_________________
Thursday
30April98

11:48 pm
Today we had the "opening" for the new art dept site.   It went well, but the whole experience exhausted me.   I spent three hours straight in the morning do last minute fixes.   That was tiring in and of itself.   But then to be on my feet schmoozing for so many hours made me delirious.   After the party, He and I went to the city to go to a high-end 3D and video effects user group.   That was three hours of sitting and I could not concentrate worth spit.   I was again not hungry for dinner (this is starting to worry me) and I came home and got in bed immediately -- only to toss and turn for fourty-five minutes.

I hate being grumpy and not being able to fix it.   I got my new video card in the mail and I did not even have the energy to install it today.   I felt like I was a burden to Him, though he was a total peach and even came to the party for an hour and a half just to be my moral support.

_________________
Wednesday
29April98

10:09 am
I am not hungry for anything lately.   My roommate isn't either, and we agreed that it must be because of the weather.   I excited to have completed the new art dept site and I am impressed with the way it looks.   It is really nice to feel that a project has payed off.   I do feel a bit under appreciated, but having the site URL on my resume is a good start for me.   People always say there are some things that aren't worth money, which I do believe with, but it seems that putting up with the artistic temperament can often pay off in the long run.

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Tuesday
28April98

10:57 am
I am in art class now.   We are discussing the idea of collective intelligence.   An article by Pierre Lévy has brought to our discussion the idea of "many to many communication".   The prof has just asked us to write how we think collective intelligence will impact art in the future.   The most profound impact will be a rethinking of the notion of artist.   The concept of artist must be expanded to include plurality, and the idea of art must be shifted from the rigid form to work which can be continually updated / shaped / molded and which can change dynamically according to the user(s).   Interactive fiction already allows for a collective authorship.   I hope that the new art forms will not follow in the footsteps of the film industry, where hundreds of people can work on a film but the director is considered the author.   Viewing art has always been a communal activity, but now it will be interactive.   I look forward to a time when web art will be experienced in a group.

Additionally, I think that interactive art empowers the public to be more involved in the realm of artmaking (which is normally reserved for the elite) and allows artists the ability to have a piece which extends beyond their capabilities and / or studies the nature of humanity.   Key concepts are:

• Will cyber culture replace TV culture?
• the notion of art without a signature -- and what to do when the artist is lost
• computers [and hence the web] allow for new artmaking tools, but the technology is also limiting
• What is true or real? Are these terms just labels? One can name anything (art).
• Is a Photoshop filter an artwork? One is executing an algorithm, as in Jenny Holzer's Truisms.

5:17 pm
We have just watched half of a more than three hour documentary on China in class.   I will be spending the largest chunks of today in meetings trying to wrap up the art site.

9:24 pm
I am trapped in Kroeber.   I arrived for the final meeting about the art dept site at seven.   Everyone else has been here since five (I had class).   And we are still here...

I want to go home.   I want to eat.   I want to give kisses to my man.   I will not last much longer here.

_________________
Monday
27April98

10:46 am
I just printed my Moon Project for my Astrology class and I am excited to hear the guest lecturer today.   I feel as though many huge projects are wrapping up and I am thankful for the down time.   My shoulders hurt every evening because I spend too much time typing during the day.   I have to figure out some way to make this better.

5:39 pm
The Astro guest lecturer discussed the possability of planets elsewhere in the galaxy.   I assume this is because I grew up on Star Trek, but I always thought there were planets elsewhere.   It never dawned on me that we had to prove such a phenomenon.   Regardless, some astronomers have discovered planets around other stars by observing the wobble of such stars.   This wobble occurs because the planets exert a gravitational force on the star.   The wobble is detectable by observing the dobbler shift on such stars, but the astronomers hope to be able to detect the wobble through direct observation.   I found the lecture to be highly engaging.

