I would love to be a continuity editor for films], and the stunning realism of the anaconda snakes (if you cannot sense my sarcasm at this point then there is no point in reading further).   I am baffled that no one involved in making the film took the slightest caution to mimic the actual characteristics of actual snakes.   Living in the mountains we've had our share of snakes.   I used to bring home water snakes from the creek and once I was especially proud because I was able to catch a baby king snake.   We had pet snakes and my mom was especially fond of them, having also raised them in her childhood (and used them to scare her mother at times).   But we also had the occasional rattle snake -- diamond backs -- lurking around our house.   Having witnessed our next door neighbor shoot the head off a rattler in my own backyard at a young age has left its imprint: the thing didn't die for three full minutes, and the head was completely severed from the body.   Thus, I find it hard to believe that a massive anaconda would instantly drop dead (and loosen it's death grip on it's prey -- namely Ice Cube) after a mere three gunshot wounds to it's head.   I also know that this film was not made to be analyzed.   My brother is currently ecstatic at the prospect of watching Breast Men on television, especially because my mother informed him that it contains several gratuitous breast shots (which she calls token zoobie shots).

He is terrified of snakes, which is slightly amusing -- but I feel sorry for him.   I would love to help him overcome his fear, but I know he is not willing to try.   You have to want it to be able to do it.   There is nothing like that which I fear in life.   I'm not especially fond of spiders (though we also had a pet tarantula growing up), but I usually reach an agreement with them that if they stay on the ceiling I'll leave them alone.   I don't have any of the stereotypical female fears of mice or snakes; I suppose this is because I was a total tomboy growing up.

11:22 pm
Today is the winter solstice.   It is also my dear cousin David's birthday.   Happy B-day David!   I am so sore from lifting boxes of food all day.   I am fully satiated with my good deeds of the day.   I got to work with some boys (two in tenth grade and one in eighth) and they were loads of fun.   I have always been bossy, but the joy of this trait is that when you get older you get to say you have "good leadership skills" and then people somehow see you as an authority figure.   I don't suppose the fact that I was wearing a staff sign hurt a bit either.

_________________
Saturday
20December97

10:36 pm
I thought about him a bit too much today.   I miss his warm embrace, and he will be in Utah for another four days.   He loves to ski though, and I know this trip is making him happy.   I live to see him smile.

I am delighted to be home.   Sleeping in my flannel sheets makes me as toasty warm as laundry straight from the dryer.   My brother is a rare gem that I have waited long to see sparkle.   Last night we did our traditional holiday food packaging.   This is my favorite seasonal tradition, and I have been doing it for more that a half-dozen years.   An organization called One Voice purchases and collects food every year.   Then we sort everything into bags for two nights.   I missed these because I was at school.   On the third evening (last night), we sort the bags and cans of food into different sized boxes, which are donated based on family size.   On Saturday (today), the boxes are loaded on to trucks and delivered to different distribution centers (schools associated with the [wonderful] Head Start Program).   On Sunday, everything gets handed out; we even have toys for the kids [all of the families are below the poverty level].   I lead the high school chapter of One Voice at my school many years ago; it was fantastic to see everyone again (I didn't make it last year because I was in the middle of finals during packaging).   My brother is now heavily involved with One Voice and he readily admits that this is due to my influence.   While we were packaging, people kept asking how he had gotten involved and he would nod in my direction and say, "My sister."   I was/am so proud.   What a pleasure to learn that I have been a positive role-model for him.

I have a fully formed movie idea swimming around in my head and I am about to get to work on the script.   It is an unusual sci-fi, which is one of my favorite genres.

Tonight I saw Tomorrow Never Dies with Rebecca*.   I found it thoroughly enjoyable, and therefore I feel justified in complaining about the few scenes (explosions) which could be clearly identified as being made with miniatures and the long shot where the villain is talking but his mouth isn't moving.   I would also like to point out that if one is underwater beneath an exploding boat, one is likely to encounter some sinking debris, even if one is engaged in kissing, and if one is wrapped in a chain attached to the previously mentioned boat, then by the time the boat has finished exploding, the chain probably would no longer be in the same position and might be attached to some rapidly sinking debris or might even have been blown apart in the explosion, in which case the chain in question would sink, but certainly would not remain taught.

I have no real desire to see Titanic or Amistad, though I am sure that I would enjoy them both.   Sometimes I just can't stand the idea of a huge blockbuster film and I won't go unless somebody drags me.   I suppose that on occasion I just don't like the idea that I am expected to enjoy something -- that it has been meticulously constructed to entertain.   Sometimes I want something more real -- more thought-provoking -- and sometimes I don't care at all; I just go along for the ride.

