Begin at the Bottom
_________________
Wednesday
30September98
Yom Kippur
10:58 am
Though it is a holiday, I had to come into work. Now I'm getting
out of here!
_________________
Tuesday
29September98
Yom Kippur (after sundown)
10:01 am
Another day, another dollar. I am pluggin' through this week and
will try to keep my pleasant mood bottled for when I need it.
_________________
Monday
28September98
11:00 am
Another slow day in that facilities. I am playing on the web, and
marveling at how slow my connection can be. Sometimes I like
looking up a random word in a search engine just to see what bizzare pages I can come up with.
7:36 pm
I am not feeling so hot this evening. I am determined not to get
sick. At least I will get tomorrow over with and can rest a bit for
the rest of the week.
9:00 pm
I just received an e-mail from a self-described "late-night anonymous
guy wandering around through gobs of html" which made this late night
shift quite a bit more interesting. I am so impressed by people who
can write and write well all the time. I am reminded of Alexandra,
who will be a most famous novelist when she finally sits down and gets to
it. My spirits are lifting as I type.
He came to visit me at work and is in a superb mood, for which I am eternally thankful. He said he had a surprised, and showed me his pack-packful full of clean clothes so he could spend the night at my place. I had to admit that I had brough my schoolbooks so we could spend the night at his place. We are disgusting in the nicest way possible.
_________________
Sunday
27September98
7:16 pm
Another evening at work. I got my time mixed up and arrived an hour
early, but that gave me a nice chunk of time to get some work done.
After my shift ends I am going to a dinner party at Susie's house.
I am bringing port for dessert.
7:46 pm
I have been trying to locate a site a which to download
Netscape 1.1.
_________________
Saturday
26September98
1:32 pm
I feel awkward right now. He and I have been sort of uneasy all
morning. It seems so easy to set either of us off today. We
are having none other than sex problems. [I feel so uncomfortable
writing about this, but I think it will help me sort out my thoughts and
feelings.] I have always wanted to have more sex than whatever guy
I was dating; I liked being insatiable. But the birth control pill
has driven my sex drive to the ground. I mean dead halt. Not
that I enjoy sex any less, but I never think about it or initiate it.
For lack of a better way of saying this, I don't get horney.
This phenomenon has finally taken its toll on our relationship, mostly
because I feel guilty because we are having sex less often (now that I no
longer attack him, plus I think he is feeling uncomfortable initiating
things). We finally talked through it, then again the next day, and
then again this morning. But we haven't had sex since we brought up
the subject of us not having sex, and now there seems to be some weight in
the air. Both last night and this morning he seemed particualarly
sensitive -- emotionally speaking -- and we have had a few unpleasant
moments. After much talking while laying in bed this morning,
Cindy came in and she seems to be upset
about the cleaning in our apartment,
which has been an issue before. I feel so on edge, and I almost
started crying when he got frustrated with me a few minutes ago. I
feel like I am being attacked on all sides. Though I am tempted to
tell him that I want to be alone, I think I am going to try to enjoy the
day with him, and if I feel more uncomfortable, I will just ask to come
home. I know we can work things out and I know that we both want
to. I need to get a new pill perscription.
_________________
Friday
25September98
11:42 pm
Tonight I saw the New York Ballet Company with Sheyna and two of her
friends. It has been ages since I have been to the ballet, and I
really enjoyed it. The geometric influences on the particular
pieces we saw truely appealed to me sensabilities.
_________________
Thursday
24September98
9:47 am
My mother and Howard (her boyfriend) are in the Bay Area and He and I are
to have dinner with them tonight. She called me crying this
morning, very depressed because her neighbors of 24 years are moving away.
"Most marriages don't last that long!" she said.
While I don't want to belittle my mothers loss, I marvel that her life is
so wonderful that her biggest tragedy is her neighbors moving away.
She has it good. We are going to Greens tonight and we are sure to have a lovely time. I was up
early this morning to finish up my Film Theory essay, but it went much
faster than I had guessed, so I had a good chunk of time to study for my
Anthro midterm, which Cindy and I also
studied for last night. Hopefully that will go well for both of us.
I am trying not to get nervous, since that is never productive.