_________________
Sunday
26April98

1:37 pm
I have just been reading up on the digital camera I intend to buy.   Matthew has helped me to do research and I feel secure in my purchases.   He has been such a sweetheart to me.   I cannot describe my growing excitement about making my first feature length film.   I think this will be an unbelievably wonderful learning experience.   I know I will make a lot of mistakes, but making them now will prevent me from making them in the future.   I want to join a film and an audio foundation so that I can take some producition classes and have access to resources.   Also, I hope to be able to meet more people who will be willing to answer questions and help me out.

_________________
Saturday
25April98

5:52 pm
Let me detail my day.   Stay in bed with Him until noon.   Go to breakfast until one.   Take a nap until five.   When I did wake up at five, my first thought was that I had wasted the entire day.   But I suppose that I needed the break.   I have been pushing myself too hard and that is why I have not been getting better.   At this point I am down to a hacking cough and some sniffles -- which is not too bad.   I have been e-mailing about the art site like mad.   I love that the site will be online and shining by the end of the week and that all of my job duties from that point on will be tweaking and minor updates.   The semester really feels like it is coming to a close.   Tonight I am going stargazing with Him at the Lawrence Hall of Science.   Then I will be striking a dance concert, to round out my Stagecraft hours (only 8 left out of 60).

_________________
Friday
24April98

7:36 pm
I am so excited about my computer components.   I am really pleased with the thourough research He did for me on all of my computer parts.   When comparing prices, he always remarks on how some companies charge twice as much for the same piece of software or hardware.   He does not understand that some people do not shop around; they opt for convenience.   Also, he knows all of the right questions to ask, which I certainly don't, so he saves a lot of time on superfluous purchases.   It is only by keeping track of the information on a daily basis that he can stay on top of the rapidly changing news.   Only by reading the daily and weekly web pages can one keep track of which PCI cards want to be in which slots on which machines.

_________________
Thursday
23April98

9:59 pm
Today I spent more than I did on my computer to buy fixin's.   I got some additional drives to make and array so that I can edit on my computer.   This set-up is very exciting for me.   I feel very empowered in terms of film.   I can make something very high quality with tools that I now posess.   The film industry is going to have to watch out for me.   Film has always seemed to be an art of the elite, so this feeling of having control is wonderfully fresh.   I intend to make many shorts during the next school year on a variety of topics.   He hates the idea of me filming him, and that is something the two of us must work on.   It is important to me as a filmmaker to be able to document him in my medium of choice.   If I were a painter, I would want him to sit for me.   I am trying to respect the fact that is is extremely self-conscious and I am sure we will make some sort of compromise that will make both of us happy -- at least part of the time.

_________________
Wednesday
22April98

10:46 pm
Today I bought a Macintosh.   My dad got my PC for me, so this is the first computer I actually went out and purchased.   It is a top of the line Power Tower, and I got a great deal because the company is out of business. I took off work this morning because I felt so lousey, but purchasing a computer helped me to feel better.   I am spending the evening playing -- installing operating systems, installing software, and customizing.   My favorite part about computers is sitting down at a new one and configuring everything just the way I want it.   I didn't get a monitor, so I have to run the mac or pc one at a time (or I could jump back and forth between them by continuously changing the monitor cord between the two).   I am tired of being sick and I hope to kick this bug soon.   The sun is finally out in all of its glory and I am too ill to enjoy it.   At least my plants are singing its praise.

In terms of buying a computer, I have never spent that much money at once in my life.   I had to get my limit increased on my credit card in order to make the purchase, and they increased my limit four fold, so I could make some obscene expenditures if I felt the need.

_________________
Tuesday
21April98

11:54 am
I am still a stuffy, sniffely lady.   Last night I did more room work and I typed up a production schedule, equipment list, and crew list for my film.   I am so excited!   I even did more work on my script (although I still don't have an ending!).   Amongst all this productivity, I forgot to eat dinner [do not do this when you are sick] and woke up in the middle of the night dizzy from not eating.   I had an apple and headed back to sleep, but I woke up feeling faint.   I popped out of bed and ate and now I am doing a bit better.   I need to remember not to push myself -- that is how this whole thing started.