11:01 pm
Sometimes I cannot understand all of the fuss over wide screen (I was just thinking about DVD's).   I've been told that they are going to begin manufacturing televisions in wide screen (the shape of a movie theater screen).   Who decided on wide screen in the first place?   Did anyone ever consider vertical?   Then we would be able to frame the human body perfectly, and we could throw landscapes to the wind.   Does anybody think about these things besides me?   Sometimes I feel perfectly ridiculous.

Sometimes I feel like quite a child when he straightens my eyebrows and laughs at my mismatched dress.   Sometimes I think I should really strive to be more lady-like.   I think how wonderful it would be to be classy and know how to do everything right.   But sometimes I really delight in being so unrefined.

_________________
Friday
19December97

8:57 pm
Finally home.   Our ride home was lovely.   We made good time.   We tease each other all the time, which neither of us minds a bit.   I've gotten to the point where instead of saying, "Are you making fun of me again?" I say, "Are you making fun of me still?"   Anything to see him smile.

We had dinner with his mom and sister.   I was a bit nervous about meeting them.   I am well aware of many of most faults and I was scared that one or two of them would prevail for the evening.   But everything seemed to go well, and I had a really nice time.

He is going skiing for five days, and I will miss him quite a bit.   I have grown quite accustomed to having him in my life on a daily basis.   I am also a bit worried that he will catch the eye of another woman; he is quite a catch.   He doesn't get jealous at all.   I think he has the confidence that he's the best and therefore he doesn't worry about competition.   I don't possess this quality.   Or if I do (perhaps I do think I would be fun to date) I doubt the ability of others to recognize this.   Actually, I believe that the issue lies in the fact that I have supreme confidence in how fantastic I will be in a few years, and so my faith in my present self sometimes falters.   Regardless, since we have a non-committed relationship, I told him he has to let me know if he gets together with anyone else -- and I trust that he will do so.

I have come home to my mother's house, which has been completely remodeled from the form in which I grew up.   We have always had an exceptionally beautiful house -- mostly based on the fact that it is nested away in the mountains -- and now it is more spectacular.   However, since the changes are new, my mom is a bit obsessed about keeping everything spotless, and I am beginning to feel like I am living in a museum.   My mom has always been a neat freak.   Her house (like mine, as I am the same) is always cluttered with an overflowing look to it, but it is never dirty.   We will make piles of junk everywhere, but we will dust this junk, and vacuum around it, and make everything spotless.

My room has become the receptacle for all of the junk that has no other home in the house.   I don't really mind; it is understandable, since I am away at college most of the time.   But it is difficult for me to be fully enthused about a remodeled house when I cannot even walk from my door to my window in my room.   All I want is a clean closet to use as storage, but I don't believe I will get this wish for many years -- if at all.

I was so pleased to come home and see my dog.   He is a beagle named Blu.   He was very clean when we played this morning and we had a little conversation about how silly it is that my mom doesn't have heat.   His room has a cement floor and he won't sit on it.   If you ask him to sit, he will squat with his butt hovering an inch above the floor.   My poor silly dog.   He tries so hard to appease.   I love him very much, as is evidenced by the framed pictures of him which I have in my room [at school].

_________________
Thursday
18December97

10:46 am
Today we will make the long drive to LA together.   I hope seven hours in a small space with me won't drive him too batty.   I cannot wait to hug my brother and sleep in my flannel sheets.   I am so pleased that this semester is over and so excited about the next one.   Here's to an uneventful ride home.

_________________
Wednesday
17December97

12:49 pm
Major crunch time.   At four o'clock I will be a free woman, but until that time, I will continue to stew in a pressure pot.

1:33 pm
I know I should be working, but I believe this to be my favorite thing I have ever written in an essay:

The film seems to reject the traditions of the culture, as though they can be thrown away like used tissues.

I have officially turned in my last piece of French anything ever (unless I am required to retake the class).   This knowledge is a great relief to me.   My film screening was seven and a half hours.   We sat in one room and watch student films from 5 pm until 12:30 am.   This was a large torture (yes, I am aware of how funny that sounds), though many of the pieces were quite fascinating.   Thankfully I got to go home, go to his home, and curl up in bed with Him.

_________________
Tuesday
16December97

3:32 pm
At four pm tomorrow I will be done with this semester.   Right now I am procrastinating from finishing typing up my last French compositions.   I am selecting various MIDI background music pieces to feed into my headphones.   This morning I went to the doctor because of my dizzy spells, but she found nothing wrong with me.   She did not feel that my near-fainting experiences were related to any of the causes that I suggested.   So I guess I don't have to worry.   But I was very displeased when the room started spinning last Thursday while I was lying down.

