Begin at the Bottom

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Monday
31May99
Memorial Day (observed)

1:46 pm
It finally dawned on me today that I am really on vacation.   No more moving!   I have definitely been enjoying the sunshine while I have watered my 50+ plants.   Matthew and I want to kick off the whole vacation thing by seeing a lot of movies, and we are going to join his family in a bbq tonight at his place.   I am so excited to be home and to slip back into LA mode.

One of my favorite parts about the drive down here was the truck drivers.   Matthew had previously made me aware that when trucks pass each other on the freeway they flash their lights (or turn them off at night) to indicate to the passer that their truck is far enough in front of the passee.   Since Matthew was driving a heavy load, and obeying the law, we were going rather slow, and we got passed a lot.   We concluded that some drivers were unhappy to let Matthew into this secret fraternity, but most were happy to flash us a thank you.   I loved to watch the goings on...

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Sunday
30May99

11:33 pm
Where have I been the last few days?   Thursday I was up at around 7 to begin packing.   We (he and I) went and picked up the U-Haul early on and snaked the parking spot right in front of my apartment.   We packed and packed all day.   We were planning on getting the tow dolly at 5 pm, but we ended up grabbing it right before they closed at 7.   By then we had settled on leaving late that night.   We left at 7 pm on Friday (the next day), after another grueling day of packing, carrying (I lived on the third floor), sacking and tying.   We went more than half way to LA and then spent the night in a Super 8 motel.   I had never spent the night in a hotel with someone I was dating.   Another first...   We made the rest of the journey on Saturday, arriving in Los Angeles at a respectable time.   I got my bro to help me unpack while my man slept.   I completely destroyed my father's living room, but he has been good about not losing his temper over all of the stuff I have packed into his house.   I am embarrassed by how many possessions I have.   Today we drove my bed to my mother's house, removed the old bed, and set up the new one.   Then we delivered my old bed to Goodwill.   We even managed to drop off the truck at a reasonable time.   Four days of moving will do anyone in, but at least I am harvesting a few new muscles.

My bother hates soup.   Have you ever heard anything more ridiculous?

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Wednesday
26May99

2:19 pm
I have been a negligent writer of late, mostly because I have once again been running around like a chicken [Freudian slip: I wrote "chick"] with my head cut off.

3:44 pm
As I was saying, before I had a spectacular lunch with Aurora and him, I was really stressed out this morning.   He and I went to Palo Alto last night for a bbq at Ben's place.   I was really freaking out this morning, especially when U-Haul said they still didn't know when my truck would be available tomorrow.   But I accomplished more than half the items on my to do list, and had the above mentioned lunch, and now I am feeling much better.   Though I should not, I am now going to curl up in bed to enjoy several pages of Cryptonomicron.

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Sunday
23May99

6:04 pm
I look at going New York for the winter to be a fantastic excuse to get a really killer collection of winter coats.   Everyone has been telling me how awful Boston will be, but I feel like if I make it through a New York winter I can make it through a blizzard on Mount Everest.   I grew up in LA, so I consider the Bay Area to be freezing.   I am looking forward to changing my perspective on cold, or at least that is what I keep telling myself.

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Friday
21May99

3:07 pm
I have well over 200 postcards taped to various walls around my apartment, and I have given myself the project of taking them all down this afternoon.   I used to criticise myself for how cluttered I make everything look -- I have never mastered the "less is more" theory -- but now that I see my walls denuded, I realize how kick-ass this place looked.   It really was my own little universe.   There is still much wall paraphernalia to be removed...

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Wednesday
19May99

8:54 pm
I don't have the energy to write about this; I am so drained.   My thesis advisor, having met with me once about my paper, and having never mentioned a length, took one look at it today and rejected it.   It needs to be two to three times longer.   I feel like an idiot for not asking her how long she wanted it.   Anyway, I have an incomplete, and I will be rewriting it this summer.   I am praying to get it done by the end of June.   I had about 5 hours of freedom, from when I turned in the final print of my digital videos this morning, to when she called me this afternoon.   This isn't the worst thing that could have happened, but it's a bummer, and I will admit that I cried for a while.   These are the ups and downs that make up my life.   I must sound so 21.