12:25 pm
I am feeling really ill, so I am going to head home.   At least I got some work done before I had to take off.   My professor was really kind to let me skip TA-ing today.

6:54 pm
To illustrate my lack of intelligence, I went to class this afternoon.   It is a four hour, once a week class, and I just did not think I should miss it.   My teacher said I was very valiant for going.   Now I feel totally trashed and I cannot wait to crawl home.   I only came to the computer center to drop off my timesheet.

_________________
Monday
20April98

10:13 pm
I stayed home from two of my classes today, and in doing so realized that this was the first day I missed classes this semester.   I told one of my friends and she said I should be put in a museum.   I have never pretended to not be a total nerd, so today's realization was not as devastating as it could have been.   The worst part of my illness -- the pain when I swallow -- has subsided, but it has been replaced by a heavy stuffiness which I am convinced is indicative of a sinus infection.   I am refusing to take antibiotics, so I am not even going to bother getting diagnosed.   I have had so many sinus infections that I don't get phased by yet another.   They go away in ten days regardless of the medicine consumed.

I am typing this on my computer at home.   I have always found the most amusing aspect of my involvement with computers to be the fact that I cannot type.   But now that I once again have a personal computer, I am determined to teach myself.   I am actually quite fast with my method (which employs three fingers on each hand) but am beginning to despise the fact that it requires me to look at the keyboard.   Fourtunately, my time looking at the keyboard has familiarized me with thte locations of the letters, so typing shouldn't be too hard to pick up.

_________________
Sunday
19April98

11:56 am
I am about to enjoy a class of Advanced UNIX, as part of staff training.   We got a lot accomplished yesterday.   I did three loads of laundry (though I forgot to do my towels).   I made it to OSH and only bought two plants (though the woman rang them up wrong and overcharged me).   I made it to the staff picnic for nearly two hours before I felt bad about neglecting my baby on our anniversary and headed home.

2:56 pm
Unfortunately, I could feel myself getting sick yesterday.   I haven't been taking care of myself, especially in the sleep department.   I feel just terrible today -- and I never get sick, so I am not prepared for this.   It hurts when I swallow.   I was going to have a little dinner party tonight, but now I am going to stay home and my man offered to make me some soup (vegan, of course).   I cannot decide between vegetable, minestrone, or potato-leek soup.

_________________
Saturday
18April98
My Six Month Anniversary With Him

8:55 am
I was exhausted yesterday, but after Des left I stayed up until one cleaning my room.   This morning I proceeded to wake up at 6:30 am and I know I am going to crash in the middle of the day.   I have all sorts of plans today.   I want to go to the nursery and look at the plants.   I am hoping to entice Him into going to the laundry-mat with me since I have about five loads to do.   Now that I have rearranged everything, I want it all to be clean.   I guess spring cleaning has hit me hard.   I have been rearranging the content of my walls - which mostly consists of postcards.   I have purchased a few new decorations, but mostly I have streamlined.   Hopeful I can get out the hammer today and move a few things from the floor to the walls.   I also want to go to the hardware store, but will probably want to purchase plants there, whiich could be dangerous.

_________________
Friday
17April98

9:39 am
I am in need of a restful Friday.   When I went over to His place last night (my roommate had a man of her own over) I brought my book to do my homework but I forgot the sheet of questions so I had to wake up at seven to come home and do my homework.   Now I am a drowsy girlie.   Tomorrow we are having a staff picnic and the weather is supposed to be beautiful.   Perhaps I will even get some sun, so that I won't feel so plucked-chicken white when I lay with my lovely brown man.