One of my friends is troubled because I have not mentioned her here.   I find this to be a ridiculous expectation; I don't write about ninety percent of what swims around in my mind all day, besides which, I don't think of her often (since I almost never interact with her).   I have trouble reconciling:
      Out of sight, out of mind.
with
      Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Perhaps absence makes the grow fonder only once someone is within sight again.   Either way, I have only seen this girl twice this semester.   I cannot have friendships that are utterly one-sided.   I give up if I am putting in all the effort.   But I am even more frustrated when someone puts in no effort, and then blames me for doing the same.   They whine: "you never call" and I have to explain that I call them as often as they call me.   This makes perfect sense to me.   I have had a few friends disown me.   Only one did it in a nasty -- intentionally trying to hurt me -- way.   Out of the blue he returned ever letter I had written him and a long letter stating that he never wanted any contact with me again.   What nonsense.   I have seen him twice on the street and he deliberately looks as far away from me as possible.   Both times I was fairly shocked to see him -- believing that I will never do so again -- and I started to laugh.   I often laugh when I am uncomfortable, which is sometimes not so helpful.   When I got my one and only speeding ticket I began to giggle uncontrollably.

I had a really nice lunch with Him today.   I enjoy his presence so much.   We were both silent, lost in thought for quite a while.   I love to be able to be quiet with someone without feeling uncomfortable.   I rarely feel uncomfortable, thank goodness!

5:05 pm
A few days ago, when we were getting all of our work back, I learned that I got my first B on a French composition.   This was disgustingly exciting for me.   Sometimes Matthew and I get in an e-mail dialog while we are both at work.   Our responses come so quickly that they are almost like a real-time discussion, and because of the nature of e-mail, we can be speaking on multiple topics at once.

I hate the pseudo-rules of society which state that women aren't supposed to enjoy sex.   We are supposed to be saying no while the men encourage us?   Who made up this silly notion?   I love sex and I have no problem saying that.   I believe that sex is a normal part of being a healthy adult.   I also believe that the emotional consequences of having a sexual relationship far out-weigh the physical benefits if one is not ready to handle such a relationship.   My real question is: what do people do in a relationship if they don't have sex for several years?   That's a lot of time to fill with other activities, though I do understand the virtues of an "everything but" existence.   I have never made it a month without crawling into bed with someone or telling them I didn't think we should continue dating (and it's usually the latter).   So many guys (as well as girls) have horrid hang-ups that I can't fathom trying to overcome.

5:51 pm
I'm off to a long evening of schoolwork -- the last for a while.   I will curl up on my couch with the heater turned on full-blast.   I see vegan hot chocolate in store for the evening.   This time tomorrow I will be doing a little dance.   I am excited to go home and I am thrilled to have survived another semester at Berkeley.

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Monday
15December97

3:58 pm
Big smile.   My film is finally finished (thanks to as much sweat from Matthew as from myself).   This morning -- yes, Monday morning at eight am -- I completed my French final.   It was . . . well . . . it's done.   No more French for me ever (unless I didn't pass; keep your fingers crossed).   In one hour I will be showing my film.   Then I have all day tomorrow to complete my take-home film history final, which is due at 4 o'clock on Wednesday.   The freedom will prevail, and I will travel with Him to Southern California.   I am finishing up with my errands and I will so pleased in three days, when I am relaxing at home.   When I go to Berkeley I say I am going home and when I go to LA I say I am going home.   Because my parents are divorced, I have never found it bizarre to call more than one place my home.   Now I have three!   As I walked in the computer center just now, I asked the person on shift how work was.   We chatted for a few, and as I turned to leave, he said congratulations.   Completely puzzled, I asked him: for what?   I got a promotion!   What an enjoyable way to find out.

4:14 pm
Ah, all sorts of lovely advice on keeping my head intact.   All I had to do was pull my first all-nighter of the semester before an eight o'clock final.   I got home at 4:45 am last night / this morning.   Though my final was at 8, two students didn't show up until after 9 and students began leaving rapidly starting at 10 (we had till 11).   I'm off to the bank.

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Sunday
14December97

11:51 pm
Ack!   Head about to explode.   Two finals tomorrow.   Somebody save me!   Matthew is my rescuing angel.   How do you repay someone who helps you out in a real time of need?

