Rachel's Daily
Diary Begin at the Bottom
_________________
Sunday 31May98
5:48 pm
I am enjoying a lazy Sunday at home. I was supposed to go to the
gym but I could not locate the energy. I feel like a slob because
all I do is eat and watch movies on TV. I went outside to read in
the backyard with my dog, but the sun was giving me a heat rash after
only fifteen minutes, my dog kept barking, and the flies were out for
dinner. I do not understand the sun worshipers. I am reading
a book called Virtualities which is quite interesting, but a bit
too focused on Television for my interests. I, of course, prefer
film criticism.
My man took off to Hawaii for two days. A friend of his had an
extra ticket that needed to get used to maintain the group rate. I
am supposed to pick him up at the airport Tuesday morning. My mom
has been teasing me about how I will survive for a day without him.
It is true, we spend every single day together. We both like it
like that.
11:33 pm
I am going to force myself to stay up late so that I will wake up late in
the morning and end this habit of rising at seven. I feel slightly
bad because I turned down an offer to go out tonight on the pretense that
I would be too tired, which is true since a 10:30 movie would mean I
would not get home until one. The invite came from a friend who has
the tendency to put me down for not being social enough. Needless
to say I have not been seeing him very often this semester. In
addition, the entourage which was to attend the movie consisted of a
frighteningly large number of my highschool classmates. The thought
gives me shivers.
_________________
Saturday 30May98
8:06 pm
Today I began uploading the past week's entries after being offline for
quite some time. I have being configuring my mother's computer
like mad (the old Centris 650). I bought her a new modem (she's now
at 33.6 rather than 14.4) and increased her RAM from 8 to 72. Now
she can run a browser. Opening her computer was frightening.
I have never seen anything so dirty. Her floppy drive is
dead so I have to set about to locate a new one. I have been
visiting Fry's Electronics on a regular basis.
My mother took me to a soy cooking class today. This
experience was good for me since I am a vegan who loathes tofu. I decided it was not so bad after all.
My mum and I had a blast poking fun at the instructor. She
was quite knowledgeable, but she was very scolding to her students and she
had some extreme views on food (not that I don't...). She said that
eating too many soy foods would kill one's sex drive; she knew because she
had tried it. My mom kept giggling at the instructor's fixation
with the sexual organs. The parts of her philosophy which I did not
agree with included the idea that you should only eat foods that are
native to where you live. She said not to eat pineapple because
pineapple does not grow in California. She said that it is
unhealthy to eat Italian one night and Chinese the next. I strongly
disagree. I think that it is healthy to eat the best of different
foreign cuisines. And if one lives in Wisconsin (as my mother
commented later) is one supposed to change one's diet to strictly meat and
potatoes? That would be absurd. She was a macrobiotic.
I have read about the macrobiotic diet, and do not especially like
it. It calls for eating a high level of grains. They work
fish and eggs into the diet, which I, of course, do not eat. And
the macrobiotic diet operates according to the seasons. You eat
things at one time of the year and no others. But I have apricot
trees here and they give fruit (hundreds upon hundreds of apricots) for
only two weeks out of the year. I do not believe it is healthy for
me to load up on apricots for only two weeks. If I can buy them
from somewhere else the rest of the year, this is a more balanced way to
eat.
The instructor also said that eating partial foods (such as just egg
whites) makes one a "partial person". My mom and I have
been chuckling over that. And I was surprised that her recipes were
fashioned as imitation meat dishes. My feeling on being a vegan is: why bother with the fake foods? I
hate the trend of tofu dogs and burgers and soy cheese. I confess
to having fake (soy) milk, but I love my cereal in the morning. But
what we made included mock chicken salad, tofu burgers (from scratch), and
even fake mashed potatoes (millet mashed potatoes which contained no
potatoes). However we did learn a lot. I got some great
recipes (even the tofu flan was yummy) and learned a few new techniques.
The teacher recommended a book called Healing with Whole
Foods that I hope to check out this summer (add that to the list).
_________________
Friday 22May98
9:02 pm
My final was decent and I am mostly glad to have it done. I did not
study very much at all, but it was not exactly the kind of class you can
study for. Needless to say, none of my classmates studied either.
The most I heard was three hours, which is pretty skimpy as far as
Berkeley usually fares. I am
glad that Cind and I moved our get-together to tomorrow since I would not
have the energy for it tonight. I, in fact, have not invited a
soul. Most everyone is out of town and I am not up for
entertaining. I suppose I will call around tomorrow if I remember.