10:46 am
I try to be patient with people who have trouble on computers, but I get really frustrated when someone utterly disregards what I am saying because they know it won't work -- even though I am right.   So I have to continually say the same thing -- even to my co-workers -- until they actually listen to my advice and realize that it works.   I am sure I am guily of the same thing at times.   I will work on it for the future.

_________________
Thursday
16April98

12:26 pm
Adam gave me some fantastic grad school advice and I have decided to not think about post-college for another few months.   Yesterday I opened some beautiful gifts from Basil.   She has the most exquisite sense of presentation -- as I told her.   I must learn the art of simplicity.   At her request, I sent a detailed description of my opening ritual.   It reminded me of my birthday my first year here.   I received a package from my mom containing all sorts of marvels -- each individually wrapped.   I laid them all out and left them sitting in my room all day.   When I returned home I called my mom and opened them on the phone with her.   She enjoyed it more than I could have imagined.   She directed me as to the order in which to open them and then she gave me little tidbits about their origins or her intentions for me uses of them.   I have spent the morning working on the art dept website which will be up at the end of the month.   It is turning out to be quite lovely and I think it will be a serious showpiece.   Things are swell with my man.   I asked to have dinner with him on Saturday because it's our six month anniversary.   He hugged me and said he loved me more for telling him.   I was a bit surprised and asked why.   He said it makes me different.   What was I supposed to do: see if he remembers so I can make him feel bad if he forgets?   I told him that I am interested in making him happy, not miserable.   And I am the one with the obsession with dates.   Regardless, it should be fun...

_________________
Wednesday
15April98

9:24 am
Time is whizzing by.   I have always wondered why we, as humans, never figure out how long time is.   We always say that a year flew by, but you would think after a few decades on the planet we would know how long a year is and say, "Wow, that year felt just like a year." Classes will be over in a month, and in a week I will be celebrating my six month anniversary with Him.   My future is sprawling out before me.   I have decided not to graduate a semester early.   Matthew is discouraging me from going to grad school once I graduate.   He says I should work for a few years first.   My mother wants me to go right away.   Matthew hates school and my mother is a professor.   May I get some impartial advice please?   Matthew also says I shouldn't move.   That would save me a huge hassle and I know I cannot find anywhere as cheap as my place.   Plus, I just rearranged my room.   But I have been there for two years and would love to be on the other side of campus -- where there are gardens and no street punks.   I am tired of living on Telegraph!   I get along with Cindy really well, but I would rather live by myself.   I will probably succumb to laziness and just stay put.

9:48 am
I never get involved with current news, and I decided that was a bit silly.   I never read the newspaper, watch the news, or even listen to it on the radio.   Today I visited The Gate for the first time, which has two of the Bay Area's largest paper's online for free.   I was immediately drawn to the technology section and I came across a story about new media art collecting.   Since I am interested in new art, I was interested in the current opinion.   I snagged this quote:

... said Jon Winet, artist in residence at Xerox Parc as well as visiting artist at the Center for Digital Media at the San Francisco Art Institute and the Art Department at UC Davis, "If you buy a website, what is it you're acquiring? A renowned artist sold a video a few years back for $40,000. The collector got a cassette. One could say the only place you can see it now is through the collector. But it's hard to know in 10 years what problems they'll have -- they might not be able to watch it. NASA can't read a lot of the data it collected in 1969 -- it was all on punch cards. There are real issues that get in the way of collecting this kind of art."

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Tuesday
14April98

1:23 pm
Things are whizzing by in terms of progress on the Art Department web site.   I got my PC up and running and now I am itching to buy a Mac.   Today in my art class we had to define virtual community.

_________________
Monday
13April98

9:18 am
I went to get my pill prescription refilled this morning and the pharmacist gave me the wrong kind so I had to go back and get the right kind.   I was then able to quickly schedule an appointment, and now I am here in the computer center typing up my notes for my oral presentation in film noir today.   Wish me luck!