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Saturday
13December97

5:39 pm
Matthew is a prince beyond belief.   He is giving up his whole weekend to help me out of a jam with my school project (the equipment for which fell through).   He patiently answers my questions and explains everything I want to know to me.   His e-mail at work got mixed about and someone else in the office was receiving his messages; one that I sent got him into a bit of trouble.   I have been having avid e-mail conversations with two of my cousins on the east coast.   Last night I had dinner with my mom, her boyfriend, and my roommate.   We went for Japanese (both my mom's and my favorite cuisine).   When we sat down my mom asked if I minded if she got wine.   Howard (her boyfriend of eight years) declared that he was having sake and Cindy asked if anyone minded if she had a beer.   I asked if anyone cared if I got water.   Gee, it's swell to be twenty.   No matter how I get I still feel young because all of my friends are older than me.   I have always gotten along very well with people of different ages, for which I am very thankful.   Tonight I am again having dinner with my mum -- this time in the city.   I am counting the days until I go home.   Oh, I got invited to a wedding; how exciting!

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Friday
12December97

12:56 pm
I am about to trollop off to a review session for French.   I just had an interview for a promotion.   I asked my supervisor to disregard my mid-semester evaluation and he laughed.   I got yet another web page offer yesterday.   A brief hello to Ken Katz, who is apparently a fan of mine though I know him not.

3:51 pm
Walking around campus with a camera means a lot of people feel they have the right to interact with one.   The same goes when one is walking a dog.   The Jesus preachers found me (no disrespect, but they wouldn't leave me alone when I said I was Jewish) and several people offered to pose (looking very disappointed when I said that I had no people in my film).   The previous statement is incorrect; there is one person in my film.   He pretends to be not especially excited about this idea, but I think that secretly he is flattered.   I got a package in the mail today; a belated birthday gift from my aunt.   I love getting mail, and in the absence of finals, I am fairly decent about sending it.   I got a beautiful (what a dull word for what I want to say) card yesterday all covered with mermaids, and I am looking forward to affixing it to my bedroom wall.   I have been lax in writing my thank you cards, as well as in visiting the bank.   Errands are so satisfying to complete, but can become quite taxing when they begin to pile up.   On a completely different topic, I think that all cars should have names.   My Plymouth Voyager, which rides no more, was fondly called the Mighty MiniVan.   My friends have had: Duncan, Panelopie, The Truck (my mom's current child; it's an Explorer), The Couch-On-Wheels, and Jean-Luc the Car.   Back to the topic of b-day thank you's: I have a great aunt who has never sent me a birthday card in my life (actually, she may have once).   I believe my only interaction with her has been to receive a card when I graduated from highschool and I saw her last year.   I used to write to her often, but I never got responses.   This year she sent me a b-day card and a check, which really surprised me.   I wonder if it is because this is my first birthday since my grandmother died.

I really love a man that can cook.   I told my brother that he should learn to cook before he went to college because it will really impress girls (my brother is 16, if that helps clarify anything).   I am especially blown away when a guy makes me a whole vegan dinner.   Cooking me a vegan meal is a good way to make me swoon.   I also love cooking with someone -- chopping and chattering; it's a wonderful bonding experience (kitchen bondage, woo hoo!).   Is my mind wandering?

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Thursday
11December97

8:23 am
My last day of work at this job for the semester.   I was very stressed when I got home from work yesterday, but Cindy had left a message on the machine saying that I am awesome.   She is such a fantastic roommate.   I met her three days before school started this semester, and things have worked out perfectly.   I always need to remind myself that everything works out in the end when I start to freak out.   I had a true spaz yesterday because I began to feel like I wouldn't be able to get everything done.   I will be in Los Angeles this time next week and I need to remind myself that I can make it through one week.

I pretty much lost it last night and I feel guilty because I did it in front of him.   When I am starting a relationship with someone I try really hard not to call/see them when I am down because I know I will be using them to cheer me up.   After a time I feel less bad about doing this, especially if they do the same to me.   But since I don't know where I stand with him I am still unsure about asking him to take on any of my emotional baggage.

It is heavily windy here.   My brother believes that wind is the worst of all weather.   He says that if it is cold you can bundle up.   If it is hot you can take things off and take a swim or a cold shower.   If it is raining you can use an umbrella.   But there is nothing you can do to combat wind.   My brother and I always have such discussions together.   We will be sitting somewhere eating lunch and he will cock his head to one side and say, "Don't you think it is bizarre that people drive around in these machines for so many hours every day?" This will spawn an hour long discussion on the nature of cars in our society (especially LA).   I can't wait to go home and see him.

9:34 am
I just found The Bureau of Missing Socks -- "the first organization solely devoted to solving the question of what happens to missing single socks. It explores all aspects of the phenomena including the occult, conspiracy theories, and extra-terrestrials."