I hate being so forgetful. I am hoping that having more
leisure time this summer will mean that I will be able to manage my
thoughts better. Summer projects:
- work two computer jobs
- make additional web pages for children's author
- make additional web pages for my dad's friend
- make a movie
- read up on postmodernism, poststructuralism, virtuality, sci-fi,
cyborgs, simulacra, and film
- write in my diary on a daily basis
I like how I was able to slip the movie in there as though it was just a
small item. I am slightly daunted by how I am going to accomplish
such a feat, but first I have to get the screenplay done. The
schedule I drafted calls for a completed screenplay by the end of May, so
I have to get cracking.
_________________
Thursday 21May98
7:56 pm
Today would be the day to study, but I just cannot bear it. I
finally got around to cleaning. He was
a total darling and helped with the kitchen floor and I made my room
spotless all on my own. I can never manage to keep my room clean
(tidy) and I wonder why that is. One girl I know (Sara) said that
her Brazilian parents never went in her room when she was young and that
is why she is so vigilant about cleaning it -- it is, and always has been
-- her own space. I am not sure how valid that theory is. I
used to think I did not clean because my mom is a neat freak; I was
convinced it was some sort of rebellion. But that is not correct; I
am just like my mother: clean (not dirty) but cluttered. Both my
parents are pack rats, and thus so am I.
I installed my new power supply and my computer is purring once again.
I also made use of my drill to make perfect screw holes in the
brackets for my additional hard drives. They are now securely
installed. Hardware is so much better than studying. I wish
I was a bit nervous about my final -- that would scare me into studying.
But my nonchalance has stayed with me and my procrastination has
grown. [I was just reminded of my Judo instructor from last
semester who said that "proscrastination" was the hardest word
in the English language (I hope he managed to lose that extra S; that
would make the word difficult for anyone)].
Cindy's sister arrived and he said it
was like Cindy times two. I felt bad
because I had to take off right away for work and then when I got back I
left again to spend the night at His place.
I used studying for my final tomorrow as an excuse, but I knew
there would not be much of that going on. I wanted to play with my
computer and escape the pressures of entertaining. I always end up
"performing" for guest, which can be quite exhausting.
_________________
Wednesday 20May98
5:39 pm
He and I drove to Fry's Electronics (for the second time in so many
weeks). I was very worried about being on time. At around
eleven this morning Berkeley
experienced a power outage, but I was sure it would be back up by the time
I had to be on campus. The outage certainly disrupted a lot of
finals and I am sure it upset people who needed to finish and print papers
on campus. The traffic coming back from Fry's was horrid, even
though we had allowed extra time for it. There was a five car
pile-up, including a semi. I was going to be late, so I called, but
no one answered. We went as fast as possible, and when I finally
ran into the building I was greeted by a man who informed me that the
power was out. Then I was a bit bitter that no one from work had notified
me (I had called home and checked my messages). Such is life.
I learned that Berkeley
generates quite a bit of power, but that we sell a good chunk of it to
PG&E and then buy some back from them. This waste of money
might seem absurd, but it is necessary for some of the research labs on
campus. Apparently, we have experiments that have been in progress
since the seventies, and constant power is vital. Of course, these
labs also usually have back-up generators, but the also use outside power,
so that the outside company is responsible for any outages.
Cindy's sister is arriving tomorrow, and
thought I was hoping to clean and study today, the day is dwindling and my
productivity has not yet arisen. I have been considering the
relativity of the things we take seriously in life. Consider money.
I will take bags with me to the supermarket to get 25 [wow, I just
realized I have no idea how to make a cents symbol] cents off my
purchases (5 cents per bag) even though my bill will be over one hundred
dollars. I will haggle to get a few bucks off a damaged book or
other item, but I shelled out several thousands of dollars to buy my
computer. My dad clips coupons but paid for both me and my brother
to go to private high school. Consider time. I will swerve
from lane to lane to arrive at my destination a few minutes earlier, but I
insist on making all of my deposits in the bank, rather than at the ATM,
because I trust it more. I only mind waiting in lines at certain
establishments. Consider water. We install low-flow shower
heads and turn off the water when we brush out teeth, but all the water we
save in a year is wasted by farmers in a day. Subsidized water
means it pays to be wasteful and watering at noon (like they do along the
5 [freeway]) means heavy evaporation. [Can anyone tell I was
heavily involved in environmental issues? I feel so preachy.]
It is all relative. As Einstein said, sit next to a pretty
girl and an hour seems like a minute, but sit on a hot stove and a minute
seems like an hour.