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Tuesday
18May99

8:51 am Two days ago I was filling out an application form online.   When it asked for my education level, I was able, for the first itme, to list myself as a college graduate.   When I got to the employment section, I realized I was no longer able to mark myself as a student, so I wrote self-employed.   However, I still didn't feel done.   Yesterday I e-mailed off my thesis; for better or for worse, it is out of my hands, unless my prof wants a rewrite.   But I still didn't feel done.   Tonight from 6-10 I will have the last class meeting of my undergraduate career (I miss-reported this meeting as being on Thursday, earlier, but a consultation with my calendar has corrected me).   I still don't feel done.   I have to write a memo, and get it signed by the department, in order to officially graduate.   I'm saving that for tomorrow.   Matthew has finals until Friday, and I still have to reserve a moving truck.   Cindy says that I probably won't feel done until I am in the moving truck on my way to LA.   That sounds reasonable. On Friday I had the best piece of good luck in years, so much so that I am afraid to curse it by saying what happened.   Let me just say that I will be going to sign the papers in a few minutes and then I will reveal the details. I bought myself a book.   I shelled out $30 for Neal Stephenson's new hardcover Cryptonomicon.   I bought it at Cody's and it is autographed.   I also bought Snow Crash (by the same author), which is by far my favorite sci-fi of all time and definitely on my top ten list of best books ever (right up there with The Debt to Pleasure).   Cryptonomicon was a graduation present to myself.   But I decided to reread Snow Crash before I dove into it.   I was worried that Snow Crash wouldn't be a good as I remembered, since I have a way of romanticising memories in my mind.   (Does everyone?)   I first read Snow Crash during my Freshman year at UCB.   It was an assignment for an English class that everyone is required to take to graduate; I had the amazing fortune to get myself enrolled in the one class that was solely dedicated to sci-fi.   I had never read sci-fi at the time, and I have been hooked ever since.   We had one female and one male teacher (both GSIs [graduate student instructors]).   But the woman did most of the teaching.   Her name is Catherine, and I would love to track her down and let her know how much of an impact her class had on me.   Summer project.   Anyway, rereading something I read as a Freshman, now that I have graduated, is somehow very poetic.   When I began on Snow Crash, I couldn't put it down until I finished it.   I remember staying up until 4 in the morning reading -- and forget about homework!   So these two books are a gift to myself, though I intend to make Matthew read Snow Crash after I finish it.   I've already got 100 pages under my belt.   And I already know that I won't be able to put it down until I get through it again.   Books are food for the mind, and I love them. 9:54 pm I just voyaged to the bank to deposit several generous graduation gifts.   I am already half way to my goal of a G3 laptop, and I thought I'd have to work all summer to get it.   I decided I had to have a laptop if I'm going to be travelling all over this fall.   I am beaming.   I could feel myself walking all over campus with a huge grin on my face.   It felt good to catch a glimpse of my reflection in a store window.   I am happy.   I worked my tushy off the complete a Dramatic Arts Minor, but in the end I wound up one class short (and somewhere along the lines they changed the requirements so that one of my classes no longer counted, but I arranged credit for that).   I intended to go meet with the advisor and try to get them to approve one of the classes I have taken to complete my requirements.   Anyway, on Friday I came home to a phone message from the department, reminding me to come in and sign the papers saying that I have completed my minor (which I just did).   I asked myself, "How did this happen?" but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.   I say "thank you!" to whatever cosmic fore made this happy, be it karma or god or pure luck and clerical error.   Berkeley just gave me an awesome gift -- the best graduation present I could imagine.

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Saturday
15May99

8:26 am
I was just reading an article about a Texas bank that has retinal scans at their ATMs.   The article says that, "An iris contains 266 measurable characteristics while a fingerprint contains about 35."   It also said that, "Iris identification is already used at 11 banks outside the United States and may eventually be extended to many other kinds of financial transactions."   I had no idea they were doing that around the world.   Yesterday I was invited to submit something to Journal Cafe.

1:59 pm
I wonder if people do more genealogical research during the week -- at work -- or on the weekends -- at home...   I cannot believe how trendy this research has gotten...

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Friday
14May99

2:32 am
Why no entry yesterday? you might ask.   Excellent question.   I fell asleep at 6 pm and didn't wake up.   Matthew nudged me and asked me if I wanted to sleep all night.   I responded "no" and then promptly went back to sleep.   At 3 am I got up and did nothing productive until 6, when I fell asleep again.   At 9 am Matthew again woke me and we had breakfast.   All this signifies that I am depressed, because that is the only time I can sleep a ton.   Graduation was blur it was so fast, and I went to bed at 8 pm that night.   It hasn't in any shape or form hit me that I am done with my 16 years of school.   My thesis is due on Monday, and then my last class meeting is on Thursday, and then ... freedom.   Well, freedom and packing my apartment.   Then Los Angeles and lord only knows what...   I am excited to be done with this place but I don't feel done yet.   I'm sure it will come sooner than I think...

3:16 pm
In my continued surfing, I just learned that i will receive my diploma in September of 1999.   Great.   And of course I have to pay for it.   The thesis is slowly (oh so very slowly) growing in size...

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Wednesday
12May99
Graduation Day

8:07 am
Up at 6:30 on my graduation day, I was hoping to get in a little thesis work before this afternoon's ceremony.   Basil sent inspiring words from Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you cannot do...   I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends.

