Begin at the Bottom
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Wednesday
31March99
Passover
2:15 pm
My modem ceased functioning today (though it is a software, not a hardware problem) so I am unable to connect from home [pout]. I spent the afternoon working on this page. It gives instructions on how to use BabelFish at Altavista, which does instant web page translation from and to English, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, and Spanish. that is some mighty fine code!I have been wearing my glasses, and am amazed at how much better I can see. I may take the plunge and get prescription sunglasses. I don't think I look half bad with my lenses on...
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Tuesday
30March99
8:46 am
I can't believe that I will be a college graduate soon. There is so much to take care of before hand, and I hope I have the strength and patience to do so...12:24 pm
I was just reading an article from Slashdot about Sexbots. I am fascinated by the cyborgization of women and I have been trying to get prints of Taco's Sexy Robots for nearly a year. The article informed me that XXX stuff is "the third biggest money-maker online, after e-trading and shopping." One of my teachers said that 20% of internet usage comes from the Bay Area...1:57 pm
I am a bit embarassed to say this, since I look so young myself, but when I walk around campus, I can't believe how young people look. I guess it is time for me to get out of here...We had to do self-evaluations in my Digital Stoytelling class this morning, and I wasn't at all embarassed to admit that I loved my project. There is nothing wrong with being proud of one's art (in my mind).
5:11 pm
I went to the store to try to ge the last edition of ArtByte, because it had an article on women as cyborgs, but they were all out. I am rather bummed, and will be scouring the city for it... I'm not even sure if it was ArtByte...
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Monday
29March99
9:04 am
I popped online to check my e-mail and realized that I haven't been keeping up on my genealogy work. I would like to publish a little book about my mom's ancestry before the end of the summer. I took a look at the Hansen genealogy forum because I know a friend was interested in its existence. I love that the web (well, actually the internet) makes it possible for some many people to contact each other and help with research.9:16 am
I had a rolicking good ride back up to Berkeley yesterday with Matthew. We made our usual stop at Pea Soup Andersen's and I bought two bags of candy corns, which were always my favorite when I was little.9:50 am
So I'm eating candy corns for breakfast, but at least they are non fat.6:54 pm
I'm getting into the homework swing of things, but it already feels like a Friday. I will be working on my Digital Storytelling project this evening. Ah, work is over, and I am in need of dinner.
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Sunday
28March99
12:08 am
I feel awkward, unsure of how I am really doing. I don't want to go back to school, I'm ready to graduate, and I've never felt closer to Matthew. I had such a nice evening playing Pinochle with my brother and dad. We saw EDtv today. It made me think about a lot of issues of documenting one's life that I had recently be struggling with in terms of my diary. Do I have a right to write about my roommate? She doesn't know what I am revealing about her here (at least I don't think she does) and I wonder if I have really explored all of the implications of that. I can't imagine it being a problem, but there is so much I can't imagine or foresee...
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Saturday
27March99
11:49 pm
I just got done watching a taped copy of the HBO documentary Private Dicks: Men Exposed. It was a one hour show of men talking about and showing their penises. I didn't learn anything, but it was fascinating to me what these men were willing to reveal about themselves. I can't believe they were able to find so many men [25] that were willing to talk about such private and taboo issues.
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Friday
26March99
9:16 pm
Well, there goes my vacation. The twenty pages I was hoping to complete of my honors thesis didn't quite make it, but I am getting into it. Driving home for an hour in rush hour traffic yesterday was surprisingly pleasant. I have grown not to mind traffic, and to be a much more patient driver. I am pleased with this improvement in my lifestyle. I went to Fry's Electronics and Best Buy today, both for the second time this vacation. As I told a fellow shopper, this is where computer nerds go on vacation. I really like the new multicolored Zip disks. I am pleased that computers are getting more colorful.9:26 pm
One of the most amazing things I have heard in a long time is that the Pope is releasing a CD and music video. If the 1990's have to be remembered for a single thing, I think that really sums it up. i can't even think of anything witty to say about it; the idea just blows me out of the water. On a similar subject, I watched a show on Amish rock bands with Matthew this evening.