_________________
Tuesday 19May98
11:23 pm
I awoke at seven today to ensure that my baby got breakfast and was a bit
relaxed before his eight am final. Major massage time. After
eating I went back to bed until 10:30. When I realized that He was
still taking his final I was saddened. Finals only come in horribly
inconvenient times. The 8 - 11 am final means you have to wake up
early and you get no pre-final studying. This time slot is
Cindy's favorite. The 12:30 - 3:30
pm final is conveniently located during lunch time. Eating
beforehand ensures that you will be sufficiently drowsy. I prefer
this final slot because you have time to dawdle in the morning. I
am sure that everyone agrees that the 5 - 8 pm final is the worst.
This one completely interferes with everyone's dinner. You ruin the
entire day stressing and not studying productively. This will be
the time of my final on Friday. Yes, Friday evening I will be
scribbling like mad to get my film noir final finished.
Cindy finishes on Thursday, while He has the last possible final: Saturday 12:30 -
3:30. Cindy and I are having a small
party Saturday evening and I am hoping to head for LA on Sunday.
Driving on Monday (Memorial Day) is out of the question and my brother is
winning an award Tuesday morning. I am really hoping to make the
ceremony.
_________________
Monday 18May98
1:57 pm
I had my Astro final today and I was fuming. It covered a slew of
material that was not on the study sheet. This 700 person class had
every single student complaining outside. I then went to pick-up my
moon project to find that they had not been graded. We got either
ok, good, or excellent. I got a good, which I am guessing
corresponds to a B. The point is, I feel that these actions reflect
how little the teachers care about the class. Berkeley is a wonderful school, but one of the
problems with a research university is that you get some professors who
are only professing because they are required to; they are only interested
in their research. They are getting paid to teach and I really
think they should apply themselves to that profession in addition to their
research. Of course, I would prefer to be at a research university
(and hence I am) because the professors are much more up to date with
occurrences in their respective fields. We get so much of the
cutting edge material here; I am just disappointed by a few professors who
clearly have no interest in their students.
_________________
Sunday 17May98
4:21 pm
I am physically and emotionally depressed. All I want to do is
sleep. Studying is not an inviting activity. Part of this
low feeling is because I have been getting no exercise lately. All
I want to do is watch movies. I finished mending His pjs and boxers
and in general I feel like major domestic woman. Last night I made
Charroset (apples, walnuts, cinnamon, and sweet red wine) and I stuffed
myself. I enjoyed the same for lunch today. I promised to
take Him out to an expensive Italian dinner tonight. He has spent
the afternoon studying, while I napped for an hour.
Actually, getting my bum to work has helped to pull me out of my funk a
bit, but I really need to start studying for my final tomorrow to feel
really good about myself. I have a horrible habit which I will
never understand; I sometimes set myself up to fail. I let things
go for so long that there is no way to bail myself out. What has
been amazing for me is to learn that He does the same thing -- only much
worse than I do. I at least pass, even if I mess up an A. He
doesn't make it through a few classes every semester. I never knew
there were other people like that.
_________________
Saturday 16May98
11:09 pm
We slept in and I have felt tired all day. I have a headache from
being stationary for so long. Now that my dance class is over I am
falling apart. I have gotten less exercise this semester than any
other since I can to Berkeley. I am
not sure how people survive not getting any exercise. At least, as
students, we march around campus all day. But that certainly is not
enough. And now is the time when my body will decide how to process
food and fat for the rest of my life. I feel silly because I was
blessed by being thin but I still cannot manage to get my body fit.
Dance helps, but I know that one really needs weight training -- in
addition to a healthy diet and aerobic exercise -- to have a trim body.
He has been suggesting that we work out at the school gym this
summer. I would love to do that; I only enjoy working out
with someone else. By myself I feel very uncomfortable. The
Recreational Sports Facility (RSF) is fully of body-conscious men in their
early twenties. Women are scarce in the weight room, opting for the
stair-master room, so of course the men stare at any females around.
Being one of maybe four women in a room means you are subjected to
a lot of staring. All this while you are sweaty and unattractive.
And I hate lifting twenty pounds when the man next to me is doing
one hundred twenty pounds. It just makes me uncomfortable. I
told one of my Women's Studies professors how I felt and she, much to my
relief, said she felt exactly the same and had joined an all women's
gym.