2:47 pm
I just gave my oral presentation and I was absolutely terrified.   Let me admit to being a total boob: I went to class at one and forgot the movies for my presentation (but remembered the notes).   So I had to leave class early to go home and get my materials.   My presentation went well; it was really long.   It is scary to be in front of fifty people for a half hour.   My mom is a professor and I will have to call her tonight and give her props.   My man is taking a midterm now and we will both have reason to celebrate and relax tonight.

4:28 pm
A calm is beginning to settle and I am ready to cuddle with my man tonight (amongst other things).   I am now heading home to get some grub.   I am really feeling good about my newly rearranged room.

8:14 pm
My web meeting was very brief so I was able to get a good chunk of work done for the art site.   We are having an "opening" in a few weeks and then I won't be working so frantically anymore.   I can almost taste the stress relief.

_________________
Sunday
12April98
Easter

4:08 pm
I had a ton of work related things to do so I did not even get to my diary during my three hour shift.   My mom would probably not be happy to find me working on Easter, but what can I do?   I am hungry, but I hope to go grab an extension cord before I eat.   I am deep into my book on structuralism and post-structuralism and I will probably spend a good portion of the summer reading up on the two subjects.

_________________
Saturday
11April98

10:13 pm
I woke up at Catherine's.   We had watched G.I. Jane (1997) the night before so we started today off with The Full Monty (1997).   He picked me up at her place and I took him to brunch.   Then I enjoyed the rest of the day with Him at my place.   I rearranged my bedroom all afternoon. I moved my bed and then rearranged all of my plants so they could get an optimum amount of sunlight.   This occurrence gave me an excuse to go through all of my junk and clean things up quite a bit.   I feel really good about my room and I cannot decide whether or not to move.   Aurora says to be selfish and go but Matthew says to stay.   Cindy really wants me to stay, and I might out of sheer laziness.   I save myself a huge hassle by not moving.   Now I am at his place and we have rented The Devil's Advocate (1997) on DVD.

_________________
Friday
10April98
Passover
Good Friday

9:33 am
I was able to get my homework done this morning, enjoy two bowls of cereal with my man, and make it to work only five minutes late.   Kelloggs has a new cereal called Cocoa Frosted Flakes which is a wonderful rip off of Cocoa Puffs.   My co-worker is in a bad mood, so I am trying to be as helpful as possible.   Cindy told me I can't move out at the end of the semester -- she likes living with me.   I am flattered, but I am also ready for a change.   I have been in my apartment for two years, and now I want to be on the other side of campus, living by myself.   Of course, I have a feeling he will be over all the time.   And I am not complaining about that.   I truly enjoy having him in my life.

2:39 pm
My co-worker called today Freaky Friday.   We had so many broken computers this morning -- it was incredible. My first meeting today was very short, so I was able to go to the bank, get my enrollment codes for next semester, pick up a notebook, and get some more work done.   At three I have another work meeting.   Then I will be stringing lights in the theater from four to six.   After that, I am having dinner with Catherine.   My sweety is having a bad day and I must find time to give him a hug.

_________________
Thursday
9April98

6:06 pm
My professor asked me to dedicate today's lab session to fixing errors in the site we are working on, so I got to do clean-up work for four hours.   I got so involved in getting the navigation to work that I even forgot to write here. I am now on my way to "An Evening with Industry" so I can schmooze with the Hollywood types.   I wasn't very enthusiastic about going, until He said he wanted to join me.

It seems foreign to forget to write here.   This has become a part of my daily routine.   I am sure that any daily activity would become an impactful activity -- but I also think that the nature of documenting one's life make something like this diary an important venture.

_________________
Wednesday
8April98

9:54 am
I stayed up too late two nights in a row and I woke up feeling like I had been in a car accident.   I am managing to get through work by thinking about how cute He looked this morning.   I am getting very excited about this summer.   I am also very optimistic about next semester.   The classes I am looking at seem great and I think I am going to have a blast.