10:24 am
My co-worker has been reading a magazine for the past hour and a half.   For the first hour of work he didn't even log on to the computer (we are supposed to be logged on while on shift).   I've never been a big magazine fan.   I always found the gimmicks to get you too keep reading to be a bit too transparent.   Television commercials have a bit of the same effect, but I find it amusing to deconstruct them.   I guess I need to start looking at magazines for their graphic design (or lack thereof).

11:09 am
I have a space heater -- officially called a "HeatBlaster" -- named Holmes.   My brother got Holmes for me last December.   Every morning I sit in front of him and eat my cereal.   He is very good to me, except he heats up my silver necklace so that it burns my neck.   My brother knows me so very well.   I believe that the best present I ever got was an electric blanket.   When my parents first separated, my dad rented a house on the border of Santa Monica and Marvista, right by the Santa Monica Airport.   I got my own room with a queen-sized bed, which was ridiculous, because I was only eight years old.   I would get in this huge bed and I would lay shivering for hours.   So I began asking my dad to come get in bed with me so that his body heat would make it warm (I guess I'm just a bit to endothermic for that).   The problem was that my dad can fall asleep at the drop of the hat (and he often has in the middle of conversations with me).   So after about one minute in my bed he would be fast asleep.   He would immediately begin snoring, which would prevent me from falling asleep.   Then I would have to poke him to try to make him stop the awful noise, which only alleviated the problem for a fraction of a minute.   Those were the good old days.

11:47 am
I just learned that three anagrams for my name are: Nicely slender hair -- Really enriched sin -- Silly and nicer here.

One of the scanners was turned off and my co-worker said to me: you must have forgotten to turn it on when you opened this morning.   My jaw almost dropped.   He opened with me, and while I was cleaning the computers and filling the paper trays, he sat eating his breakfast.   I guess he could see my eyes bulging because he corrected himself and said: when we opened.   I just stared at him and said: nicely worded.   He knew what he said was wrong.

5:50 pm
My room is a pit of junk.   Everything has become so strewn about in the last few weeks.   Both of my parents are total packrats and they have imparted this lovely gift on me.   I try to make things simple; I try to reduce my belongings to books and plants (and cooking utensils, which I am forever fond of).   By My bookshelves overflow and the jungle proliferates -- nothing looks or feels simple or reduced.   I took a nice nap in the middle of this whirlwind today.   It was probably not the most productive thing to do, but I felt very drained from last night and I needed a respite.   Having lunch with Cory yesterday was along the same lines.   I was able to have a few hours where I didn't think about school constantly.   One more week!

6:15 pm
This morning was the first time he has left my bed unmade.   I knew he had to be upset or preoccupied (I figured it was both).   I decided that I would call him as soon as I got home from school today, despite the fact that he would be at work [I loathe the idea of disturbing him in the middle of him work day].   When I got home there was a message from him asking me to call.   So it seems that everything is worked out.   But I am still so edgy that I burst into tears at random moments.   Have I mentioned lately that I hate crying?

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Wednesday
10December97

8:23 am
Last night was the first in five that I haven't spent with him.   If I hadn't been so tired, I would have gone through major separation anxiety.   He told me I could come over, but I feel asleep at 10 under the pretenses of taking a nap and didn't wake up from said nap until 2:15 am.

9:18 am
I don't know how to date -- I mean not at all.   I find the whole idea of the things you are supposed to do and not supposed to do very elusive.   I told him that I didn't know how to date and he said that was readily apparent, but he didn't fault me for it.   How will I ever learn; most of my friends know more than I, but they certainly have not mastered any sort of technique.   I suppose the only solution I have is to have a man teach me while I am dating him, which would require an enormous amount of trust.   Perhaps I will never learn.

We had a discussion about opening car doors.   I don't consider this to be a romantic gesture, but he does.   I open the car door for everyone: my girlfriends, my mom, my brother.   I think it is an exceedingly polite thing to do (plus, you get to see if the other person is polite enough to unlock your door from the inside).   He puts it on par with buying flowers, but again, I love to buy flowers for people, so perhaps I shouldn't continue this discussion.   I used to buy flowers for guys all the time, until I dated one who made fun of me for it; then I was put off of the idea.   I love to buy flowers for my girlfriends, especially Cindy, because they really seem to cheer her up.   The reason I like buying flowers for guys is because most girls don't do it and so they are always so surprised, and until that one guy, they were always very pleased (he just got embarrassed).