_________________
Wednesday
23September98
Autumn Equinox
7:59 pm
Someone just walked into the facility, said, "Pretty empty
tonight," and then left. Quite bizarre!
8:45 pm
I just uploaded the new graphics I designed for the I-House site. I am very
pleased with the way they (the banner portion) turned out.
8:54 pm
I just found out where to get free web pages from here.
| Intelcities | Geocities |
| Tripod | Xoom |
| CommunityWare | Create O Page (they create it too) |
| FreeServe | FreeTown |
| CyberCities | Yahoo Free Web Space Guide |
_________________
Tuesday
22September98
9:25 pm
I just got home from class. I was feeling icky, but when I picked
up the phone to make my calls I intercepted someone else's conversation.
I am sure I am a completely awful person, but I am still listening
to it. First it was boring and I was thinking how bland I probably
sound when I am on the phone. But then she got into weather or not
she was pregnant. He is ticked that she didn't ask the doctor when
she was in for a recent exam. She said she was embarrassed, because
she asked last time. Now he is saying they injected something
radioactive into him at the hospital today as part of a bone scan.
He says, "It was a trip!" Now she just started in on the
two girls she has a crush on. I couldn't have asked for a more
diverting and entertaining conversation. I tried to work on my
essay, but I can't put the phone down and now she's describing her
dream. She says that in her dream
she was 69ing with the guy with whom she is on the phone now. She
said she got horny. He is asking how vivid it was. On that
racey note, they are getting off the phone. He said "I love
you," but she didn't.
Am I a bad person for listening to this? I feel as though I am, but I can't imagine anyone I know doing anything else. As I was walking back from class tonight I noticed that I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I feel guilty, but I have no idea what I did wrong. I cannot think of anything which has occurred of late which would make me feel this way. I didn't get the promotion I applied for, but I pretty much knew that was coming, and have no idea how I could deal with more work anyway. Still, it didn't make me feel good to get the e-mail saying that I had been turned down. But why guilty? Perhaps I don't really feel guilty but rather something which I am having a difficult time assigning a name to. Regardless, it isn't a good feeling. Perhaps I am just overwhelmed.
_________________
Monday
21September98
Rosh Hashanah
4:34 pm
I was able to sleep in today, since I told work not to schedule me for the
holiday. I got a good rest, which allowed my body to recover from
my hike yesterday. I wasn't even sore! Since today is the
Jewish New Year, I am not attending classes, which means that I only
missed dance. I much prefer my own personal spirituality to
services, so I will probably not go. Tonight I am supposed to have
dinner at Sheyna's, and He is now sleeping in my bed. I had to run
down and put more money in the meter for His car. Figuring out
where He should park every time He comes over is a real fiasco. I
am sure every relationship has such little quirks.
_________________
Sunday
20September98
Rosh Hashanah (after sundown)
My Diary's First Birthday
4:12 pm
Here I am on the day of which sundown will mark the Jewish New Year and
my little diary has just turned one. It is nearly the year
5759. Today I went for an early hike with Karlyn to Point Reyes; it
was wonderful. The weather was absolutely perfect and we both had a
lovely time. My body is a little upset that I have been pushing it
so hard and sleeping so little, but it feels good to get a work out.
After I came back from my hike I made myself crêpes filled
with fresh strawberries. I really wanted to take a nap, but they
were worth it. And hiking actually gave me a surge of energy!
_________________
Saturday
19September98
9:47 pm
I got a sizable chunk of schoolwork done yesterday and so I decided to
reward myself by going to a party at His frat house. We arrived
early and hung out in Ben's room with one of my friends, whom I will call
Rene. Rene and I had a lovely time dancing, but she was pretty
drunk and by eleven she was quite sick. At midnight He and set out
to help her walk home (which meant one of us was carrying each side of
her). He was pretty drunk too, and we were having a good time
asking Rene questions and listening to her slightly incoherent answers.
The most interesting thing she said to me was that she was making a
seed in her head. When I asked her what kind of seed she answered,
"An apple seed." It took an hour and a half to get her
home and in bed, but it was pretty funny and I wasn't upset at all.