_________________
Friday 15May98
9:29 am
I went to His place last night and we stayed up late watching The Fifth Element. This morning he dawdled
before driving me home and I was fuming. I don't think that I ask
a lot and we have specifically discussed the issue of him driving me home
in the morning. It embarrasses me to be late, especially to work,
and He is the only thing that ever makes me late. It drives me
nuts. Anyway, when I got home I rushed inside and I was so upset I,
I started crying when my roommate got
flustered with me; or perhaps I was flustered with her. Regardless,
my landlord is coming over this morning and I have no idea what he is
going to do in my apartment with
neither of us there. I find it interesting that the word
apartment has the word apart in it and is quite similar to
compartment.
12:49 pm
This shift is dragging and, while I am looking forward to the weekend, I
see studying for finals looming before my eyes. I have just been
told I have a meeting to attend at one, which postpones my lunch and my
attempt to get a happier computer.
10:53 pm
Tonight we rented Dream with the Fishes. Nothing delights me more than
curling up in front of the TV and watching a movie with Him. I feel that I can somehow shut out the
swirling stress that is emanating from the campus; finals began today.
Cindy's first one is tomorrow and
there have been and endless stream of her fellow civil engineering students in the house
studying.
_________________
Thursday 14May98
11:44 am
My computer died a firey death yesterday -- well, there was no fire...
But, unfortunately, my computer has officially bit the dust. The
power supply is fried, so the processor won't even start up. The
fan does not spin; nothing. I am going to have to put on my
sweetest voice to call the place where I got it and hopefully get a new
one. I will settle for a new power supply, but if I had my druthers
I would get the whole unit replaced, and just move my hard drive from the
old one to the new one. I seriously doubt I can talk them into
that. I don't even know if this problem is what has been causing
difficulties from the start, but I am guessing that it is. A bad
power supply would definitely account for the drive crash I had. My
co-worker Nate just told me life is not about being easy, it is about
being right. Food for thought...
3:44 pm
I am hungry since I missed lunch (I had one job from 10 - 12 and the other
from 12-4). I am looking forward to a nice tortilla filled with Spanish
rice and salsa. Thinking about it
is making me hungrier. Sometimes I am shocked by how unproductive I
can be. I guess everyone needs to take a break sometime.
_________________
Wednesday 13May98
3:07 pm
I have had the pleasure of staying in all day today. This is the
first day I can remember this semester that my calendar has been
completely free. He and I came to his place last night to make potato-leek soup and watch Monty Python's Life
of Brian. I only have two finals left in this semester and
am counting the days till they are done. Things are really looking
up. I miss my family and am very much looking forward to going
home.
This morning I was delighted to be able to sleep late. We ate
cereal while watching Tomorrow Never Dies on DVD. I had soup for lunch and am now working on His computer.
I was so tired last night I went to bed before the soup was done cooking, and it was supposed to be our
dinner. I have been loading myself up with work for the summer, but
I am excited to have an opportunity to read and explore topics which are
of interest to me. Plus, I will be making my movie!
I got an e-mail saying I did not get the promotion, which -- as I
mentioned before -- is not any sort of surprise. I did, however,
get guaranteed work for the summer, so I will be a busy lady.
Yesterday I got a call from my ex, Sam, while
I was out. My mother would tell me not to return the call.
She believes that it is healthy to break ties and never look back.
But I commend his effort to stay in touch and will hopefully speak to him
soon. I will be especially amused if he informs me that he is
getting married soon. I know that he intends to (at least as of our
last conversation). I want to be invited. That would be
fun!
_________________
Monday 11May98
7:36 pm
I spent the morning rushing to get another copy of my movie output.
I am very pleased with my edit, but having output troubles is rather
discouraging. First, the picture was choppy. This morning's
version has a smooth picture, but the sound would not synch. First
I was using movie player 2.5 (since 3.0 does not offer a present mode
unless you pay for the upgrade). Avid's VideoShop caused the
unsynched sound. I also tried presenting out of Adobe Premier, but
that was not any more successful. I am quickly exhausting all of my
options. So I dropped off the second version in my teacher's box
with a note promising a third version for the screening tomorrow. I
know what I'll be working on tonight.
_________________
Sunday 10May98
8:52 pm
Today Matthew visited me at work and began
work on a new version of his website. I like the graphics; they are
very sharp -- like on a club flyer. He is having me proof all of
his information. I love to do so and am considering being an editor
for some period of time in the future.
After work, two of my film classmates came over to edit their movie,
which is due tomorrow (for film noir class). I was
interested in seeing if other people edited differently than I did.