_________________
Tuesday
7April98

12:12 am
At long last I intend to make my way home.   I will be spending less time with Him this week -- simply due to our schedules -- and perhaps that will be good for the both of us.   We are doing well for now.   I am spending the night an my friend Catherine's on Friday, after she cooks me a vegan meal.   It should be interesting, if nothing else.

1:14 pm
We had to define cyberspace in my art class today.   The ensuing discussions were quite interesting.   I defined cyberspace as the representation of digital information.   Cyberspace is the virtual place where such information exists.   It physically exists only as a representation for the user (on the computer screen and goggles, in the speakers and headphones).   One of my classmates said that "in a movie, play, etc., you identify with someone; in cyberspace, you are."   One girl described cyberspace as touching her mind.   We discussed interactivity and the difference between cyberspace, film, theater, networked computer games, role playing, and board games.   We looked at various online art pieces, including truth is a moving target, Keyword, Scyphiform::Confluence:Glutinate, Search Voyeur, and The Mad Hand of Esmé in relation to an essay by Marcos Novak and "What is digital studies?" by Alex Galloway.

_________________
Monday
6April98

12:20 pm
I am waiting for a staff meeting to start.   Yesterday I had a bizarre experience involving a squirrel.   I was picking up the key for work and I saw a squirrel in front of a tree holding a large plastic pink egg.   I walked right up to him and put my show within four inches of him before he dropped it.   He was really mad that I took it from him.   I could see him sizing me up.   The egg had all sorts of gnaw marks on it.   Inside were three chocolates and a little piece of paper containing a question about Jesus.   Quite surreal.

2:32 pm
We are discussing B movies in film noir.   I took a class on revenge (Revenge in Law, Literature, and Cinema) which focused on B movies as a way to reveal the subversive side of society.

4:14 pm
I was supposed to have two oral presentations this week -- one tomorrow and one the day after.   Thankfully, my one for Wednesday got postponed to next Monday, so I can focus on one at a time.

11:58 pm
Judging by the time, I have been working too long.   But somehow, tonight, the lateness has not hit me.   I am well prepared for my oral presentation tomorrow and I got all of my web work done for the week.   Things are moving at a good pace for me.

_________________
Sunday
5April98

1:27 pm
As today is Daylight Saving's, the alarm for the building where I work went off according to its timer.   For a half hour, a high pitched whine has been sounding here.

I was really blown away by Rita Hayworth's performance in Gilda.   She was spectacular in her role.   The movie made her a star, but haunted her for years: "Men go to bed with Gilda, but wake up with me."

I found an article which traces the origin of the Hollywood Sex Goddess Image to Gilda.   The article contends that Rita Hayworth was possibly the most popular WWII pinup and that her character is the ultimate vixen/temptress that all men dream of.   First of all, I do not think it is fair to lump the entire realm of male fantasy into one generalization -- though I do believe that Gilda was intended to be a highly desirable female in the film.

We watched a small clip of Gilda in my film noir class as an illustration of the codification of gay men in Hollywood cinema.   The brief segment was so alluring to me that I rented the film two days later.

3:43 pm
I think I tracked down the car that side-swiped Matthew's.   It said '88 Delia on the side of it, but I do not think Delia is a car brand.   I could not find any images of a Delia on the web.   I suppose further investigation is called for -- and I will surely get to it one of these days.

_________________
Saturday
4April98

10:56 pm
We spent the entire day here at his place loafing. Last night we watched New Jack City (1991) and today we watched Gilda (1946) [location of the movie poster], Flatliners (1990), 3 minutes of Jumanji (1995), a half hour of Jingle All the Way (1996), half of Chain Reaction (1996), and most of Romeo + Juliet (1996).   I know that sounds sick, but it was really lovely to have the mental break.   I took Him to see Merce Cunningham tonight, which was a really intriguing show.  I am not sure how I felt about all of the avant-garde music (John Cage to boot) but the dancing was beautiful.   I love that He doesn't mind when I drag Him to such cultural events.   We had a discussion on the nature of race during intermission and he quickly ended it by saying, "I don't want to get into a fight with you."   That comment made me a bit sad.   I know that I am very opinionated, but I do not feel that I instantly project some intention to get into a fight.   I suppose this is something I must work on.   I would like to come across as more pleasant.