I don't mind being the responsible one. I did, however, realize
that I don't know very much about alcohol poisoning and I plan to find out
how to tell if someone has it and at what point a drunk person should be
taken to the hospital. It was a little scary to have to think about
such things. Thankfully, she called me this morning to let me know
she was ok and to ask what happened, since she couldn't remember half the
evening. So many reasons not to drink...
_________________
Friday
18September98
11:58 am
The impending homework crush is getting to me. I just had a
promotional interview, in which my HTML skill was tested for the possible
position of Web Administrator of café. It was less scary then I thought it would be.
The other project which is going to kill me in October (but which I am very excited about) is the
second publication of the book I co-authored with my mother in high school. The publisher wants
it updated for the second edition by November. Much craziness.
This weekend will be a busy one, but I will find the time for
dinner with Sheyna and a hike with Karlyn. I need some relaxation
time. I am heading home for lunch with my
sweety; lord knows we cannot be apart for more than an hour.
After dance class I will spend an exciting Friday night at home with my
school work.
_________________
Thursday
17September98
9:47 am
I was a bit discouraged because my intermidiate dance teacher (the class I
have for an hour and a half every day) had never once spoken to me during
class. I know I am not that great of a dancer, so I figured she
didn't know my name and I was wondering how long this silence would go on.
Much to the shagrin of most of the students, she has a heavy
propensity for correcting two students: Kelly and Matthew. So
yesterday in class I decided to do two experiments. First, I have
been sitting in a different place every time. So yesterday I sat
right in the middle (left to right) and near the front (front to back).
Still no comments. So I began counting how many times she
corrected Kelly and Matthew -- a sort of contest to see who got more
attention. Matthew was in the lead for most of the class, but in
the end Kelly won with 6 comments, while Matthew only got 5. At the
very end of class the instructor broke her silent streak with respect to
me by correcting how I was holding my hands. Now I know she knows
my name. But I think I still will count and have my little Kelly
vs. Matthew contest. It makes class interesting.
I am looking forward to this weekend, though I will have to write my first essay and study first midterm, both for Thursday of next week. Next month He and I will have our one year anniversary and we have to come up with something fun to do for that. We are both going home to LA the weekend before, for my mother's birthday and to see His sister in a play.
5:17 pm
Dance report: today the teacher (Ellen) made an equal 4 comments to
Matthew and 4 comments to Kelly. I am holding at 1 comment this
semester. This may become a very fun game. I have no idea
why I make up little experiments and games to amuse myself, but I think I
would go mad if I didn't.
_________________
Wednesday
16September98
12:34 pm
The domain name has been purchased. I spent the morning (when I
wasn't at work) outlining a business proposal for a potential customer.
I am so excited. Entreprenurial enterprises always seem so
out of reach, and here I am set up my own corporation. I also
called an investment firm this morning, admitted that I had no idea how
any of this works, and requested documentation so that I can begin a Roth
IRA. I feel so adult!
9:17 pm
He and I attended a lecture today by a former professor of mine.
Carol Clover was discussing the trail film; she is writing a new book on
the subject. I have spent the better portion of this evening's work
shift updating my web pages, especially my Super MOO List.
I know that most people stop having personal pages when they get
heavily involved in design, and although I was determined not to let that
happen, I have started slacking. I will try to be better about
updating. I also accomplished many chores this morning, which gave
me a good sense of satisfaction. I refilled my birth control pill
prescription (which is a highly effective actually a prescription for
acne) and called about my Roth IRA. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed
I don't get anything done. I have decided to concentrate on one
project a week. I hope I can at least manage that.
_________________
Tuesday
15September98
10:02 am
My super long day has rolled around again. I am about to begin by
going to my Film Theory class. It is so interesting, and I am
actually excited about the essay I am planning on writing (due a week from
Thursday) but we have so much reading! It isn't humanly possible to
do all this!
_________________ 11:08 am Although I felt lousey yesterday, I am doing much better now. I
get very excited at the prospect of starting my own business. This
is going to be a real adventure.
11:52 am I am trying to decide whether to wait to start my professional
work as a web designer until I graduate or to start while I am still in
school. Ideally I would only take off one year before grad school,
but I am a bit worried that the money will be so good that I will not want
to go back to school. Decisions, decisions . . .