I am sure there are myriad techniques one can employ -- especially with
regards to the order in which one proceeds. The editing took quite
a while, as was to be expected. I left near the end and bought some
books at Cody's (mostly about computers and digital filmmaking). I
was glad to help out friends, but I have to scramble to get my movie
properly compressed for the screening on Tuesday.
_________________
Saturday 9May98
10:34 pm
My computer decided to be very unhappy today. It has not been well
since I got it -- with intermittent crashes that a new computer just
shouldn't have. Regardless, my computer got very angry today when I
tried to install my new RAM and a third nine
gig drive. The ensuing argument (between the computer and humans)
lasted for the entire evening. Matthew
spent a good four hours removing everything imaginable (each of my two
video cards, the striped drives, the additional drive, the SCZI card, and
the RAM). We moved the RAM to different slots and put the various
PCI cards in different slots -- to no avail. Four hour it took to
get a clean boot again with the extensions loaded. I was quite a
mess.
Unfortunately, Matthew was feeling guilty
about the problems since he had helped me pick out the components.
I felt that such feelings were unnecessary and unproductive. One of
his friend (Jason) was in town from being abroad and I was glad Matthew
could go out with Jason after so much stress and relax a bit. As
for me, I get to go to bed early!.
_________________
Friday 8May98
6:53 pm
I have become totally engrossed in a book exploring structuralism and
post-structuralism. I was especially impressed by the ideas of
Ferdinand de Saussure (1857-19130). He believed that, in
language, words are defined as not being other words. The book I am
reading, Structuralism
and Poststructuralism For Beginners, gives the example of the word
bat. Bat is defined as not being bet, bit, bot (bought), or but.
It is also not mat, fat, cat, sat, hat, vat, or pat.
This concept of negation struck me as paralleling film noir.
What defines noir as a genre is its function of not being
any of the other genres. The negative defines noir.
No other genre is characterized as being doomed from the beginning.
No other genre -- not even horror -- is so fond of killing off the
protagonist. Other genres are happy (comedy and some romance,
drama, and melodrama) or reach some sort of positive resolution in the
conclusion (such as Gone With the Wind). But a noir
character is usually dead at the end of the narrative -- the story being
told in flashback. The resolution usually depicts a bleak world
where action is futile and the characters have fallen through no fault of
their own.
_________________
Thursday 7May98
9:53 am
I just had a promotional interview. It went well but there is only
one spot for ten applicants and I haven't been here that long.
Additionally, rumor has it that the interviews are just a formality.
Some applicants were upset claiming the entire process to be a
waste of their time. It is only one hour to interview (plus a bit
of stress) so I did not find the process too horrible. I consider
it good practice for my future interviews. I am finishing my movie
today -- at least the nine minute version. I will probably make a
longer (15 minute?) version before the semester ends. At nine
minutes I feel I cannot include all of the material I want to. What
I like so much about my movie is that Cindy
gives all of the information about her within the footage that I would
want to give. I had originally thought that I would have to type
information onto the screen, but she says all of the important things.
I also love the way my music plays during the opening credits --
the cut is just perfect. It feels good when artistic endeavors
work out. I have only two finals left and then I am a senior!
_________________
Wednesday 6May98
9:14 am
The great countdown to the end of the semester has begun. I am
going to study for my Satgecraft final now and I will be editing this
evening -- after a two hour staff meeting in which I will take a lengthy
aptitude test. This morning I got called ma'am for the first time, by some
woman wondering if I was a graduate student. The graduate student
instructors (GSIs) are considering striking (yet again). I look
seventeen -- max -- and found it very amusing to be asked if I was a grad
student when most people mistake me for a freshman.
I had a nice stir-fried veggie dinner with Him last night but my
appetite has really plummeted. He makes my life so much easier.
He knows I am stressed so he did the dishes last night when I was
exhausted and he brought me breakfast in be this morning. I have
gotten over my Rice Krispies obsession and I am now eating Post Raisin
Bran religiously. Do other people eat in cycles?
1:57 pm
My final was a breeze and I cannot remember why I stressed so much (oh
yes, it was the stinky grade on the last exam in that class). I
love watching the semester draw to a close. I am enjoying
evaluating all of my classes.
_________________
Tuesday 5May98
11:20 am
Last Tuesday of the semester! I had a wonderful dinner with Him and
His dad last night. I absolutely stuffed myself at my favorite
Chinese restaurant. I am concerned about how his father perceives
me; of course, I want to make a good impression. It was really
wonderful to be so relaxed and to have the conversation flowing. I
felt so good at the end of the evening. His dad seemed to really
enjoy himself.