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Thursday
25March99
12:26 pm
My vacation is slipping by, as it always does. Although it rains but 14 days a year in LA, three of those days have fallen on my one week spring break, but I don't mind the rain if I'm in doors and warm. I think I am going to head over to my dad's office now; he is insisting that i care for his plants. Then I will be going to my mum's house; I installed OS 8.5.1 on her machine and the talking alerts, which are set by default, gave her quite a scare.My ex Sam sent me a long e-mail and I am looking forward to resopnding to him tonight. I am trying to watch Murder on the Orient Express right now, but it is not keeping my interest.
8:18 pm
The server does not appear to be up, so I am writing this offline. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels was a good movie, but it was very violent, and I was disturbed by the knowledge that it was intended for me; I am the target audience for such films. I recommended it to my brother, who I am sure will like it. The ending is intentionally ambiguous, unfortunately unfilling, and ultimately disappointing. But is was a beautiful movie. the director [and probably the editor too] was a genius, and so much of the film was original and breathtaking -- or as my brother would say: very cinematic. I bought my mom a really nice wrist rest, and now I have to get one too! I love it...
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Wednesday
24March99
10:36 pm
I went out to dinner with my father and brother tonight, and then saw Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels with my dad. I am too tired to write about it now, and my brother doesn't want me on his computer.
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Tuesday
23March99
12:09 pm
[deletia]5:22 pm
A friend got rather upset about what I wrote about him, so I removed all [4] references to him today. Nobody has ever had a problem with what I have written before, ad I figured if it went on for this long, I wasn't going to have any such instances. Life presents us with new little surprises every day. Actually, he wasn't very kind in telling me how he felt about it and I burst into tears on the phone. I have been out of sorts ever since then. I almost had a fight with Matthew, but we successfully avoided that by talking things through while cuddling.The Mod Squad was actually delightfully entertaining, though I was not especially pleased with the selection of music they chose to play as representative of genXers. I don't really feel as though I have changed very much in the past few years. I have especially noticed that I look the same, which is what it is (meaning I haven't decided how I feel about it). I am so excited about being done with working, and I hope that this enthousiasm will sustain me through at least a year of working. Freelance/contract work would be ideal, but I wouldn't mind trying my hand at the corporate world just to see if I can pull it off.
Until I got upset today, this was the perfect vacation. Unfortunately though, I am still having problems sleeping, so I often wake up much earlier than I would like to. I will be setting up my mums 7500 later on tonight, and will be having dinner with my brother either tonight or tomorrow.
I feel awkward right now, and I don't know if it is being back in LA, or being so close to graduating, or thinking so seriously about what I want to do next year. I enjoy knowing how much I have in front of me, and how many lessons I have to learn. First and foremost, I would like to try to not be such a guilty person. People can hurt me so easily, the way I am.
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Monday
22March99
4:25 pm
It is a gloriously sunny day. I spent a good chunk of time this morning reading in the backyard with my dog Blu. I also took several photos of him. I have been enjoying good food and time to laze around. I am looking forward, with such anticipation, to a time when I have nothing to do -- no responsabilities. I will graduate and be free, for how long, I do not know.Tonight I am going to see a sneak preview of The Mod Squad. I spent about an hour on the phone trying to figure out what sort of internet connection to get my mom (second phone line, cable modem, ISDN, DSL, etc.). The Centris is a little unhappy; this week I will be installing my mom's new (used) 7500. I think switching to Power PC will make all the difference for her...
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Sunday
21March99
11:01 pm
Because my mother wanted me too, I watched the academy awards with her and my brother; I successfully picked best picture. my mom hit her head rather badly at sometime during the show. I was most worried, and wanted to take her to the hospital, but she refused. My dad also advised against it, but I reminded him of when he sent me to school with a broken arm, insisting that it was only sprained.I am delighted to be back home. Never before have I delighted so much in how beautiful Santa Monica is. [deletia]
I try not to judge name droppers, but growing up in LA, and going to a private school such as I did, makes one rather jaded to the whole hollywood scene. I am simply not impressed by who people know, or live by, or saw at the super market. We all have those stories...
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Saturday
20March99
1:09 pm
Theoretically we are supposed to be on the road to LA in two hours, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. I wouldn't care, except that we are also taking Jenny with us, and I don't want to ruin her day. I am going to try to take a small portion of my stuff home with me for good, so that I can begin the arduous process of cleaning out my room. Living somewhere for three years allows for a major accumulation of stuff. And my fifty houseplants aren't going to be easily moved.