I am very proud of my progress at learning / deciphering CGI.
I was able to do so much more than I though I was going to be able
to. I am a wiz with HTML and I have some
experience with Javascript (such as this graphic) and now
CGI. I also have decent graphic design skills (though they
could definitely be improved). My self improvement project (with
regards to computer skills) for now is to become familiar with LISP.
Eventually, I would also like to be a Microsoft Certified
Professional.
12:46 pm 9:18 pm After class today, He and I went to the market and got some food for
dinner. He told me he had my birthday present for me well in
advance (it is in December) and asked me if I wanted it now. He
told me he was sure that I would like it and he was right! He got
me my own domain name for the company I intend to start. I am so
excited! More toys to play with.
Monday
14September98
I spent the morning playing with my CinemaS p a c e account
which is now mirrored by my Rhetoric account*. Both of these are class accounts. I
found a company today for which I would like to work. Since I am
planning on forming a web design company anyway, I might as well do it
now.
My dad has finally gotten e-mail, and though he is a bit slow at figuring
it out, I am happy to be able to communicate with him more regularly.
My mom is addicted to online
auctions, and I am very happy for her because she now has an
empowering avenue to sell her collectibles. Of course, with no call
waiting it is impossible to get in touch with her, so I will probably get
her a second phone line for x-mas.
I was just exploring the Microsoft Certified
Professional web pages and noticed that they say, "Last Modified:
August 9, 1928". I e-mailed them and let them know.
I am back at work for another four hours and I will bet that not a single
client comes in. Sometimes this job seems so silly. I could
have told them this morning that it would be empty, but here they are
wasting all sorts of money to satisfy the university burocracy.
_________________
Sunday
13September98
|
_________________
Saturday
12September98
1:13 pm
I am working this glorious Saturday so that I can teach my favorite class:
Beginning HTML.
I've been doing this for more than a year.
He and I went nursery hopping this morning. I was very good about
not buying too many plants. After that we dropped by Jenny's
bar-b-q. We got there before anyone else, but at least I got a
chance to see her and to help her set up. I'm not feeling very
social anyway. I'm much too sleepy.
Well, it is fifteen minutes before the class and a half dozen people have already filed in. Tonight I am hoping to repot some plants and do a lot of homework. I cannot believe how much reading I have to do. And my first midterms are coming up...
_________________
Friday
11September98
10:25 am
I have just located an online image of crime density by
block for the city of berkeley. I of course live in one of the
worst areas. I also found a Virtual RubiX Cube
which I think is pretty nifty.
_________________ 9:50 am 7:15 pm 9:03 pm
Thursday
10September98
Fifty thou a year will buy a lot of beer. Well, I spent all of
yesterday afternoon and evening cooking up a business plan. He
brainstormend with me throughout dinner and at Peet's Coffee on Solano
Ave. afterward, where we both enjoyed cups of Earl Grey with lavender.
Once I got home I called my favorite corporate lawyer for a long
consultation. I am blessed to have so many wonderful resources at
my disposal. The line of song keep running through my head:
Got a job waiting
after my graduation.
Fifty thou a year
will buy a lot of beer.
Things are going great
and they're only getting better.
I'm doing all right
getting good grades.
My future's so bright
I gotta wear shades,
I gotta wear shades.
Back at work again. My supervisor is here, so we are having lovely
chats about most everything under the sun. He also has some Godiva chocolates, so I have been
partaking.
I am desperately trying to understand CGI so
that I can edit several existing scripts for one of my current jobs.
I feel as though I am some sort of archaeologer or anthropologist
trying to decipher a foreign language.
_________________
Wednesday
9September98
5:13 pm
I am enjoying a slow shift at work. Yesterday really burned me out
(Tuesday is my day with classes from 10 am - 9 pm) and my last class went
until 9:30. Of course, we were watching a hysterical movie called
Colossus:
The Forbin Project. We had a fascinating Artificial Life
class, out of which one issue especially struck me. Someone brought
up the issue of the two main flaws in the theory of evolution.