7:12 pm
After a full day of classes I am glad He is coming over to cook dinner
with me. My appetite is still sluggish so I am hoping to get a
fair amount of food in me this evening. I was glad I managed to
eat so much last night. I have been furiously editing and am pleased
with my progress. I have my first final tomorrow and am looking at
an evening of studying. This will be my worst final (stagecraft)
and I am delighted at the prospect of getting it over with early on.
It consists of straight memorization -- one of my worst skills.
I often wonder if I am only bad at memorization because I think I
am. Ah, a good old psychosomatic disability...
_________________
Monday 4May98
10:34 am
I went to His softball game in the rain last night and got his team
winning the championship on tape. I like this ability to document
life as it happens and I hope to exploit it further when I acquire my
digital camera. This activity meant that I stayed up way too late,
but it was really fun, and it meant a lot to Him. Ben is borrowing
my video-8 camera and he stopped by while Matthew was over watching me
edit. Ben and Matthew got into an involved discussion on cellular
and digital phone service. They crack me up! I also had a
long discussion with my dad yesterday evening about all sorts of good
topics. I am giving him my PC. I have to convince him to
take the monitor too so that I have an excuse to buy a new one.
Today I had to return the equipment from the art opening, which was
quite heavy. Matthew was a total sweetheart and helped me carry
things; I would not have been able to do it by myself. I was only
slightly irked that carrying such materials across campus was assigned to
me. I will be heavily involved in editing for the rest of the week,
and I have my first final on Wednesday.
_________________
Sunday 3May98
3:50 pm
It has been a frantic work shift of fixing computers. I volunteered
to test Berkeley's new mail client (IMAP
rather than POP) and I was trying to configure a program (Mulberry) that
apparently had some bugs in it. When I finally had entered all of
my settings the program crashed when I tried to save. Very
frustrating! I will not be using that program again. I will
instead give Netscape 4 a go at it. I have been working all weekend
on my documentary about my roommate, and
editing is well underway. I have decided to call it Nine Minutes
in the Kitchen with Cindy. I am so impressed by the technology that
allows my to editing non-linearly, in real time, on equipment that I can
afford on my salary (well, sort of). But as the mail client
illustrates, though the technology offers many abilities which are not
available in traditional filmmaking and editing, the technology is subject
to normal computer functions. A crash can mean a serious loss of
data or work. Regardless, I like to think that my film career is
taking off!
_________________
Saturday 2May98
11:24 am
He and I were discussing the more bizarre aspects of science, or rather,
how scientific understanding perverts our supposed knowledge of the world.
For example, take a pair of scissors. If you put one hand on
the plastic handle and one hand on the metal part, you would say they were
different temperatures. But they aren't. They have been
sitting in the same room together all day. The metal part feels
cold because it draws more heat from your hand. This level of
understanding leads to a bizarre way of looking at the world.
Objects never actually touch because they are separated by a thin layer of
electron shells. But our perception tells us that such objects are
touching. I believe myself to be sitting in this chair but I am
actually riding just above it. The reason this topic is of interest
to me is because I wonder if science causes us to be more disconnected
from the physical world rather while trying to understand it better.
Science causes us to distrust our perceptions of the world.
My film noir teacher always talks about the shock of living
in our society and how traumatic traffic was before there were
streetlights to help one cross the road. But science must also be a
shock in its destruction of the way were initially see our surroundings.
_________________
Friday 1May98
9:48 am
For reasons unbeknownst to me, I confused myself and arrived at work
fifteen minutes early today. The absurd thing about it is that I
was very stressed about being late. I do not know why I am such a
spaz about being on time. I haven't finished my homework for the
day, so I feel even more idiotic. Such is life...
12:43 pm
I was able to get my homework completed in the few minutes before class
but I think it will be counted late and that really irks me. I
pride myself on never being late; and I haven't been so once this
semester (to class, to work, or turning in homeworks). I cannot
believe that next week is the last week of classes. Thankfully, my
parents are in agreement when I address how quickly my life is flying by.
I think of my future plans in years, and the next decade is when it
all happens. I will have to decide about my continuing education,
my career, and my marital status. My flavor of the week -- school
wise -- is Stanford's documentary program. My mom told me that it
is good that I recognize that I change my mind a lot. I know that I
come across as flighty, but I think that is because I get so excited
about things. As soon as I here about a new program or opportunity,
I want to be involved.
Rachel's Daily
Diary
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