I love roses, especially because you can dry them and keep them for a really long time. Silver roses are by far the best because they are a lovely shade of purple and they are the best smelling of the rose varieties which you can buy in a flower shop.   Of the garden varieties, the huge red Lincoln roses smell divine.   Stargazer and Casablanca Lilies are also beautiful and fragrant.   Orchids are the only flowers I cannot stand cut.   They last so very long on the plant (many months) that it seems ridiculous to snip them off.   I believe Phalenopsis Orchids to be the most beautiful flowers in the world; they are considered to be very womanly.   My favorites are the ones which are white with yellow and a hint of purple on the inside.   I love growing orchids; they are actually quite easy.   My mom grows orchid at home; I got her into them.   In remodeling, she built a window box in the kitchen, in front of the sink.   She has since filled it to the brim with orchids and herbs.   They thrive on the moisture and filtered sunlight.   They are truly phenomenal flowers.

As my co-worker sneezes next to me I have to think how happy I am that I so rarely get ill.   I think this is because I eat so well: lots of oranges and garlic.   I am a total garlic fiend.   I don't know why people are so freaked by garlic breath; I think garlic smells good.   My first boyfriend told me that I smelled of garlic so often that when he would smell garlic he would think of me.   I suppose that is an odd association, but I am an odd girl, so I guess it all works out in the end (hee hee).

10:48 am
In the bathroom just now I realized that I am wearing a striped shirt and plaid pants.   I am sure that I was overwhelming people with my startling good taste.   This combo will be all the rage next season.   The French composition which I am typing up is about the liquid nature of love.   Ah, my exciting life . . .

11:16 am
One of my co-workers just looked me straight in the face and said, "Rachel, you scare me."   I used to think that was fun, but now I stress about how people perceive me.   I want to delight not frighten.

3:47 pm
Back at work: three hours in the morning and three hours in the evening.   Basil and I have been e-mail about the lack of historical accuracy in the film of Anastasia.   I find this understandable only in that the story is a bit brutal for little kids (not that the film doesn't have it's share of violence) and nobody wants to see their hero revealed as an impostor at the end of a movie.   Basil has recommended My Name is Anastasia and Clicking Anastasia for learning historical information.   Both sites are beautifully constructed and they have fantastic photos.

4:01 pm
I remember when my mom first told me about Anastasia.   She said that when they tried to shoot Anastasia's family, the bullets would bounce off of the gowns because they had jewels sewn into them.

4:26 pm
When I was in Algebra in middle school I used to sit in class and individually cut each slit end out of my hair.   Yes, I was bored.   Then, in ninth grade, I had a pair of white Keds which I meticulously covered in thousands of black polka-dots.

4:46 pm
I just did a search for polka-dot.   The most interesting discoveries were a very ugly bathing suit from the 1890's and many references to polka-dot plants (more info), which are beautiful and which I often grow.

5:02 pm
I am amused when people I know come into the computer while I am working and they are so engrossed in whatever preoccupies them that they don't even notice me.   I only bring this up because it just happened.   I am sitting at the front desk, but she just walked on by.

5:22 pm
One of my friends e-mailed me and signed it, "your devoted but never used love slave."   His name is Adam and I have known him since I was in first grade.   His little sister Amber was my best friend in elementary school.   Amber and I used to be inseparable, and now we hardly talk.   Distance has taken its toll on our friendship.   But over the years Adam and I have grown closer.   We love to watch films together and go hiking in Topanga State Park.

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Tuesday
9December97

2:00 pm
I am swamped.   I have a final today, now.   I am so tired, and yet so happy.   The past five days have been a blur.   I must go.

2:25 pm
I must describe the absurdity of today.   I woke up this morning very early to put the finishing touches on my final project for my art class.   I got to the lab and discovered that the art server was offline -- not very promising.   I was going to e-mail my teacher, but my work server was down too (which will explain why you could not access this page this morning, if you tried).   I went home and started to freak out.   Then I realized that I had no good reason to spaz (as usual) and so I enjoyed an hour or so relaxing to some old school rap and hip-hop.   When I finally got my butt back to the computer lab, both servers were back.   Then I had a good opportunity to freak out; I assumed that since the server is back up our projects would still be due at two o'clock today.   So at two I went to the room, only to find a note which said that our projects aren't due until four.   So now I am back in the lab, and very amused.

5:42 pm
My teacher showed up 35 minutes late to the web presentations, but we are now well underway (and taking a short break).   I bought a burrito today -- a sorry excuse for one: rice, beans, and salsa in a tortilla.   I looked at my receipt and I was charged for one CHEAPO -- I guess they call them like they see them.   It cost me $2.15.

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Monday
8December97

Too much schoolwork today.