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Tuesday
11May99

9:59 am
I graduate from college tomorrow.   I will admit to being a bit depressed of late, not because I am sad about leaving (I can't wait to get out of here), but because I am overwhelmed about how I am going to get everything done.   Yesterday I bought graduation tickets and got my cap and gown, but I still haven't managed to get dinner reservations for tonight and tomorrow.   And, of course, there is the thesis.   I have to reserve a U-Haul for the daunting task of driving all of my crap home to LA.   I have over 50 house plants!   And four bookshelves worth of books to pack up....   Life is a whirlwind of things to accomplish.   My grandparents and my mom and her boyfriend arrive in town today.   My dad has been here since Sunday evening.   I am so close to the end, but still so far.   My thesis is due in six days (on Monday).   I can do this.

11:08 pm
It was a lovely dinner with Matthew, my mother, her boyfriend, my father, my grandfather and a family friend.   We had drinks afterward, and I saw my nasty roommate from freshman year in the bar.   It is always something.   But I am pleased because everyone had a good time, and everyone liked my movie at the screening earlier today.   I will sleep heavy tonight.

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Monday
10May99

4:09 pm
Graduation is in two days.   To procrastinate from doing my thesis, I will now make a list about my computer.   I dreamt last night that my thesis advisor was trying to introduce me to a bunch of film theorists, who had come to Berkeley just to meet me.

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Sunday
9May99

7:22 am
I am feeling guilty for not writing more.   My life is a whirlwind of preparations right now.   I am still chugging away at the thesis, as well as my family tree movie.   I was hoping to clean my room for when my parents and grandparents arrive for graduation, but didn't manage to even start yesterday.   Matthew says I will never finish with that in time.   I am not sure how that makes me feel.   I went to the library to look up an article that my thesis advisor said that I must incorporate, but the library was closed.   Why they can't switch to the final's schedule of extended hours the week before finals start is beyond me (they wait until the actual week of finals).   My advisor says that she is worried about my progress, and I don't know how to respond.   I am doing my best.   I am supposed to mail her a draft on Wednesday (graduation day) and then the final version is due a week from tomorrow.   Then I'm done!   Wow, that feels far away right now...

A guy sent me the following in an e-mail:

My name is Mike and I'm a first year student at the Ohio State University. I'm analyzing your On-line Diary for my English 110 course. I hope your not offended or upset.

I find that to be amusing, and I wish him luck.   I asked for a copy of the paper, which I do hope he will send me.   I wonder what he will say about the fact that he is now part of my little universe.   Life is always full of strange and wonderful surprises.

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Thursday
6May99

11:06 pm
The last day of classes in my undergraduate career came and went without notice and now I am on to finishing up a few projects (including the dreaded thesis) and preparing for graduation, which is in less than a week.   Although I am dreading cleaning out my apartment, I think it will be therapeutic.   I have a particular pair of sneakers that I have pretty much destroyed that I intend to throw out when I leave Berkeley, as a symbolic gesture of leaving the bad behind here and starting fresh.   I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it here, but I am eagerly anticipating this step in my quest for self-improvement.   Any time I move and meet new people I have the opportunity to reinvent myself.   That idea makes me so happy (it is comforting).

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Wednesday
5May99

8:19 pm
I messed up big time tonight.   I was at the I-House this morning doing web work and the House was abuzz with preparations for tonight's gala dinner ($200 per ticket) and I joked about trying to sneak in and my boss said he would try to get me tickets.   He told me to check my e-mail, which I didn't get a chance to do, because I ran into a disaster with my movie that was due today.   Anyway, I get home and relax and check my e-mail at 8 and see that he did manage to get me ticket; dinner started at six.   I feel so guilty I can't breathe.   I sent him an apology e-mail and then decided that wasn't good enough and called and left a message on his voice mail.   Is there something else I was supposed to do?...   Ugg.

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Tuesday
4May99

work . . . work . . . work . . .

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Monday
3May99

1:12 pm
I have managed to stay in my pjs since night before last, because I have be chained to my machine, working on my latest movie.   I am very excited about this one.   It is filled with my computer generated drawings...   I will have a little sample online by the end of the day...

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Sunday
2May99

10:53 pm
The latest of my ridiculousnesses is that I was supposed to go to a party by Adam Industry for class last night, so I took myself a little nap at sometime around 7 pm and then woke up at 2 am.   I figured the party would still be jumping, but I had no desire to drag myself to the city at that hour, so I went back to sleep till 7 am.   I had dreamt that Shawn had shown a movie to the class of my trying to be sexy when I was 14.   Such a movie does not actually exist; my hormones didn't kick in until I was 16.   Matthew and I had ourselves some cereal, and then he went back to bed until noon, which give him a total sleep time at something around 17 hours.   The man is a machine.   We have been so happy together lately, but the stress of school is an external force to be battled every day.   Today we treated ourselves to a movie, and saw Spike and Mikes festival of animation.   It was lovely, and a well needed break from the myriad hours I put in to get the Spring 99 I-House Times online today.

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Saturday
1May99

Much to busy to write today.   This is really crunch time.