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Friday
19March99
9:12 am
Saturday is both the first day of spring, and the first day of spring break; that is what I call poetic justice. At some point tomorrow we will be driving down to LA. I am loving the idea of a break, though I will spend most of the time working on my honors thesis. I won't be taking my computer home, which will make my back happy (I live up three flights of stairs here and one flight in LA). I am now going to transfer all of my video-8 footage to miniDV.... More toys to edit!5:46 pm
I managed to get my timesheet turned in and I am officially on spring break. I will be going to a fellow time student's art show tonight. I know that most people have left for spring break, and I would feel awful if I planned such an event and then no one came...I ran into Rita today, whom I haven't seen in a year. It was as though we hadn't been apart at all, and I look forward to spending some time with her after the break. I remember wanting to film her sophomore year, and hopefully I will have a chance to do so this semester.
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Thursday
18March99
12:48 am
Up way past my bedtime. David e-mailed me my astrological chart and I pulled out the line:For you, everything is intensely personal and colored by emotion.That statement is true, thought it always surprises me when people tell me that I am sensitive. What about me gives them that notion?Matthew and I just spent a long time on the phone and now I am in need of sleep. Tomorrow both my Dancing Plants movie and my latest time piece are due. I hope all goes well...
8:07 am
Of course when I go to sleep late I wake up especially early. I am going to be in serious need of a nap today. I managed to program my CD player, which I have never tried before. i can now listen to Jethro Tull's Bungle in the Jungle indefinately on repeat. most people don't listen to songs they like over and over again like I do...
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Wednesday
17March99
St. Patrick's Day
11:36 am
I am all decked out in green and am about to head off to pick up camera equipment for the day. I haven't even planned on shooting anything... But the day is sunny and I am open to adventure.1:57 pm
No one is wearing green today, which I find to be very disappointing... Cindy is sick and I can hear her coughing away in her room. I hope she feels better soon. My man and I had a bit of a run in last night, after we went out drinking, and I am hoping we will be able to quickly resolve things today. This evening will be exceptionally busy, and I hope I manage to get half the things I want to done...10:22 pm
I am listening to Jethro Tull's Bungle in the Jungle over and over. I wrote an e-mail which I will not send to an ex who I haven't seen in 3 years...
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Tuesday
16March99
8:47 pm
If people get cancer from electrons escaping from computer screens, I will be one of those people. I sit in front of this machine all day long. I had an emotional day today. We had critiques in my morning digital video class, and I got a lot of positive feedback for my documentary on strippers, but I was frustrated by how defensive I got about peoples' negative comments. I really need to work on that... Then, at the end of class, my professor snapped at me, so I was bummed out. He also held us late in class, so I wasn't able to me with my thesis prof to drop off a revised outline of my thesis. Of course, when I went to print my outline, it crashed the machine, so I wouldn't have been able to do that anyway. So I went early to my digital storytelling class and printed my outline in a different computer facility. DigiStory went well, and then I had to go meet with my prof about my time class (I have the same prof for digital video and for time...). He started for appologizing for being rude, which put me at ease. Apparently I had all sorts of pent up anxiety about those two classes, because I let it all out. It was such a release, and he was so supportive that I almost started crying. As soon as I left his office I was bawling, but I just put on my sunglasses and made my way home. I wasn't upset; I was just so relieved that crying was my only release [sometimes I cry when I have orgasms, too, because they are such a release]. I stopped in the garden by the UAM/PFA and sat by the grass and cooled off. Then I made my way home. My prof had also sent me e-mail appologizing for snapping at me, which I got when I arrived at home.
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Monday
15March99
12:18 pm
I just began to get registered with the Internet Movie Database (IMDb). I got a lot of work done this morning, and I will be on the editors this afternoon, tweaking my Dancing Plants movie, and making VHS dubs of various projects. Amazingly enough, Dancing Plants looks better on VHS than on miniDV.5:36 pm
After another 4 and a half hours of tweaking in the editing lab, my short is pretty much where it was yesterday... I am grouchy. but at least it is done. my beely hurts because I am so hungry, but I am listening to some mighty fine music on 107.7 (KSAN), which I have been listening to pretty consistantly for about a month...