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Sunday
7December97

5:47 pm
Friday was crazy, as last days often are.   Testing for belts in Judo was in the evening, but I was too tired to go.   Instead I took a nap, and so I was raring to go when I went to see a film with Him.   We spent the next 44 hours together, seeing both Air Force One and Anastasia, and only now are we apart.   Of course I will be seeing him again at 9 tonight, as he has invited me to a party.   I love an excuse to get dressed up and I am very much looking forward to dancing!

6:26 pm
I think my favorite part of dating is when you finally spend an obscene amount of time with someone, but neither of you get sick of each other and you don't run out of things to talk about.   My darling friend Ben called me today and said that He is my plaything.   But Ben and I both knew that wasn't true; He and I enjoy each other too much for that kind of reduction at this point in time.   I am frustrated by the tendency in our society to define everything -- to compartmentalize and categorize.   I do not want to be reduced to a label (which thankfully people have a hard time doing) and I do not want my relationships to be so either.   I want to live without definition for a while, just to see if I can get away with it.   One of the few categories I love is my identity as a woman.   I love being female and I celebrate my gender daily.   Today I was delighted to find a listing of Phenomenal Women Of the Web.

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Saturday
6December97

Today is my birthday, and thus I am avoiding the computer center.

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Friday
5December97

1:03 pm
I am about to pass out from heat exhaustion.   Today's West African dance class was a killer workout; I have never sweat so much in a dance class.   My body is totally worked.   I have a French oral exam now and then I have my Modern Dance class.   When I wake up tomorrow I will be sore beyond comprehension.   I had a fantastic evening last night and I stayed up WAY past my bed time, which I am sure I will do again tonight (after all, it will be my b-day at midnight).   LAST DAY OF CLASSES!

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Thursday
4December97

9:53 am
The network is up and down.   People can print for five minutes and then they can't for ten.   Last week of school and people are REALLY frustrated.   I am supposed to turn in a French poem today, but what can I do?   My art teacher asked me to go to section today to make sure that people aren't flipping out.   Responsibility is popping up all over the place.

11:48 am
I just got my take home final for my other film class.   It's going to be tough, but in two weeks this will all be a faint memory.   I have Judo now; last class a girl dislocated her shoulder.   I am hoping to make it through the day with no injuries.   I pray that my knee is in good spirits.   I wrote a poem for French class today; my teacher will be amused.   Only two more French classes in my life!!!

9:04 pm
Well, I planned to sit down and write a whole bunch on this last Thursday of the semester, but my belly has just decided to fill with some extremely uncomfortable sharp pains.   And after I said such nice things about my body.   I know I have to live in it my whole life and I treat it really well.   We have conversations and I am very appreciative of all that it does for me.   It has put up with my obsession for grape juice very well.   Granted, I sometimes eat too many Tater Tots (with Lawry's Seasoned Salt and Mott's apple sauce) [for one of the most ridiculous sites on the web, you can try your hand at Ore-Ida's Tater Tots trivia].

9:37 pm
My tummy feels a bit better, so I won't have to walk home clutching my stomach in pain.   I just discovered the most wonderful HTML tag which loads images in a wonderful way.   Time to play!

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Wednesday
3December97

5:18 pm
So I finally let someone read my paper diary.   Tom asked to on the ride back to Berkeley after Thanksgiving.   It didn't bother me at all, but perhaps that is because he doesn't know me very well.   Today I am more than half-way through this never-ending week.   I am so looking forward to celebrating my bday on Friday.

I had an in-class final today, which I think I did rather well on.   I feel like my grades are horrid for this semester, just because I am getting B's instead of A's.

5:50 pm
I am really excited about my friend Sheyna's holiday party.   She is such a riot and I haven't gotten to spend any time with her this semester [pout].

7:22 pm
My final today seemed to go REALLY well, but I got back an essay that I thought was good and I got a not so dandy grade.   Perhaps my expectations are to high.   Perhaps I don't know how to write like I think I do.   Or perhaps I just didn't do what the teacher was looking for (which is stinky because I really like her and her class).   A lot of the time I sort of bend assignments outside the confines of what we are told to do.   Usually teachers love that; they are happy to have a fresh topic to read about.   But sometimes this technique backfires.   This has just been a semester of backfires I suppose.

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Tuesday
2December97

8:56 am
I got off work for both Saturday and Sunday.   I am considering this to be my birthday present to myself.   My buddy Rich is having a party in the city on Friday and I am debating whether or not I want to go.   I missed his last party, so I feel a bit obliged.   I suppose it will depend on what my birthday present wants to do.   I told him I wanted a surprise and I think that freaked him out.   When people ask me what I want for my birthday, I usually tell them I want to be surprised.   I get kind of irked when I get one present for my birthday and for X-mas/Hanukkah.   My mom is Catholic and my dad is Jewish, so I get X-mas presents from one side of my family and Hanukkah presents from the other side.