First, he said, we need to explain why we have sex and sexual
reproduction. He said that the point of procreation is to pass on
one's genes and through sexual reproduction, you are always averaging you
genetic make-up with that of your partner.
_________________
Tuesday
8September98
9:28 am
I had a rather unrestful night full of nightmares -- all about dance.
First I dreamt I forgot my leggings and then I drempt my teacher
kicked me out of class without explanation. Oh well. I made
my way to the computer lab this morning to print out my essay and He came
with me. He is now going to take off for school (He is going to
community college this semester) and I will sit here and tool around for a
half hour more. No rest for the wicked.
I e-mailed MIT about their grad program, and now I am not sure about whether to get a Master's or a Ph.D. My mom is really plugging for the latter. My current self improvement project is to learn LISP, which He has generously offered to help me with. One of the nice things about my job as a computer consultant (which almost makes up for the fact that we cannot study on shift) is that we are encouraged to learn new computer material. I love the idea of getting paid to learn!
_________________
Monday
7September98
11:32 pm
I was supposed to write an essay today, but of course there was a
sufficient amount of playing around with my father's new web site (which I
am designing) before I could sit own and pound it out. I am very
excited about my classes this semester; I actually look forward to going
to them.
_________________
Sunday
6September98
10:16 pm
I called in sick today so that I wouldn't repeat yesterday's motion
sickness while sitting down episode. I felt horrid yesterday, but
after drinking a lot of water and taking a four hour nap, I was a bit
better. I went out to dinner with Him and His mom; we had a lovely
time. I really like her.
_________________
Saturday
5September98
9:16 am
I am facilitating walk-in classes
today. This afternoon will house our first football game of the
season. The band was out practicing at 8 am, as they have been
every afternoon this past week.
I was talking with a woman about online diaries yesterday, and I said that reading one is a bit like reading a novel that gets a new page every day. That statement is of course referring to strangers who read diaries, not the author's friends.
11:12 am
A nice headache has come on while I have sat here. I made a lovely
dinner with Him last night (a huge salad). He managed to consume an
entire bottle of red wine (a nice meritage). Then I slept poorly.
I need a nap.
I have been wanting to make an art piece called Dictionary for a while. I wanted to have a dictionary definition where every word is a link to its definition. I found out it has already been done.
_________________
Friday
4September98
12:24 pm
I have been looking for application information for grad schools online.
As of now, MIT's Media Arts and Sciences
Program holds the most appeal for me. I must admit to being a bit
terrified of a grad school which is so heavily immersed in computer
programming. I am normally so confident about my future, but I feel
I may get in over my head at MIT.
Only 15% of their grad students are female!
_________________
Thursday
3September98
9:54 am
My brother's best friend is visiting from LA on a college trip. I
am hoping to get an opportunity to show him around and give him a few sage
words on college selection. He said he is interested in science, so
Berkeley would be an excellent
choice for him.
Last night I was naughty and I went and saw Pi rather than doing my reading. I am a bit burned out trying to adjust back into school mode. I enjoyed the film, but it was highly bizarre, along the lines of Eraserhead. I am sure it will be of use to my intellectual endeavors in my Atifical Life and Cinema class (which I cannot even begin to describe how much I am enjoying!).
_________________
Wednesday
2September98
9:52 am
I just had a meeting for the new facility to which I am assigned and then
I will have a three hour shift. After dance I am working again and
then I am teaching a girl HTML. I love showing people how to make
their own web pages.
11:21 am
Now that I have finished answering my myriad e-mail, I am visiting my
half-sister's uncle's website full of tasty
desserts. I love his logo! During this semester I will
be creating a web page for my father's law office.
5:44 pm
Back at work again. I am beginning to get excited about grad school
and all of the possible futures which can be mine. Opportunity is a
beautiful thing.
5:53 pm
I just got a request for an interview about digital diaries for an article
in SELF magazine. I love the idea!
_________________
Tuesday
1September98
5:52 pm
I am about to have my three hour film class for which I have prepared by
making myself my favorite sandwich: lettuce, tomato, and mustard on
sourdough. I am already behind in my reading but the three day
weekend should take care of that situation. I am still trying to
get into the swing of my classes and figure out a good routine for myself.