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Sunday
14March99
10:42 pm
It has been a long weekend. I put in a four hour shift on the editor both yesterday and today, and managed to finish off my latest flick, Six 17-second Haikus aka Dancing Plants, of which I am very proud. The film turned out wonderful, and I am excited to show it in class. But I spent the remainder of today filmming for my filmmaking class (7 hours!) so I am thoroughly exhausted. I will now merrily drift off to sleep.
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Friday
12March99
8:39 am
I am going to the city today to meet my prof at her home. We will be discussing my honors thesis. Going to SF is a bit of a pain, but I am excited for the adventure of it, and I have never seen the Mission District.In terms of the job hunt, I am amused by the direction in which my lack of search is going. When I used to go home to LA, for summer break and such, the notion was always: what strings could my father and friends pull to get me employed somewhere. Now, being a web mayven, I have developed a very attractive skill set, and so his friends are vying for who gets to make money off of placing me somewhere. Of course, I'd rather stay in the Bay Area, or go to New York, but I will most likely end up where the money is.
10:08 am
I feel as though something exciting is going to happen today -- some sort of adventure. I wish the battery on my video camera was charged. I will be taking my still camera... If nothing else, I will document my trip to the city. Photos to follow.3:46 pm
Walking about in the city made me fell like I was in a different world; I had a vacation today... I got a lot accomplished and had a very productive meeting with my prof. I will be swamped this weekend, but I will be happy because things are going my way, and it's a sunny day.
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Thursday
11March99
8:22 am
I just shot all the footage for my next digital video assignment, which is to make six 15-second haikus. We are allowed to interpret that however we want. I am doing a study of some of the plants in my room.2:50 pm
My Digital Storytelling class is all on a MUSH now, which is a lot like a MOO. Anyway, we have to solve a little riddle. We are trapped on the island of The Lord of the Flies. Anyway, I solved it after 30 seconds; I located the plane, so my teachers locked me out of the room. I got mad. Now they have locked everyone else out. Now they have unlocked us all... This is silly. Why play a game if the rules keep getting changed?
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Wednesday
10March99
9:37 am
I had a horrible dream this morning that I was in a huge fight with my mom. She had gone through everything in my closet at my dad's house, reading my diaries, etc., and had thrown everything out. She hadn't done it in the trash, she had driven my stuff somewhere to dump it. When I asked it where it was, she said near some ATM. She was laughing at me, and I slapped her. So I woke up with my heart racing and my stomach is still too upset for breakfast. I've only hit my mom once in my life, and that was when she hit me; I wanted her to know that such behavior was unacceptable to me. I don't intend to ever hit my kids. I also got my period today, so that contributes to my belly ache.Actually, I just remembered a dream I had earlier in the evening, in which I had somehow floated was up in the air, higher than I had ever been before, and then I started dropping very rapidly, and as I was racing towards the ground I began to slow again. A blanket I was holding was acting as a parachute, and I landed as softly as a feather.
2:57 pm
I am feeling much better now. I dusted off the last two Advil at my place, and I haven't felt dizzy all day. I had my worst dizzy spell yet yesterday... I am worried, but my dad says he has the same thing, where he will get motion sickness for no reason.I just met with my filmmaking professor, and he really liked the piece I did for him on time. It was a few minutes of Matthew's roommates sitting on the couch.
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Tuesday
9March99
8:42 am
Today I am screening my stripper movie, which I am pleased to have finished this weekend. I am feeling a little nervous thought...12:05 pm
Screening went well. The sound isn't perfect, but it works for me, so I am delighted. I made a VHS dub from my mini-DV master, and I am excited to show it to Ruby on Friday. Matthew and I went to the student documentary screening yesterday at the PFA. Ruby, who was my professor for my documentary class, said that she had proposed that my film Nine Minutes in the Kitchen with Cindy be screened. Even though it wasn't, I was on cloud nine that she thought it should have been, so I am looking forward to her imput on STRIP.My job interview went well, because they had me fill out all sorts of forms and by the time I got done I wasn't nerveous anymore. Of course, I'm sure I'll go through the same nonesense all over again when I have the next one. Thankfully, Matthew took great care of me...
3:14 pm
I am sitting in Digital Storytelling right now. I was considering dropping it, but the discussion is good, and now I'm not sure...7:53 pm
I just got back from my Time class and I am highly inspired for my next assignment. I will be making an audio piece, and this is the first time I will have made a sound piece without a visual component.