I had a rather bizarre dream last night about dancers (dancing in a converted bathroom) and spelling errors.   This is the last week of classes and I am overjoyed.   In some ways work [as opposed to school] is nice because you don't have the stress of finals several times a year, but you also don't get the relief of finals being over.   I love to go home and know that I have nothing to do for a month (besides fix my mom's computer, clean out both my rooms, write the great American novel, and spend as much time as possible with my brother.

9:16 am
I love walking arm in arm with a man at night, especially across campus.   I love chattering to the darkness and giggling at the moonlight.   I love how warm another person can make me.

9:21 am
I just found a beautiful site (very graphics-intensive!).

1:34 pm
Ah, my last Tuesday of this semester.   My last super-killer day.   Well, this week will be difficult, but then classes will be over (they end on my birthday).

If I think too often that none of this will matter in ten years I tangle myself in a web.   In ten years I will again be able to say that none of this will matter in another decade (twenty years from now).   Thus, things only matter in the now.   If one chooses not to live in the now, then one can pretty much disregard everything.

9:46 pm
I just saw a wonderful film about Marcuse called Herbert's Hippopotamus.   I had never heard of him and this history lesson was entertaining as well as highly educational.   People were ripping the poor filmmaker to shreds at the Q&A afterward.   I hate when people whine about what they expected a film to be about.   If they didn't have ludicrous expectations they wouldn't be disappointed.   One of the guys in the film went on this tirade about health.   He said that California likes health and he hates it.   We (the audience) laughed, but then he said he hates it because he grew up in Nazi Germany.   This put such a spin on things for me.   I was trying to imagine all of the things that one would view differently due to having lived through that period.

I used to think that if one were to be judged, it should be solely on how one relates to others.   This idea sort of diminishes the interior.   I thought that if you sat around all day and thought that you were a bad person and hated life this was no different that if you thought you were fantastic and had roses growing out of your fingertips, as long as it didn't effect how you treated others [I must master the difference between effect and affect].   I have always acknowledged that this distinction may be impossible; can you think negative thoughts and not have it effect how you relate to others?   Regardless, I am beginning to question this idea, though for the most part I think it still stands.

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Monday
1December97

8:54 am
Ah.   School.   Work.   Three more weeks in this semester!   I love school, but this semester has been whipping my tail.   I'm not sure how I feel about Thanksgiving.   I really didn't need all of the criticism, not at this point in my life.   Actually, seeing him on Saturday made it all worth it.   We had a blast!   We saw The Little Mermaid (IMDb site) and Alien: Resurrection (IMDb site).   [One thing I love about the Internet Movie Database is that every time I visit they report a different amount of films in the database.   Sometimes it is 160,000 and sometimes it is 170,000 but today it is 120,000.   Where did the 40,000 go?]   My first image in my diary.   What a lovely way to start December.   At first I was going to be an all-text kind of a girl; then I decided that I might as well take advantage of the web.   I always stick things in my paper diary in full scrapbook fashion -- so why not my e-diary?

The Little Mermaid is really popular.   There is a The Little Mermaid Web Ring.   Disney must be proud.   It is a fantastic film.   It started the formula that has been used to make every animated Disney film since.   I wonder if all of the new computer-generated animations which are coming out will begin to compete with Disney.   The new Pixar film looks fantastic, but that may be because of my predilection for bugs.

Utterly bizarre.   Some girl just called and started telling me how she scratched the lens of her eye.   I told her that she had called a computer center and I gave her the number of the Medical center.   Well, that put some spice in my morning.

9:34 am
There is a Dutch class in the computer lab now.   The teacher was trying to show her class Dutch poetry, but she came across some dirty poems on the web.   Now the whole class is giggling and the teacher doesn't know what to do.   Very amusing.

10:23 am
I had a really magnificent evening last night.   I decided to stay on vacation for a few more hours, so I took Matthew out to dinner rather than slaving away over my school books.   I purchased a new CD and then I got to chill with Matthew.   At the frat house we ran into Ben.   I watched with utter amusement and rapture as they had a conversation.   I love the way boys communicate; it is so different than how I talk with my girlfriends.   They were discussing the virtues of different sound systems (who's cost more, which was bigger).   They totally cracked me up!   I get really happy being with my friends.   But having more than one in the same room always makes me overflow with joy.   I consider myself highly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.   I surround myself with people I love.