My sticky situation of the day occurred when I saw one of His roommates walk out of the bathroom naked as a jaybird (as my mom always says).   I felt bad for the sheer fact that he was embarrassed and I did not know how to remedy the situation.   I apologized and walked away, but I feel unpleasant knowing that I made someone uncomfortable in his own home.
 
 

_________________
Friday
3April98

9:17 am
My mom e-mailed me letting me know that Gus Van Sant has been hired to remake Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo (1958).   She was kind enough to make the subject of the e-mail "sacrelidge" and this will be one of those movies I know I will despise.   How could anyone think they could top the master?   This situation reminds me of the 1997 remake of Lolita (1962).   Did anybody actually see that?   The tagline for the original was: "How did they ever make a movie of Lolita?"   I think the sequel should have read: "How did they ever make a remake of Lolita?"

1:47 pm
Today was a work, school, more work day.   I am heading off to another job in just a few minutes.   I am hoping to see a movie with my man tonight.   I have been reading about structuralism and reviewing my thoughts on the nature of language, which coincide with those of Suassure.   I am hoping to write a rift about this in relation to film noir.   I cannot wait to learn about post-structuralism.   I know I should be doing my homework but I cannot help reading for pleasure.

3:19 pm
I am at work and just made plans to see him.   I wonder if I would enjoy doing this web work for a living on a more permanent basis.   There is something about living in front of a computer which really doesn't appeal to me, but I am able to create in this new medium which is so young.   I really like web art because it makes use of the new medium in a creative way.

5:24 pm
I am with Him in the computer center and his blood is boiling with frustration at a malfunctioning java code.   I really don't need that kind of stress, so I am hanging out in the other room and biding my time till he calms down.   He believes that there is a <TC> command in tables and I am going to try to convince him there is not by sending him to this page on tables.

_________________
Thursday
2April98

9:22 am
We never did get ahold of each other last night, and that was a little disappointing.   I wanted to ask how His midterm was if nothing else.   The whole situation seems so unresolved, and it would take but a minute for us each to say that we want to drop whatever happened and move on.   I am trying to get a movie set up so I can show the class how to use RealVideo, but I am having trouble finding the right translator.   Time to explore.

12:22 pm
He sent me e-mail offering to have lunch with me, but I didn't get the message in time.   Of course, I am teaching now, so I would not be able to go anyway, but I would have preferred to have sent a message while he was in the office.   I wish I could talk to him.   I love the way we are in constant contact.   I am kind of irked that he never pays any attention to my schedule (I even printed a copy for him).

_________________
Wednesday
1April98
April Fool's Day

9:47 am
I feel that I too often dwell on the negative with respects to Him.   I am always quick to document any tiffs we have -- for it is easier to focus on what does not work over what does.   How do I account for the dozens of consecutive days when we snuggle and whisper sweet things to each other in bliss.   Last night we had our first real fight.   It wasn't an irrational screaming match, but we both felt hurt, and things didn't get resolved.   This morning we dressed in silence and he flipped on cartoons to fill the room with something besides our tension.   But after all that, I don't feel bad about it.   I know we can work things out.   I knew I shouldn't have gone over there last night and I think a few days off will do us both good.

7:03 pm
The doorbell rang twice today and I bounded down the stair hoping it would be him.   It wasn't and I had to contain my disappointment.   But I just got e-mail from him saying he wanted to make up, so I am feeling pretty good.   I purposely avoided going home so that I wouldn't have to deal with him, but I think 11 hours has been enough space for both of us.