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Monday
8March99
11:46 am
I heard on the radio that Stanley Kubrick died yesterday, which struck me for some reason. He was 70, but he seemed younger to me because he was always on the tongues of film buffs. I can't mention how many times I've heard about his new project with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman or his new AI movie... I'm sure the film community will begin paying their respects soon, for Kubrick has an impressive and varied filmography. My belly is in major knots, as I have a job interview today. This is a real interview, meaning one outside of the University setting. It will definitely be a learning experience. I dreamt all night that someone was going over my resume line by line -- needless to say, it was not a very restful sleep. The good thing is that I woke up with all sorts of great ideas for my honors thesis. I must have dreamt about that too...
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Sunday
7March99
1:22 pm
Matthew and I went out shoe shopping, because I was in desperate need of a new pair of tennies. I love New Balance shoes, and I wore my last pair into the ground. Matthew wanted me to consider other brands, because there isn't usually a large selection of NB shoes at store. But I don't want another brand. NB shoes are comfortable and are made in the USA of synthetic materials (this is important to vegans). I think I will have to do all of my shopping at New Balance's website from now on.1:55 pm
After much fishing, I am disappointed with New Balance's website. It is quite beautiful, but rather difficult to navigate. I wanted to find a picture of my new CWX357S's, but was unable to find any shoes, besides their featured men's shoe of the month...
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Saturday
6March99
8:44 am
Yesterday I made a page about David (which resulted in a page about French). The reason for this was that he sent me an e-mail which made me really mad, but my first reaction was to write about it here, to blow off some steam, and I didn't really think that would be very appropriate because I knew he was going to read it. I decided instead to call him, and let him know how mad I was, but once we were on the phone I couldn't bring myself to say anything, because I know myself and I figured I would probably be rude. I finally found a segway in the conversation into which I could introduce the topic. He was very understanding, listening to me completely, and appologizing. Now I know how approachable he is...11:28 am
I need to have a semi-complete outline of my honors thesis, including bibliography and filmography, by Monday evening. I have written down bits and pieces here and there, but I need to get out of the brainstorming phase and into the documenting phase. I'd like to incorporate some of my brainstorming into this diary, to capture the evolution of my ideas over time.
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Friday
5March99
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Thursday
4March99
2:07 pm
I spent all morning working on my resume [any suggestions? e-mail them my way]. I completely forgot about class, which I have never done before. I guess I'll chock it up to a mental health day (this is the first class I have missed this semester!). I found writing a resume really difficult, mostly because I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, and I haven't touched it in years...
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Wednesday
3March99
12:45 pm
I went to work at 11:30 and then stopped by the office of a woman I had submitted a business proposal to. She was very enthousiastic about the project, and I got so excited, that I sang to myself the whole way home. I am still high on the feeling. I had the same experience yesterday. With much shame, I went to meet with one of the best professors I have ever had, to ask if I could still write my honors thesis with her, regardless of the fact that the semester is half way done and I haven't started (besides outlining). She too was supportive and agfreed to help me. I was so excited and so terrified at the same time. I've never written more than a 15 page paper, and my dad keeps telling me how difficult it is to write a thesis. If nothing else, this is another adventure to put under my belt when I graduate.In other news, there is a guy named David whom I only know through our online communications, which we have been merrily keeping up for some months now [he is the guy who read through my whole diary in one sitting]. Anyway, he offered to submit my resume for a very attractive job, so now I have to get my bum in gear and update my resume. I also need to move this diary to a new server, since I will lose access to this one when I graduate.
1:05 pm
I managed to squirt orange juice all over my monitor while eating an orange at my machine. Last night Matthew and I went out to dinner at Henry's. I had only been there one other time, on my birthday, so I didn't know about their Two For Tuesday deal, so after my first drink with dinner, I ordered a second and instead got two more. Needless to say, with my tolerence, I was smashed. I can't believe I got drunk on a Tuesday!
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Tuesday
2March99
11:16 pm
I am in pain. I have the worst stomache ache I have ever had.
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Monday
1March99
4:22 pm
I just got training on the 16mm Arriflex camera at school, and I am so excited to be actually working with film after so many years of studying it. I have gotten consent for three of the interviews for a documentary I am planning about men who work in Dwinelle. I am also doing a good job of updating my digital video notebook. I spent the morning editing my stripper footage (7 hours!) and didn't get much done, because I have to narrow 40 mins of footage into 3 minutes of movie.